Gift Etiquette - was I raised wrong, or is it rude to send "gift lists" to people who have not asked for gift ideas?

i feel you. i bought a new home and threw a party. you know, typical cookout, wide drink selection. then i had to tell people that i wasnt doing it for gifts. i had no idea that "housewarming parties" were a way to get gifts. kinda embarrased me. i was just doing it to celebrate owning my own place, rather than renting.

Are they only sending the lists to family members? If so, then it sounds like it's just the way your spouse's family handles gift-giving internally. It would be rude to do this with friends or coworkers, but it's not rude to have an agreed-upon family tradition. Granted, you didn't agree to it personally, but you did become part of their family when you married into it... If it bothers you, you could always ask your spouse what the deal is. (Politely of course, since it is also rude to be judgmental of your spouse's family.) He or she might be able to shed some light on the situation. It's possible that it's just meant to be a helpful guide for family members who have a hard time shopping. I'm sure they won't mind if you choose a gift not on the list, and your sweetie can probably confirm this. If you really can't handle the way they do things, then I agree with the poster below who suggested that you let your spouse do the shopping for your in-laws. For what it's worth, my family does something like this too - only with each other of course. It started when my generation started to become tweens/teens. The parents and grandparents got frustrated at not knowing what to buy us for birthdays and Christmas, so they started asking for lists. When I was old enough I realized that it would also help me if I got lists from them, so I asked for them. Now, years later, no one asks anymore because we've been doing this for so long - it's just accepted. Also, we don't *expect* each other to buy from the lists, they're just there in case anyone needs them. When I met the love of my life, I brought him home for Thanksgiving and my mom asked him for his Christmas wish list. I now realize I should be very grateful he didn't choose to get offended by her request or our tradition.

I would send them the list back, and state, I am sorry, but I do not purchase gifts off a list. If I desire to purchase, and can afford a gift for any reason, I will do so, using my own judgment and taste. If it is not to your liking, you are free to let me know that I do not have to purchase another gift. I find spontaneity and personalization more rewarding than demands. Thank you.

LOL, this makes me laugh......YES! That's totally rude.

I agree with you. I can see creating a gift list in a store so that IF people want ideas they can go there but to send a list is very arrogant. I have also seen people telling someone that they want them to give them a shower and I think that is also very rude. When people basically tell me, not only to buy then a gift but what to buy them, I generally refuse to get them anything.

its done alot now for weddings and such, but for a birthdays or something like that it seems a bit strange to me as well to be honest. I suppose its just the way things are going now but I totally agree with you it just seems a bit 'off' too me. Not had one of these things, yet...