How to get over shyness (only child problem)?
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right, here's my story.. i'll try short-cut but describe in details as well.. I'm very shy, specially when meeting new people or doing a presentation or such - so basically when i'm on the spot.. I tend to shake, sweat has happened once.. and sometimes my voice would seem kinda shaky as well. Since i'm an only child i grew up doing things on my own, relying on myself for everything. I don't have relatives around me at all such as cousins etc. When i used to go to parks and stuff with my family (mum & dad) my mum would see a bunch of girls/boys my age and asks them if i can play along. Now that i'm 17, mum isn't really gonna help. I do find friends, but it takes a while for me... Depending on the situation; sometimes it'd take me a month to get used to somebody, other times it could take me 4-9 months and still not talk normally to them. I usually make my friends when somebody comes up to me and talks to me.. And show full interest in being my friend. Which is quite rare and you end up not getting the friends you really want, but they want you, so yeah. And sometimes even when somebody comes up to me.. i remember this bunch of guys who wanted to be my friends and i did too, they kept trying for like 4 months.. somehow i rejected them. i don't mean to but i do. It also happens when a guy likes me. I guess i might have a negative attitude. The reason why i'm posting this is because i joined this acting club after school.. 2 hours, once a week. I've been attending it for a month, yet i have no body to talk to, and you always find me at the corner. Im way to shy. And if i like to act then i HAVE to get over this. Yesterday my shyness affected my performance.. my voice was shaking.. However 3 weeks ago for a stance reason i didn't feel shy at all.. my acting was great! So how can i let go of my shyness? how can i stop almost look like I'm squeezing myself when I'm on spot? 1 thing i didn't mention. When i'm with a friend at least.. I'm a completely different person. its only when I'm on my own.. This is why my goal is to make a few friends in this club, but how can i do that? i need to get myself more comfortable, raise my confidence.. How?
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Answer:
I know how you feel as I was painfully shy throughout my childhood and teens and still shy now at 43, but as you get older and find yourself in unavoidable situations where you have to communicate with strangers it does get easier. The thing to remember is that lots of people are nervous when meeting new people even if they come across as outspoken. I don't know what to suggest as I still haven't overcome my shyness and doubt I ever will. Maybe getting a weekend job where you have to chat to people could at least get you use to dealing with uncomfortable situations. In the end you just learn how to converse with strangers without there being embarrassing silences. I'm sure when you eventually get into the workplace in the future where you'll need to speak to people at all levels things will get easier.
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Other answers
I used to be this way, and I still kind of am, but the best way I have realized how to defeat shyness is just to do it, without looking or thinking about it. Just talk to someone randomly and say something to them, even It is "hi", then if you start to feel uncomfortable leave lol Confidence takes time to build up, Just take it easy, and think either people will like you for who you are, or not. And if they don't then they are missing out.
Celena
It isn't because you're an only child -- shyness is one of the traits we're born with. What will happen over time is you'll learn to cope with it better, get over it somewhat, and find workarounds so it doesn't mess you up. BTW, public speaking is the NUMBER ONE, most common fear for almost everyone -- so that's not just YOU. Also, YOU may notice shaking voice, hands, whatever. Most likely no one else can notice. (When I was in college, friends who had spoken up in class or done presentations would mention how they KNOW everyone could see how nervous they were. But it wasn't at all obvious. It SEEMS obvious to YOU; that doesn't mean it's noticeable for ;anyone else). Here are things to try in your acting group: Don't run off to a corner. Just stay out, where others are. When you always run off and hide, that tells everyone to not talk to you. A shy smile is very endearing. When you catch the eye of someone you think you might like as a friend, try it. Store up things to say, as chit-chat, when you're around others and people are just shooting the breeze -- funny or interesting things you see or think. Try to remember those things, so you can fit them into general conversations. There's nothing wrong with it taking time with people; it DOES take time to get to know someone. People who think they instantly know people are usually wrong. Yes, we're all more comfortable with people we have a mutual-liking relationship with. Also, we all have our better days and worse days. So when you CAN act well, and get in the flow, great. It's unreasonable to expect, as a novice and amateur, to ALWAYS be your best. When you aren't, try to not let it bother you.
tehabwa
It isn't because you're an only child -- shyness is one of the traits we're born with. What will happen over time is you'll learn to cope with it better, get over it somewhat, and find workarounds so it doesn't mess you up. BTW, public speaking is the NUMBER ONE, most common fear for almost everyone -- so that's not just YOU. Also, YOU may notice shaking voice, hands, whatever. Most likely no one else can notice. (When I was in college, friends who had spoken up in class or done presentations would mention how they KNOW everyone could see how nervous they were. But it wasn't at all obvious. It SEEMS obvious to YOU; that doesn't mean it's noticeable for ;anyone else). Here are things to try in your acting group: Don't run off to a corner. Just stay out, where others are. When you always run off and hide, that tells everyone to not talk to you. A shy smile is very endearing. When you catch the eye of someone you think you might like as a friend, try it. Store up things to say, as chit-chat, when you're around others and people are just shooting the breeze -- funny or interesting things you see or think. Try to remember those things, so you can fit them into general conversations. There's nothing wrong with it taking time with people; it DOES take time to get to know someone. People who think they instantly know people are usually wrong. Yes, we're all more comfortable with people we have a mutual-liking relationship with. Also, we all have our better days and worse days. So when you CAN act well, and get in the flow, great. It's unreasonable to expect, as a novice and amateur, to ALWAYS be your best. When you aren't, try to not let it bother you.
tehabwa
I used to be this way, and I still kind of am, but the best way I have realized how to defeat shyness is just to do it, without looking or thinking about it. Just talk to someone randomly and say something to them, even It is "hi", then if you start to feel uncomfortable leave lol Confidence takes time to build up, Just take it easy, and think either people will like you for who you are, or not. And if they don't then they are missing out.
Celena
I know how you feel as I was painfully shy throughout my childhood and teens and still shy now at 43, but as you get older and find yourself in unavoidable situations where you have to communicate with strangers it does get easier. The thing to remember is that lots of people are nervous when meeting new people even if they come across as outspoken. I don't know what to suggest as I still haven't overcome my shyness and doubt I ever will. Maybe getting a weekend job where you have to chat to people could at least get you use to dealing with uncomfortable situations. In the end you just learn how to converse with strangers without there being embarrassing silences. I'm sure when you eventually get into the workplace in the future where you'll need to speak to people at all levels things will get easier.
Mona
I have the same issue! I would hate to tell you this but no medication can really help you over this :( It's okay tho! I learned just take it one step at a time. What I try to do is try to find some shy person around me that doesn't really have any friends and approach them and introduce myself, that way we both have each other and we can get over our shyness together :) Or at the very least have someone that knows what you are going through. Baby steps
James
That is just the way she is at the moment. She probably feels insecure when in new situations with lots of new people, and would rather have her mom with her for comfort. She will get over this once she feels comfortable. It might be a month or two, or might be in a few years. She'll outgrow it eventually. I was like that when I was younger too. I was a sheltered, only child at the time, though.. and was with mom all the time outside of school. To say the least, I have finally overcome that little stage=) As long as she does talk when spoken to, has friends, and is around children her own age, she will be fine=)
Martine
I have the same issue! I would hate to tell you this but no medication can really help you over this :( It's okay tho! I learned just take it one step at a time. What I try to do is try to find some shy person around me that doesn't really have any friends and approach them and introduce myself, that way we both have each other and we can get over our shyness together :) Or at the very least have someone that knows what you are going through. Baby steps
James
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