husband Decided to change Our plans (Relocating, jobs, my dreams!) & sais either I follow him or he leaves. Should I?

I have been marries 20 years and I can tell you that this is a decision that is based on both of you, I would never think of demanding that and degrading my wife in that manner. He needs to grow up. Yes, you do have a say because it affects your life and your children. Maybe you should try counseling, maybe they can open up his eyes to what is happening and help smooth it out ..

Well he doesn't sound like that great of a guy,are you ready for life as a single Mom? Once he graduates is he going to pull in a good income? You have a lot of soul searching to do,plus you have to think of whats best for your children,if leaving him is best for them,then let that be your answer.

SweetPea of course your husband is 100% wrong that you have no say in family issues. You are a family! Within a family there are jobs and tasks that need to be performed to keep the family operating. Someone needs to earn money and/or in other ways provide for resources the family needs (food, clothing, shelter, …) while someone else needs to provide for care for any children while someone needs to maintain the family residence and other family assets. No one of these jobs is any more or less important than the others. I don't like the way your husband has attempted to belittle the absolutely critical roles you provide for the family. But by the same token, it's not necessarily a Bad Thing™ that your husband wants to improve himself. It's worth evaluating this situation logically and with thought. You might consider such questions as, will he make more income doing this? Will he have to spend less time at work leaving more time for his other family duties? Will the destination location be more or less expensive in general than where you are now (state taxes, utilities, rent, cost of living). It's a tough decision, but despite the fact that he is attempting to belittle your value in this decision, there is no reason for you to accept his evaluation of your importance, and there's also no reason to oppose him, just because. If you find that, all in all, it seems like a better move *for the family* as a whole, then you might consider his decision. If you find that, in the most objective way you can, that too much would be lost in such a move, kids have good friends in good school, grand parents and other extended family close by, you are involved in local activities very important to you, etc. then I would recommend you tell him you don't support the move. But it's important to show that the whole family would end up on the losing end if you do this move, and show how the ways you'd lose. Or, of course you may find it's actually a good move for the family, and maybe some things can be sacrificed because they can be replaced at your new home. For example, the kids have friends, and it will sting to move away from them, but they will make new friends. You also have friends that you can keep in touch with on Facebook or email, etc. And you'll make new friends, too. It's called a "cost-benefit analysis" where you try and determine some means to measure your two choices here, staying vs. moving. I suppose if you "dig your heels" in on this issue and he digs his in, then well, you and I both know one possible ultimate outcome of that, divorce. Are you prepared for this to go that far? Do you think maybe by "jerking his chain" he will wake up and stop living this silly fantasy that your roles in your family are less valuable than his? These are tough questions you should consider, too. It's difficult I know, but try and keep the family in mind as you work through this process. Good luck Sweetpea.

Thanks. I really hope we can, I dont want to leave because things would be really hard. But I feel like things are always bad, and i feel like a child all the time. I tried talking and He only sais, hes going to school we can move into a 2 bedroom apartment (with three kids! 4, 3 and 1 year old) while hes in school, where ever hes going to school at, and after that hes going to work on building motorcycles. But I cant get the hard facts "nail down" kind of talk. Where do we live after, what kind of job will you get, how will you pay back the $20,000 schooling, etc. He wont tell me, he just says hes got it figured out.

If there ever was a time for a good counselor this is it. And even if you do sort it all out, I have doubts. I can tell you that when I married my wife I worked in the Foreign Service. But after three years over seas I decided (with her advice) to quit and go to Library School. It worked out for us, but it was a big risk. I had the GI Bill to support me and the school had a history of getting jobs for 90% of its graduates within 90 days of graduation. So we did have plans and it did work out. God luck!

Wow! Thanks for that! yes, very true.

You are welcome.

Thanks. I hope that eventually he could see things that way. I thought about counceling, But.. he kind of has a hard time seeing thing from anyone else point of veiw, and he can never see that anything is his fault. But I'm thinking that it would definatly be worth a shot. Thanks!

Yes, i know. He works and takes care of his kids (which is more than some men) but doesnt put any care into our marriage, or his relationship with his kids. Being a singe mom is scary to me, I have 3 kids and Ive done the research (a long time ago) on how much things, like daycare, would cost. And Im also concerned about his career choice- i dont know what income Realistically he will make. it seems like a specific type career, and hes never even had a motorcycle! or even had motorcycle obsession!?