Find solution
What's the best SAT prep book?

What do you think of my chapter from my book?

  • Okay well I been writing ever since I been in 6th grade, and im still working on my book. My dads side of the family has been a little negative about me being an author, but my moms side thinks its fabulous. So im gonna let you guys rate one of my chapters that's from my book, its about kinda in the middle of the story. So give me some tips and tell me if it needs more details, stuff like that. Thx ;) Julia turned her car slowly off, not wanting to leave the car. She wanted nothing of school today, nothing of her mothers restaurant, and especially nothing of disgusting bad boy Garret. Yes Garret was messed up in his head severely, he needed help badly also Julia was planning on visiting the counselor for guidance, for the sticky situation. There was prop-ally going to be cops involved, but its the best for everyone Julia thought to herself. But how would her best friend, Lexi handle this, would she be on her side and defend for her and defend for her, or would she be one Garrets and defend for him? This was exactly why she had no attention of going to school today. She texted Rachel to meet her at the libary. She would tell her first then ask her what to do. Rachel and Lexi were her ultimate best friends in the world, and she knew that they felt the same. Julia got out of the car, her backpack on her shoulder then walked with confidence to the library. She thought of what she would say to dear Rachel. Rachel was beautiful in her own way. She was such a petit thing with short shiny black hair, and soft hazel eyes. Her skin was olive and she would smile when her mexican accent showed. Her persomality was sweet and she was such a flirt. During school she would wear contacts and on weekends her glasses. She finally got to the libary, which looked a thousand years old with old books. Then Julia spotted Rachel in the back, snacking on chesse crackers. Julia had to smile, Rachel was such a little girl. " Hey! So what's up?'' Rachel said as she finished her little squared chesse cracker. She had a light pink jacket with dark blue jeans and light brown uggs. Her ears jingled whenever her her head moved because of her sliver earings. Julia sat with her at the wooden table, trying to act serious. Rachel sensed her mood and leaned in closer with curiousity. " Something happend last night, you need to promise you won't tell cause im gonna do the talking." Rachels eyes got wide and shook her head yes, knowing she talked to any soul about what she hears there is going to be drama. " Garrets using Lexi to get to me, he's been talking to me in secret, trying to flirt with me." With that Julia told the whole situation to Rachel. Rachels mouth imediatly dropped, her eyes buldging right out of her. She tried to speak but only a sqeak came out. Julia knew Rachel believed her no matter what, Rachel was always gullible, but Julia wanted to hear Rachel say that she believed her even though she knew the answer. " Do you believe me Rachel?" Rachel nodded her head with her earings jingling along. " yes, Julia im always going to believe you!'' "Good, okay what do you think I should do? Should I tell Lexi, the counselour, the cops?" Rachel stood silent for a second, then putting a chesse cracker in her mouth, chewing slowly. Taking time to think about what she's going to say to her fierce friend. " Lexi has been...weird latley. Shes not herslef anymore." I stared at Rachel wanting more answers. " How so?" " Well whenever I mention you to her she rolls her eyes. Like during the weekend me and her were at the Starfish and I asked if we should call you because we never go anywhere without you, but she just rolled her eyes saying it doesn't matter." Julia didn't know what to say, Lexi has changed. " There's more Julia." Rachel said closing her eyes. There was pain in her face, Rachel felt scared to tell a soul, but she knew what was right to do. " Lexi's pregnant with Garrets baby." Julia darted out from her seat and completley blew up. Her cheeks were no longer rosy red but cherry red, and her fists clenched tight. She started to breathe fast and deep, and her eyes blared like hell. Rachel's head hid under her arms, her head shaking in the response of no. " Julia please no, no!" Rachel kept on saying, knowing about whats to come next. " I'm going to kill him!" Julia shouted with rage. She started to walk fast, knowing if she ran she was going to lose her strength. Her muscles were ready, building for what was coming next. She didn't even realize Rachel following her, trying to persuade Julia to calm down. She walked back to the parking lot, following the sound of hard rock music, kmowing he was gonna be there. He was leaning against a black jeep, with guys she didn't know, and of course Lexi was with him. Lexi looke

  • Answer:

    It certainly has an intriguing plot, and sounds promising. However, you might want to read it out loud to yourself; you have a couple of grammar and spelling errors. You might want to use some more interesting words, like "murmured" or "muttered" instead of "said", and "stalked out of the library" instead of "walked..." Also, in the third-to-last paragraph, I think you meant to say, "her eyes _flared_ like hell" rather than "blared like hell". Another note is to try to refrain from swearing in your descriptions. Most swearing is only effective in the dialogue. Your story moves along pretty well detail-wise. So good job, and don't listen to your paternal family!

