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How Many Sleeps Are Left Before Christmas?

Should I end my relationship over being left alone twice on Christmas and over the holidays?

  • I have been dating my boyfriend for four years now. He's a very sweet, intelligent person who has been there with me through a lot of difficult circumstances involving family and finances, and I've been lucky to have him there through some of those times. Unfortunately, he has come from a very controlling and manipulative household, where his mother and father are used to dictating the tiny details of his life. They also have refused to acknowledge me as a serious part of his life for four years, never once inviting me to their house even when we live in the same city. His mother has derogated me and outrightly refused to have me come over for Christmas when my family was unable to meet me last year due to financial circumstances. I have been very sweet to his younger sister and nothing but helpful and polite. I've graduated from a competitive course from a top University and now run my own business in a difficult economy, having won several awards in both arts and science. This year, again, I find myself in a similar position and he's decided to spend it with his family instead -- basically accepting this ill-treatment from his family for no reason. They have not called me once this year to see how I'm coming alone (despite my family allowing him to stay with us for two weeks, and buying him dinners everytime they are in town). My boyfriend is always at a loss when he's being controlled. It kills me that he doesn't protest any of this and that he is powerless in this situation... He wasn't "allowed" to move in with me, or go on a holiday with me that we had planned for 6 months (we're 23). I don't want to spend Christmas alone again, and it seems that he doesn't have enough of a will to overcome this. Is this a good enough reason now to end a relationship? I've spoken to him about this, but I think he just takes my injury for granted.

  • Answer:

    When I got married I told my husband I was marrying him not his family and he was marrying me and not my family. If I didn't want to see his family I didn't have to, and he didn't have to see mine. I never expected his family to call and see how I was or chat to me. But when it came to family events we both went, and I think the point here is not that you get to choose but that you are specifically being left out. What would happen if he took you anyway? What would happen if he said to them fi they can't accept you being there then he wouldn't be there either? In the end though it comes down to, this is who he is, and you can't change that, so you have to decide if you can live with him this way or not.

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he has grown up, knowing listen or be hurt somehow. "He's a very sweet, intelligent person who has been there with me through a lot of difficult circumstances involving family and finances, and I've been lucky to have him there" dont give him up. just make it clear to him

anonymous

If he can't stand up to his family now, he never will. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated in this manner? If the answer is no, then you have to end this relationship. There are plenty of men out there who have a backbone and more normal families than this guy.

katydid15

With my wife her family and most of her siblings come before me, my parents, and my children. When I married her I thought we would be a team an we would visit each other's family equally. She has no interest in enteracting with my children and only limited time with my parents. It's upsetting but every year its the same thing. I feel dumped for her family.

SIR_Anony is now SIR_Anthony

You're still quite young to make life decisions. If his family refuses to accept you and denigrates you in front of him and he gives you no support. Start a new life. It will hurt but everyone, including him, will be better off when it's done and you get on with a new life.

evandad

He's 23 what is he waiting for?. You can ride out this relationship if you think it's worth your time, but think about the years you've wasted. You could be happier doing the things you want with someone else.

level headed

If this guy won't stand up to his family for you, kick his ass to the curb. It's that simple. He obviously doesn't view you as important enough to stand up for, so to hell with him, he's not worth your time. Just my opinion, of course.

BACzero

It appears you're getting a preview of what a more permanent arrangement would be like, i.e., his moma comes first. Might just be time for you to bite the bullet and move on.

J and B

Sounds like his mom will always try to control and manipulate him. Even if you guys were to marry she would still find a way to intervene. TRUST me. Usually once a mommas boy always a mommas boy. If you have put up with this for four years he sees it accpetable to you and there will be no change until you leave. Either he will stand up to his parents and support you or he will let you go. If he lets you go then you are much better off. You don't need "boy".

inokytoe3

Ouche sweetie I feel your pain that has got to hurt very badly!!!! Well if you can take the truth I'll give you my opinion here.....I know he is only a boyfriend right now but:When you marry a man you do not marry his family I feel the same when it's even dating.Your situation is very sad because you seem to have your life all figured out for your age and that is a plus for you.I think his family and him sound very inconsiderate and make you an outsider.It seems none of them are accepting you so why even bother trying to please any of them? Sweetie my advice would be to let go and move on you are young enough to find much better than this!!!! Your boyfriend seems to be just like his family and remember his parents are his creators.He will be as his family.And they sound cold brrrrrr.Move on!

Survivor of the storms

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