Why am I afraid of infatuation?

What is the difference between infatuation and love?

• A lot of the symptoms of love are similar to ones of the infatuation in the beginning of the relationship. So I am wondering how can I tell what is love? What is romantic love, from friendship love? What is love from infatuation? I don’t think I am able to tell the difference from “puppy love” and infatuation with real love? Or are those just levels of love, and you get to love love as you grow together? I would just really like a clear distinct difference between infatuation and love. And I don’t mean sexual infatuation.

• Answer:

  I believe there are actually three romantic relationship states and while one may lead to another they are actually independent of each other. The first is love. Love is that content, comfortable, respectful, secure and satisfying relationship marked by deep friendship and long term, unconditional affection. While deep feelings are always there they are not the primary indicator. While physical intimacy including sexuality is important, it is the enhancer of the relationship, not the main event. Love is self-less and enduring; a state where both partners truly want and desire the best for one another in all circumstances. The second state is pure physical, carnal, sexual attraction. This is when two people have an immediate hunger for one another. There need not be any deep feelings or even a liking for the other person. This feeling is an urgent, complete and insatiable desire to consume. In fact, the marker of this state is consumption. Once the sexual escapade is complete the relationship is consumed and finished, at least until another episode is encountered. The third state is what I believe this posting is calling infatuation. This state is difficult for many to handle because it is a chemical, spiritual, physical and soulfull connection that seems totally encompassing. When less mature in relationships, people think this is "falling in love" but this state is not about love, it is about connection. This is also not about simply physical and sexual attraction because it is not satisfied by sexuality. Even if the people involved have just had the most incredible sex of their lives, they want to stay connected to prolong the warmth and power transferred between them. The other person constantly invades one's thoughts and any image or thought of the person brings a smile. The problem is not what state a relationship is in but rather in misreading one for another. People often are terrified (while exhiliarated) when in the third state because they equate this with love. Love could grow at some point but it will be months or even years before this transformation takes place. The key is to just breathe! Relax! Enjoy! Be completely thankful for where the relationship is right now; regardless of which of the states it resides in. Each of these is a true gift from God; a blessing that is truly and completely human!