When do you know when your marriage is over? Married 18 yrs/2 kids. We live very stressful life & tend to take it out on each other. Not sure if he cheated (but think so). He is a big flirt and speaks inappappropriately to other woman for a married man.

I hate to say it, but the simple truth in these situations is this. When do you know your marriage is over? The answer is, when you start to think or believe that it is over. Millions of people lead very stressful and hard lives, but they push through those rough times. What leads you to think that he has cheated on you? Maybe his actions towards other women are a cry to you for more attention. On the flip side, express to your husband that his words/actions towards other women are inappropriate. Find other ways to relieve your stress, your not punching bags for each other. Your each others supporter. Without him, you fall, without you, he falls. Work together and get your lives on track to happiness. Marriage takes hard work. You can't fail, if you don't give up.

After 6 years of marriage, my husband started accusing me of cheating. I was stunned. I wasn't cheating, what would make him think that? Turns out he was the one who was cheating. You said your husband accuses you of pushing him away when you argue. What are you arguing about? Are you arguing about how he seems to be pulling away? The childhood saying "what you say is what you are", often seems to hold true in the adult relationship arena. Is he the one who is actually creating this distance? I don't know if your marriage is over or if he's cheating, but if he's flirting with other women and not you, that seems like he's the one pulling away. Sometimes it's easier to start a fight with another person, so they'll loose their cool, and then you can feel justified about treating them poorly. Have you tried to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel? Has he responded compassionately, like someone who loves you and cares about your feelings, or has he responded angrily, like someone who is annoyed by your feelings? You said you have two kids. It's a big decision. Good Luck!

It depends on how you feel when you think about how your life would be without him. If you can picture your life several years in the future being better off without him in it, then I would say it is over. If on the the other hand you feel that your life would be missing something significant without him in it, then it may be a good idea to think about a possible resolution.

Well, first things first: you know your marriage is over when you SAY it's over. Marriage is based on a declaration of your own speaking and commitment, not on the circumstances or your feelings. This is an advanced topic... from the sound of your question, I suspect it's a topic that hasn't been addressed well in your marriage -- perhaps by him, perhaps by you, perhaps by both of you. Feelings come and go. People make mistakes. Life throws unexpected curves at us. We grow older and change, as do our mates. Marriage vows are intended to transcend all of that: to provide a "container" which can hold it all, and which helps to shape it into something whole and healthy, something which enriches life. But people go into marriage with all sorts of romantic or nonsensical images and ideas they picked up from others, from movies and TV, etc. And of course, reality is never like those images. If there's one thing life is really good at, it's punching holes in all of our idealized images about how things should be. When the inevitable disappointments and heartbreaks happen, we usually blame our partners, blame ourselves, or blame the marriage itself. We entertain doubts about our marriage, and lose touch with the connection that makes it work. Now you're at a place where the illusions are gone, and probably the pain is quite real. The thing that gets exposed when the illusions get washed away is CHOICE, also known as "personal responsibility": nobody can tell you when your marriage is over, nobody can tell you what you should do next. To look outside of yourself to answers for that question is to miss the point -- without YOU and your committment to making it work despite all the struggles and pain, there IS no basis for the marriage. Yes, I know he's probably done bad stuff and maybe you can't trust him anymore. Yes, I know you have communication problems in your relationship. Yes, I know it's about the kids... I know all of that, and I know there's probably a lot more that isn't in your question. But the bottom line doesn't change: it's up to YOU to say whether or not there's a real marriage here -- a container which can hold all of that. Because that's all the container is made out of: your word, and nothing else. It's not in the piece of paper, or the Bible, the advice of others, the kids... none of that holds the key. Certainly you have to consider all that, but I'm sure you've considered and reconsidered many times. The missing ingredient for resolving the struggle is simply the recognition that it's your choice which holds the whole thing together, day after day.

I knew my marriage was over when I couldn't see myself reconciling with him, no matter what he did. Even if he did everything he'd ever promised me, I didn't want to be with him any longer. I also knew that my life goals could not be achieved while being married to him, including my dream of becoming a mother.

Honey, I think before you start dissolving your marriage you should look at getting some marital counciling. I would suggest seeing a good pastor about this. There is no shame in asking for help and I think counciling is a healthy thing, yet 80% of divorced couples never saw a marriage councilor once. Save this marriage if you guys can.

I'm not certain; it is a question I struggle with often. I guess when two people live in the same house and are married, but are as alone as a single person who isn't dating then it is over. When the communication stops, when you don't talk anymore, if the sex is gone and no desire to even touch each other, when the bad out weights the good it's over, but that doesn’t always mean people end it. Many people stay in marriages for many reasons well past the point that they have a marriage. In part it is due to the fear of the unknown. The marriage may not be great, but at least you know what you have. Outside the marriage you have no clue what your life will be. Maybe it will be better, happier, another love will come along. Maybe it will be worse, lonelier, and there will not be another love or if there is it will turn out worse than what you have. Then there is always the added consideration of how your decisions will affect your children and your finances. All I know to say to anyone is do what you feel is best to do, because no one knows your situation better than you. Many people will happily judge you, but if they ever find themselves in a similar situation they will realize that everything isn’t black and white. It is difficult to end a marriage even when you know it is over, and many people will not end it – they will cheat, lie and deceive. I don’t know if that is what your husband is doing, but if he is then he isn’t the first and won’t be the last.

Sometimes when you think it's over really over you need to take some time and think. It's easy to say it's over and throw in the towel.(sometimes) Make sure you've searched your heart before you go to far. People get caught up in their lives working, taking care of the kids, house work yard work whatever, all the fun is gone. No more firewoks! What made you love him in the first place? I'll bet he's making these remarks to get your attention, it worked! but the wrong kind. Talk to him, or at least try. Tell him whats on your mind remind him you are still a women and you need his attention on you. Maybe you could say something nice to him, start the new beginning or begin again. GOOD LUCK.

Do you still love each other? And if you don't, do you want to live that way. BEFORE you throw in the towel, and before he runs off with the office tramp, be spontaneous and spice things up. Try a little romance.