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What is the conflict in 'Accidental Love'?

I am tired of conflict because it has killed all the love?

  • When my wife is working, her mind turns so fully to her job, that everything around her becomes a nuisance. It apparently gives her the right to run me down. There are glimmers of hope but she constantly puts me down in a downright abusive manner. It is not fair to fight and it is wearing me down all the time. The counsellor suggested that I need to develop an emotional shield. And to remove myself from the room/house until my wife goes to work. This way I can self protect and teach her that it isn't ok to do what she does. He said that staying reaffirms that it is ok for her to launch into me. I think if I love her that much, I will have to single handedly work on the marriage and try to drag her to couples counselling. But I must not let her tell me how bad I am. Because I am not. The thing that saddens me is that I may never have a close relationship from where I see it now. There isn't any love when there is so much conflict! We should be having fun, not at each others' throats!!! Somebody with experience please tell me why some couples just can't stop fighting? I'm tired to continue a life like this. Eventually one of us is going to leave. I hate being told I'm a bad husband because she has to work hard and help save for a house. She thought that coming to Australia would be easy for her. Not the case. I am tired of feeling like I am not enough, like I could be replaced or like I could end up used. I'm tired of her lack of empathy and need for a husband to wait on her hand and foot. No it is not my responsibility to cook her breakfast before working. If I do it, it is because I am not run into the ground verbally before hand.

  • Answer:

    She is treating you like this because you are allowing it, the sadness that comes throught this letter, I think you should move out, get your own place. She sounds self sufficient anyway, and there is no love there, in fact she sounds like she is using you. Companship is missing. This is a very unhealthy way to live.

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She is treating you like this because you are allowing it, the sadness that comes throught this letter, I think you should move out, get your own place. She sounds self sufficient anyway, and there is no love there, in fact she sounds like she is using you. Companship is missing. This is a very unhealthy way to live.

Cathy

Matt do you work ? or is she the only one doing this If she is i can sympathise with her ?

Nicky

No one has the right to make you feel less than you are. What I'd like to know is what makes her feel that way? Are you not contributing financially to your relationship? If that is the case it can really put a strain on it. She might feel like she's the only one who cares because she is the only one putting work and effort toward building your financial future. She might resent you for not helping her and she handles that resentment poorly by debasing you.

Xaeber

I really "hear" your sadness, that this simply is just not working out Matt...BIG life change, moving to the 'down under' part of the world for her. Her behaviors tell me? She's not handling it. It's not working out for her, in spite of her trying to make a "go" of it. This in turn is wreaking havoc on your marriage and the love probably is dying, bit by bit. But perhaps what bothers me even more as a woman? I have a feeling, and it's just, a feeling...that her potential to behave this way is exacerbated there, under the circumstances BUT??? She'd BE THIS WAY ANYWAY, STATESIDE...How well did you two know one another? Several years before you married I hope? I can't believe you never saw her at her worst before, or did you and did your mind simply "shelve" the tendency for this abusive behavior??? I would submit, no matter what you do, it is she who needs to change herself/her position...But as long as you're there to take it out on? She will...Do you know anything about her parents and how they interacted? Discussed life issues? I think this all may tie in with her upbringing - maybe something you didn't really see before... I could be "all wet" here Matt...But this I do know, her behavior is vile and just plain WRONG. You CANNOT make her happy - she IS NOT HAPPY. You may have to walk away from this marriage guy...continue to go to counseling...get her to go soon...It's your last hope, I surmise. Grace

bunnyONE

No one has the right to make you feel less than you are. What I'd like to know is what makes her feel that way? Are you not contributing financially to your relationship? If that is the case it can really put a strain on it. She might feel like she's the only one who cares because she is the only one putting work and effort toward building your financial future. She might resent you for not helping her and she handles that resentment poorly by debasing you.

Xaeber

I really "hear" your sadness, that this simply is just not working out Matt...BIG life change, moving to the 'down under' part of the world for her. Her behaviors tell me? She's not handling it. It's not working out for her, in spite of her trying to make a "go" of it. This in turn is wreaking havoc on your marriage and the love probably is dying, bit by bit. But perhaps what bothers me even more as a woman? I have a feeling, and it's just, a feeling...that her potential to behave this way is exacerbated there, under the circumstances BUT??? She'd BE THIS WAY ANYWAY, STATESIDE...How well did you two know one another? Several years before you married I hope? I can't believe you never saw her at her worst before, or did you and did your mind simply "shelve" the tendency for this abusive behavior??? I would submit, no matter what you do, it is she who needs to change herself/her position...But as long as you're there to take it out on? She will...Do you know anything about her parents and how they interacted? Discussed life issues? I think this all may tie in with her upbringing - maybe something you didn't really see before... I could be "all wet" here Matt...But this I do know, her behavior is vile and just plain WRONG. You CANNOT make her happy - she IS NOT HAPPY. You may have to walk away from this marriage guy...continue to go to counseling...get her to go soon...It's your last hope, I surmise. Grace

bunnyONE

Matt do you work ? or is she the only one doing this If she is i can sympathise with her ?

Nicky

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