A bunch of my poems.. wat do u think? good, not good stop writing? Would appreciate a lot of feedback!?
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I use to write a lottt, then I just stopped for a long time. But I want some honest opinions. Heres a bunch.. For thou the one I love, treasure with all When we ran into eachother, quite a befall. The thoughts that softly flow seamlessy through are minds as one. Elusive as though it may be, you capute my heart as you are the one. Twirling, delrious, mysterious; ardent love, extradionary to other feelings, that's all I know of. From where thee were, or may have been is what I question all my life since the day you were brought in. For all I can do know is thank the glory one above, for sending you and the glorious contribute of love. --- She crosses the bridge, not capable of speaking word's at this time. She's creepy, weird, kind of like a mime. It's the silent one's that speak the most, some think she's ill, maybe diagnost. They do not see, do not know, all there is that she can show. Believe it or not she is real, and yes she is human and can to feel. She crosses the bridge, but only this time looking over. No one to help her, no four leaf clover. As she looks down the bridge she see's a train track, this time she think's "there's not turning back." Only because she's not happy with the person within, she has a hard time just living in her own skin. All she asked was someone to understand, maybe a helping hand. Or maybe to just feel beautiful. But that's too much to ask for in a world like this. She say's shes now leaving, they will have no one to diss. So before you know it, you will be hearing "if only this was just a dream." ----- She; sat with nothing coming to mind. She; dint know love can make her so blind. But now, Emotions rapidly began to stir, As she thought of he treated her. Her mind suspends and begans to say: told you it would turn out this way. And yet, She had hope it would work out, though she did have her doubts. And yet, Her mind suspends and begins to say: Told you it would turn out this way. All he did was make her life a mess, For he did cause so much stress. But now, before she knew it, her mind was right. He's out of her life now, she see's the light, Her future's bright. ---- Sometimes I'm in a world of my own, where nothing makes sense I'm all alone. Although I do have a scheme, that will awaken inside and behold my dream. A dream so big and yet surreal, giving you that grip of what to feel. Feeling of happiness that fulfills the heart to collide, taking you on such adventurous ride. Now if only you were me, then maybe you can see, this perfect dream. A dream far away from this land, leaving you're imaginative mind to expand. Showing you there's no need to mope, instead strengthing you giving you hope. Giving you every possible way, to have amazement everyday. Helping you to never feel pain, so maybe then you wont go insane. Just a dream where no one will fight, they would step back and realize everything's alright. Where bad people turn good, good people are nice. Oh, the feeling of paradise. --- Lost and alone, standing here. Everything goes blank, and then finally clear. Looking at everyone having fun, as I'm sitting here watching the fading sun. Since I miss the way thing's use to be, When I could have fun and was care free. I'm sick of caring about the way I look, this indulgence behavior is an overtook. All these negative thoughts of myself keep building through, is there anything else that I can do? I already got it reassured that God made me, and i love him so please lord forgive me? I'm not hating on your art, For it's me just falling apart. ----- We got so much around us, so much we ignore. The homeless, the weak, the rest of the poor. We have some woman selling their bodies, to feed all there children, but nobody knows the story, not many get near them. I know I make this sound bad like we're all the victimes, not that were victims, more of just a cry for help. With homeless, animals abused, rape, all is making me range. If you can drive around in your mercedes, then why can't you spare some change? We got the government wasting the money on thing's we don't need, but take a look around, what about all this? can't you see? It's a cry for help on what needs to be done. Cry for help, everyone should be treated like our love one's. With kid's being bullied, being pushed around at school, with other kid's joining in because they all think it's cool. Getting pushed against the vending machine, while the other is standing on the stool. Jumping on the kid, slamming his face to the ground, but wait a second, first make sure there's no teacher around. Kid's face getting all bloody, can barely see, he's begging to them pleace let me be. (Di (short song thing i wrote about God) I will not walk alone, I will not walk through the valley of the darkness because your with me. I will not have no fear, no evilness, no tears. Nothing to cry about, because you're with me. I'm not worthy, not worthy of your love. You forgive me, for all that I done. With I have fear, you shine the light and remind me your still here. You never leave my side, and for that I can't thank you enough. You see happiness in a person's face when you know that they let you in. It's a beautiful thing to come across by, and with that you know the heart warm fulfilling statys within. You're so beautiful that even if a person is in wrong, you pull them together and help them stay strong. Even to this day, you will be hearing people say: I'm not worthy, not worthy of your love. You forgive me for all that I've done. When i have fear, you shine the light and remind me your still here. You never leave my side and for that I can& ---- There's so much in a human that people could not know. Sadness, anger, much that is unknown. So when a stranger is walking past you down the street, If you open him up and take a peek. You may see he's breaking. Hurt, lies, pain. Maybe suffering life and trying not to go insane. So who are you to say or speak, when a stranger like this passes you on the street. Maybe you don't know how much hurt the harsh of a person's workds contain, it can stick with them for life and always remain. How would you feel if someone went anorexic, maybe died because of you? Think wisely on your words, and be careful with what you do. ---- There is hope in the eye's for those that are hurt. For all the struggle they through and all the hard work. Someone will be there watching over you, right by your side. hand over hanf is where it lies. So don't listen to the word's, dont listen to what they say. The thing's in your head will only take over, and try to get it
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Answer:
try posting them one at a time, when you do that you will get better feedback bye
DollFace. at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source
Other answers
try posting them one at a time, when you do that you will get better feedback bye
Na’ashjéii Asdzáá®™
Wat [what] I think is you should post one piece of work, pick your best and I'd be happy to give you some feedback.
My Lord you have some skill. It reminds me of myself, when I started writing poetry. ( I am 18 now) But these are some nice pieces. Please contact me any time fellow brother or sister of the pen!-Daniel Mapp
Orion Mapp
My Lord you have some skill. It reminds me of myself, when I started writing poetry. ( I am 18 now) But these are some nice pieces. Please contact me any time fellow brother or sister of the pen!-Daniel Mapp
Orion Mapp
Wat [what] I think is you should post one piece of work, pick your best and I'd be happy to give you some feedback.
~~*Milieu*~~
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