Fake and real Rolex, how does one tell between a good fake and real?

Check out my verse, and tell me what you think.?

• I'm Jay Carlos, I've been rapping for about a week now. I'm 14 years old. Tell me your thoughts. Not nescessary but, Rap goes to this beat -----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdC8Vx_V_VY&feature=related I have a bad vibe about being a good artist In life, I ain't never really been the smartest My minds bright, it expands and swallows A black hole that can't be found by 13 apollos A young boy of 14 years I might rape your malleus and leave it wet behind the ears I'm a true artist but still I get ignored I have a vast land of flows that aint never been explored Know that you are the first to witness My flows are ill, leave you coughing in sickness Vicious, but this rap game is all business I stay chilling with the rap gods in Olympus I might get mad if you decide to diss Vent myself, turn your whole existence into a myth I swear my flows float like an angel, no criss And I keep the cheesy s*** out of them, no swissss F*** your rolex, your benz, and your cars N***** be gaining stardom for being a dumb star I guess the play on words was just to waste a bar I'm tryna battle, but these rappers hardest for me is just a spar Turn your speakers up, you need to amplify We all witnessed the death of rap, still no one testifies The flow will only get better and intensify I'll keep doing what I do, til I dieee.

• Answer:

  Just rapping a week? Your pretty good haha. My only recommendation is adding slick similes and metaphors. And possibly add some cool ways of pronunciation if you think of recording so the verse sounds even more better.