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What do you consider worse, physical hurt or insulting hurt?

A coworker made a comment to me like "I have no friends at work." Yet you consider them a friend. Are they obivious that their comment could hurt your feelings or is it they just don't consider you a friend but someone to express their woes to?

  • Answer:

    My experience is that it's not a good idea to have "friends" at work. People are naturally defensive of their jobs because it's what they do 8+ hours a day, it brings home the money, provides the insurance, etc. If anything happens to complicate or threaten that security, than friendships are the first thing to suffer. As an example: I was promoted a few years ago and found myself supervising my friends. They didn't appreciate my new "authority" and I didn't know how to move from friend to supervisor. Some expected favors, leniency, lighter workloads, bigger projects, it was a very rough time. Example 2: Because of the economy, the word "layoff" makes everyones skin crawl. We were finally handed the memo that said there are 6 being laid off. Later 3 of the impending layoffs were told that their was one position in another department they could apply for. These 3 women were friends. The drama immediately started. Fellow co-workers took sides. It was a disaster. I have since chosen one of them and the other 2 left with hurt feelings and no job, no security. The one that I chose is due to start for me in another week, but she called yesterday to tell me that she was taking next week off, before she starts for me, because the gossip and attitudes in her current position are too much. So I get the pleasure of trying to calm this when she starts with me the week after next. So being friendly is one thing, but I don't think that you can have friends at work because too much can go wrong. It is inevitable that you will be forced to make decisions best for you, answer questions that you don't want to and severe ties just so that you can get your job done.

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If you really consider this person your friend then I would just come out and asked them if they consider you a friend or just co-worker. I have worked for the same company for 23 years and I have to honestly say that I consider a small few my friends. If this is a person that you only associate with at work then are they truly your friend? I consider my friends people I associate with all the time.

LuLu

Perhaps their definition of a "friend" is different from yours. You do share things with co-workers but it is a much deeper connection that you have with a friend. If I had a friend at my job, I would get no work done because I would be to busy chatting it up.

Sheriff Raff -Answerhag

1) What do you think: - was this a neutral statement about a fact, - were they complaining about that fact, - were they telling you that their own choice is not to have friends among coworkers? 2) "Types of friendships: [among other types] - Best friend (or close friend): a person(s) with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend. - Acquaintance: a friend, but sharing of emotional ties isn't present. An example would be a coworker with whom you enjoy eating lunch, but would not look to for emotional support." Source and further information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship 3) Many people consciously avoid to have deep friendships with coworkers. It is a personal choice, and can be a way to protect oneself. I do this too, most of the time. However, I could sometimes develop a good friendship with an *ex*-coworker. 4) Although the should theoretically be this, friendships do not always go in both directions, at least not with the same intensity. Someone could offer you their friendship, but you could have not interest to be their friends, or you would prefer to just have them as a good acquaintance. If they share something with you, for instance tell you how much is their salary, maybe you will prefer not tell them yours. If they present you to their partner, maybe you will prefer not to present them to yours. Anyway, many questions that you ask yourself about your relationship with a person can be clarified by just talking to them about it...

iwnit

Maybe the person just feels like he or she has no friends at work. Why should you feel hurt about it if you never actually told the person you consider him or her a friend?

AnonymousGirl

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