How do I gain control of my life?

Why will an abuser go to any lengths to gain control and why can they not just enjoy life?

• Answer:

  Because they feel like control is the only thing they have left in life. They don't enjoy life because they are so lost with the abused that it is the only thing that actually makes them happy even if they know better. Answer I'm surprised you don't already know the answer to this question. Men, and even women who are abusers, controlling or very manipulative, are usually not happy with some aspect of themselves. Many men are simply just insecure of their relationships with women, and more often than not dont have any need to be. These insecuities can arise from any number of different psychological issues ranging from bad or lack of love/parenting as a child to being subjected to torment from peers, (at any age) to a large number of things. But at the core, the reality is that these people just don't want to lose the security you are providing. You probably notice that if you threaten to leave they get very emotional and say they can't live without you; you'll even notice them trying to manipulate the situation and find some way to blame it on you. Unfortunately, these people cannot just enjoy life, because to them, enjoying life is controlling people. They seldom change even with treatment and if violence is involved even if not, but especially if children are involved, find a way out, you are putting yourself, your children and more importantly your childrens minds at a severe risk. Children that are exposed to domestic violence have an exponential increase of developing the same problems: it all goes back to the childhood and parenting. Good luck, God Bless