LM the writer at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

It certainly has an intriguing plot, and sounds promising. However, you might want to read it out loud to yourself; you have a couple of grammar and spelling errors. You might want to use some more interesting words, like "murmured" or "muttered" instead of "said", and "stalked out of the library" instead of "walked..." Also, in the third-to-last paragraph, I think you meant to say, "her eyes _flared_ like hell" rather than "blared like hell". Another note is to try to refrain from swearing in your descriptions. Most swearing is only effective in the dialogue. Your story moves along pretty well detail-wise. So good job, and don't listen to your paternal family!

abigail

I saw some grammar mistakes in the story, I would show it to your parents and they could proofread the story one chapter at a time.

Steph

You need spellcheck. Also, don't give everything away in the first chapter, or your "book" will be 3 pages long. First, describe her car. Describe how old she is, what her school is like, where she lives, what grade she's in. Describe Garret, how is he a bad boy? Don't have her think anything yet. Have her unbuckle her seatbelt, get her books walk toward the school, look at the counselor's office, etc. Develop the story, tell the reader the setting. Don't dump information on them so suddenly. Ease them into it.

T

this is great! I'm assuming this isn't your first chapter, you have some grammar errors, and you were too specific. What I'm mean is that readers don't really what to know that she wheres uggs, or her skin color. If you want to signify that she is pretty, say something about her that is pretty. Don't go into great detail on anything. If you do want to go into great detail into something, find a way to incorporate it into the story. like the earrings. that was a great way to tell that she had earrings on. I didn't need to know about her light pink jacket or uggs. Unless you wanted to signify she had expensive clothing on. But then you should just say she was wearing 'expensive boots' because nothing annoys me more than when you name a brand. Don't put in details unless they are important to the story. Another thing, is that you had a little too much review. and that last is the hardest. You kept your story short and to the point. That works great if your writing a story story, but since your writing a book you nee to length it out a little. a great tip is asking questions about the story. visualize in your head what happened. then read what you wrote. Does it match up? oh and I think it's great that your an author! you doing really good so far, keep it up!

Aubz

this is great! I'm assuming this isn't your first chapter, you have some grammar errors, and you were too specific. What I'm mean is that readers don't really what to know that she wheres uggs, or her skin color. If you want to signify that she is pretty, say something about her that is pretty. Don't go into great detail on anything. If you do want to go into great detail into something, find a way to incorporate it into the story. like the earrings. that was a great way to tell that she had earrings on. I didn't need to know about her light pink jacket or uggs. Unless you wanted to signify she had expensive clothing on. But then you should just say she was wearing 'expensive boots' because nothing annoys me more than when you name a brand. Don't put in details unless they are important to the story. Another thing, is that you had a little too much review. and that last is the hardest. You kept your story short and to the point. That works great if your writing a story story, but since your writing a book you nee to length it out a little. a great tip is asking questions about the story. visualize in your head what happened. then read what you wrote. Does it match up? oh and I think it's great that your an author! you doing really good so far, keep it up!

You need spellcheck. Also, don't give everything away in the first chapter, or your "book" will be 3 pages long. First, describe her car. Describe how old she is, what her school is like, where she lives, what grade she's in. Describe Garret, how is he a bad boy? Don't have her think anything yet. Have her unbuckle her seatbelt, get her books walk toward the school, look at the counselor's office, etc. Develop the story, tell the reader the setting. Don't dump information on them so suddenly. Ease them into it.

T

I saw some grammar mistakes in the story, I would show it to your parents and they could proofread the story one chapter at a time.

Steph

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.