Find solution
How can I be a better boyfriend?

My boyfriend is really bad about comforting me when I am upset. How can he learn to be a better shoulder to cry on? What can I do?

  • Here is what always happens: I am sad, or in a bad mood, or had a bad day. I call him or talk to him for comfort. The most he says is "im sorry" over and over and it doesn't even have anything to do with him. Examples: I say: "my dog died" he says "im sorry". "I had a bad day today" he replies "im sorry" "I just failed a test I studied hard for" he says "im sorry" See the theme? I tell him to stop saying "im sorry" when he didn't cause anything and he doesn't mean it anyway. I wait for him to say something more--anything---but it then becomes just a silent convo because neither of us know what to say. When I do ask him if he has anything to say, his reason is that he's "not good at comforting". Ok. I really love him and don't want to leave him. This is his only major flaw. Im a sad person and need some meaningful comforting from time to time. (for reference, I comfort him very well.) So, how can he improve? How can i help him improve? How do we work this out? How does one become a "good comforter", anyway?

  • Answer:

    If you do not want him to say I am sorry then what do you want him to say? have you told him what you want him to say? For the things you mention I would say I am sorry, as In I am sorry you had a bad day. It is not apologising for anything I did at all. I am not sure what you expect from him. We all have bad days, we all have minor issues like those. A simple I had a bad day sweetheart, he says I am sorry, maybe a hug and then you move on. There is no need to dwell on it.

Raindoshi at Answerbag.com Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

what else are you looking for...When he says "hes sorry"...hes saying hes sorry for you feeling that way and sorry to see you sad. I would comfort my old girlfriend the same way sorta. First by saying "im sorry" she feels bad. Then I would give her words of encouragement. Tell her that its not her fault, suggest some things and ask her how can I help. Your dog died....im sorry (comes by your house the next day with a new cat) you had a bad day... im sorry, tell me what happened? do u want me to go kick his ass? you failed a test...im sorry, ill come over and help you study for the next one. Im great at math Your boyfriend is half way there...he just needs to come full circle by helping you solve the problem or making the situation better. Just start by asking him "what should you do" next time you tell him about a problem your having.

Stupid Genius

then comfort yourself,why you expect to do this even you knows he cannot do it as you want?

Be specific about your needs. Saying "Say something - anything" does not help. If you can't be specific about what you need, he can not deliver. If it's still unachievable after that, then find someone in your life who is comforting - friends and family work well for that - putting all your needs on one person is unfair. If you can't do that, either simply get over it, or leave him.

MisterKnowItAll

its a guy thing. maybe he doesn't know what to say or how to share feelings. it could how he was brought up and was forced to close out things rather than "cry". you both might need to find a middle wher you can enjoy life together.. talk ( try not to get upset ) to him ,tell him "just hold me " sometimes. once you start taking down the brick wall he has ,you might find a good hearted person that needs help taking new steps. one guy rule, don't ask why he has a wall, when its time he will let you know. hang in there kid .

claw

Some people just aren't good at comforting. Learn to accept him as he is. You say you are a sad person so maybe you need to get counseling to find out why you are so sad all the time and get help for yourself.

Wellduh

I don't think you can learn that, sorry, If you really care about someone it comes natural...... XO Lucinda

[email protected]

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.