How do you deal with social anxiety disorder?

How can you deal with Social Anxiety Disorder when you are 20 years old?

• I am 20 years old, I am male and I believe I have social anxiety disorder. I have not been diagnosed with it yet but I am really anti-social and don't have any friends. I have all the common symptoms of social anxiety and I have my own personal symptoms too, I have been really shy all my life but believe it or not I was actually more out going when I was younger. Over the years my anxiety has worsened even though my parents told me that it would improve and I would be less shy but they were wrong. I have so much trouble finding the right friends for myself and keeping them. Girls seem to judge me quicker than anyone else, they seem to look right through me as if they can read what is going on in my mind, and yes I would love to have a girlfriend and I know my confidence will rise when I get one. The thing is, any friend (or friends) I make all seem to start off shy like myself but they will change so much and become completely different and I am always the same person I am and I never change. I fear going out and meeting people it is my worst nightmare and I know that I will eventually need to meet people in the future. I really do want to meet new people and feel comfortable around them but I never feel comfortable at all because I'm so shy and anti-social and I never know what to say and I'm also afraid of saying something stupid. I don't yet have a job, I am currently unemployed and I really dread the thought of myself in the workplace because I know my mind will completely shut down on me when people are involved, I seem to go off into my own little world and people just don't understand me at all. When I speak to people I sound like I'm panicking while talking, I start shaking and feel this really warm feeling on my face and other parts of the body and I get really paranoid about everything that is going on around me. The only thing I do is walk. I walk about my neighborhood by myself to the shops and back and I never speak to anyone, since I've been doing this for a few years even the people who work in the shops look concerned about me and are curious as to who I am and why I'm always alone, some have even tried to get conversation out of me but I just give really short answers but still they are curious about me to this day. Its just so awkward knowing that there are people who want to talk to me but I won't let them because I'm afraid of my own actions. Anyway thanks for reading my story.

• Answer:

  I am exactly the same, would love to help you and find an answer to this f*cked up life we live... EDIT Sorry I just realised i didn't really answer your question, I am a noob at this lol. What I mean by we are the same is that I also have no friends, are really uncomfortable and paranoid around people, for me to the point where I felt so disconnected from reality that I attempted suicide last year. I talked with people from the crisis team, who didn't help, mainly due to because, like you, I found it really hard to talk about and explain the issues that forced me into that position. My advice would be to try and do what I'm doing, getting outside and putting yourself in situations you find uncomfortable, only then can you overcome the issues that we seem to face. I am starting a voluntary work position with the Red Cross on Friday, which I am actually pretty excited about, mainly because it's something to do other than wasting away in me bedroom day after day. Also, although it may seem hard to explain your issues, you just managed to explain them in your question, so if you have anyone close to you that you feel like you can talk to but haven't, either because your scared or don't know how, maybe try explaining your issues in a letter or something that isn't face to face? When I came close to comitting suicide, I wrote a note, which afterwards I felt like a massive weight off my mind and was quite peaceful. If you don't want to tell anyone in a letter, maybe writing your thoughts in a diary might be beneficial to your mental health. The main issue that I face that you seem to be having trouble with aswell, is keeping connected to reality. It might be hard to admit and understand, but having no-one to talk to but your own thoughts, is obviously not healthy, and can lead to serious physical and mental issues. Even now, I still find it hard to connect to reality, mainly due to the fact that I'm also unemployed ( I'm 19 year old male btw) and have no reason to do keep myself grounded with life. All I do all day is play xbox and mix records, which might sound awesome but all it does is leave me feeling depressed, anxious and alone. Days, weeks and months just seem to blend into one incomprehensible blur, with me having no clue what has happened and when. So, if you can find a reason to connect yourself with reality, to keep yourself grounded with YOUR life ( remember it's your life, do you really want to be remembered by people as that weird guy who couldn't communicate with people, or would you wanna be remembered for a positive reason?) other than the occasional walk to the shops, whether that's volunteering like me, finding a group or club you have an interest in ( Martial Arts maybe? I love that ****) or just getting out and spending you time in a worthwhile manner, I am sure you will become more confident and happy, and eventually that will start to show in your appearance and mannerisms and people will want to be around YOU not the other way around. Before I finish this answer, I just need to say, it's easy for young people like us with too much free time on their hands to turn to the herb(or any drugs for that matter), but trust me when I say, in a situation like ours, it's nothing but harmful. Maybe for an hour or 2 your mind can be someplace else, but trust me once that's worn off your issues are still there, blatant in your face and making you feel a hell of a lot more depressed than when you started. Also, in the long term, blazing will only make your issues worse, and you will definetly feel more depressed when you realise you have no money and your giro isn't due for a week. So, I'm sorry for all the information, half of it's probably useless and about myself so feel free to ignore it, but I really hope you can somehow overcome these issues in the future. Also, if you ever want anyone to talk to, feel free to email me at [email protected] ( don't do face to face for obvious reasons).