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How should i make money?

Why are some people really curious how much money I make? What is going on psychologically that drives this curiosity?

  • I am a self-employed entrepreneur from the USA. I've noticed since I quit my corporate job a few years ago, certain friends and family members really seem to struggle with the fact that they don't have any idea how much money I make. My job is unique because I sell virtual products (software) to people globally, have no employees or real overhead - and I don't really have a title. I just make stuff and sell it. You can't really Google my salary online. The reason I don't tell anyone or care to know what people make is that I think it's really petty. I think only bad things come out of knowing that stuff and it makes you treat people or at least view them differently. My father always told me never to tell anyone my numbers, and ironically he's one of the most nosy offenders! I'm not paranoid - certain family and friends really try to figure it out in many clever ways. By asking how many downloads my company gets per day, how many customers we have, or if I can afford to buy certain things, or by saying friendly but leading things like - "hey, you have the money - buy it!" And some times, just straight up leaning in and asking me. I never heard these phrases when I was in corporate America. It just feels like they are probing all the time and on numerous occasions I have had to stop them and say, hey - this is kind of personal info; I don't really feel comfortable talking about it. Then they feel kind of bad, or even some times angry! The most blatant example came recently. My cousin is a really sweet girl, but a few weeks ago my company got some good press and it was the topic of conversation at a party - which was nice. But then it turned to money and she was trying to dig in. After repeated failed attempts at extracting the information from me indirectly she just blurted it out in front of a group of like 5 others - "Dude, just tell us - how much money are you making!?" I told her it's none of her damn business! There are some really nosy people in my extended family and when a number gets our about how much somebody is worth or how much their new house cost, the conversation devolves into a horrible display of comparison/jealousy/envy. It's as if they take that information and then try to figure out if that person deserves that amount, or they go on to justify why THEY deserve it. It's just really petty. Other people in the group who may not know this unfortunate person now have a tainted impression of them (they are rich, or greedy, undeserving, priorities are in the wrong place, etc). When you say somebody is "rich" that usually evokes some negative feelings. I don't want to be the subject of those conversations - I just want people to judge me based on who I am. I drive a pretty nice car, I don't appear to be starving, and I have don't have a boss - I understand how this can drive the curiosity - but it's nobody's business what I make. What I want to know is - why do some people more than others really seem to crave this knowledge? What is the psychological phenomenon going on here that makes truly good-hearted people so darn curious about it, where others don't care at all? Some Guy

  • Answer:

    Humans spend a great deal of our time trying to estimate social status. This is because social status was, historically, one of the main determinants of evolutionary fitness in our species. High-status people get better access to resources, more protection during times of hardship, and better mating opportunities. Generally, hanging out with high-status people increases your status, whilst hanging out with low-status people decreases it. A lot of human interactions happen among relatives, and so your relatives are likely to be particularly curious about your social status. I'm not saying people consciously modulate their investment in their relationship with you based on their estimate of your status -- most people couldn't live with themselves if they did that. Rather, we have an instinctive curiosity about it that's almost impossible to repress. We can't help wanting to know, even if we tell ourselves the information doesn't change anything. Now, to your problem: it's really hard to estimate the status of a self-employed entrepreneur. Mostly, we estimate status based on people's affiliation with powerful institutions. We don't need to know their exact salary; if you're a software engineer with a degree from MIT and you work for Facebook, we already have a pretty clear idea of your status. But an 'entrepreneur' can be anything from a nobody who barely makes ends meet, to a billionaire playboy who rules an entire empire. Worse, many people who call themselves entrepreneurs try to 'fake it until they make it', buying expensive status symbols and falling heavily into debt. Consequently, it's hard to tell how well someone is doing just from their lifestyle. You might be perfectly fine, or you might be waving cheerily as you drive that pretty nice car into a black hole. So your relatives and friends desperately want to know where you stand in this spectrum. They are probably convinced that they are simply  concerned for your well-being and want to make sure you are living sustainably. But  in truth, I think that's only part of their motivation.

Suzanne Sadedin at Quora Visit the source

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My first guess is competitiveness. People often use income as a measuring stick for how they are doing in life. Some people in your family want to know where they stand against you. I had something similar when I started my first company, at one point I caught my own mum reading my tax overview - I was pretty annoyed about it, though I said nothing. The other element could be prospecting. Some people will want to know what you earn for what they can get out of you, or at the very least for bragging rights. And on some level there might be a certain amount of subversive jealous i.e. you have unplugged from the rise and grind life most people live by, and wonder what it is like on the other side. Being a freelance artist I get this too. My best advice is to continue to not tell anyone your earnings. If it's an impressive amount it has potential to blow your family apart, if not by the constant favors people will ask for, than the green eyed monsters who will seek to make you the bad guy at the first opportunity. It's might sound far fetched, but as an ex performer I've seen others hit fame and success while their family and friends fought and dropped like flies around them. Hopefully one day they'll give up and stop asking.

Katerina Simms

They are comparing themselves to you. And now that they can't, hahahaha.  Don't ever tell them anything else. Don't talk about your business ever. The end.

Borang Touch

The driver is curiosity about an unknown variable. For most jobs you have a pretty clear view of how a job would pay, (a cleaner would likely earn less than a CEO fir example)  and in some ways this gives a benchmark for a social hierarchy (stupid but grounded in group psychology / hierarchy bs) Many may be looking longingly at the person who has broken away from all the certainty and rules, and are trying to evaluate if they should try that. Eg if you are making heaps of money on your own then there is a sharp cognitive dissonance for those who are employed but feeling they are trading their soul to work for the man. If you are earning hardly anything then they are safe again - it proves their worldview that it's too risky to break from the heard. Also they are anxious that you might be kicking it and then their worldview has to accommodate that. Family might gossip / care - if they are worried about what might be seen as a risky / foreign and uncertain way to make a living, then they might be wanting to know if you are doing alright. They may also know if you need support or visa versa if they can start asking for jobs or loans. Personally what I have started doing is to setup a salary from the business, keep it tight, keep it livable but that is your salary - the business can run a hearty profit / stockpile cash / assets but that is separate to you. If I were in your shoes I would explain how the concept of being an entrepreneur works, help to educate all that want to listen the mechanism as to how you earn your income (not specific to your niche maybe but the process of picking a niche, doing stuff / creating value, selling stuff etc). If you give some tangibles you will ground them in more real concepts which they can understand and have a way of them understanding what you do. And I would personally pick a sentence which sums it up like "I'm not going to give you an exact number but we have more than enough for my rent and food" or something like that. Then ask them what their motivation is / why they are so curious - then answer each actual question they want to know - Yes I am actually a successful business person - don't worry Dad, it was a great direction, and I won't be needing to borrow money - No cousin, I try no to loan money to friends or family / I only hire the best for the job, so happy for you to apply. I agree don't answer as your week to week earnings may be up and down but their perception of you will remain volatile. -- As a footnote Educating people about entrepreneurialism and asset value, profit and sales as well as compound earnings is an amazing education opportunity for the world. My cousin went through a stage where he had a company with high profit, high asset value and high turnover, but it wasn't till he sold it all away (effectively stepping away from an asset / growth opportunity), that people stood up and deemed him a success. It's stupid to only value the cashed up / exited entrepreneur as a person putting assets and money to work to grow an asset seems like something to reward also. His asset value was no different - he was still worth $26M before and after the sale, though I guess cash is less risk. Or its just a case of actually having a published figure of the value.

Jay Best

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