Find solution
How do i start charcoal?

How do I change myself when I don't know where to start or where to end?

  • I'm 18, attending college and I have problems. A plethora of them. I was always good at math. Never really like it. I saw the advancement in technology was amazing. Those Robots that can do many complex tasks. Those NSA topics. Those mobile apps that changed the world. All made me in awe. "OH, I want to this and that" I thought to myself. But no, I'm too lazy. I'm a hypocrite.  I advise people being prompt to work is of pure exigency. I wake up every morning late to work and try to find excuses and lies to get out of it. I tell people to always study and read on upcoming lectures, have questions ready for the new topic. I procrastinate, skip class, don't turn in homework, and find excuses and lies being a terrible son to my parents who've raised me up for 18 years, paid for everything I could ever want and need. ALL they want from me is to be successful in life, meaning get a job, meaning have a good education, meaning getting good grades. They're so lenient to me. I've become addicted to MMOs. I've skipped class to play and it's mainly the reason why I've been doing so badly. I feel like I need to go into rehab. I'm receiving Fs in classes because I haven't even attended the class since the first or second class. I always told myself it's okay, I'll go next time. It's already the end of the semester, parents saw one of the Fs so far out of who-knows that I'll probably be getting. I DONT KNOW what to do with my life. Actually I do know. Sure. The first step is accept that I'm doing something wrong. I need to realize that I'm a horrible person. I need to stop lying and face the truth. I need to throw that game away. I know that, but this has been repeating since I've entered college. Why? Because I think I can change and get by it. Procrastinating. I'm quite aware of it. But how do I stop it? I have no clue. I already screwed up my life with these horrible letters on a transcript. I don't know how to motivate myself because my mind keeps wandering. I don't know how to study. I usually wing tests by procrastinating at the last second (literally) and barely pass it. I've seen so many successful people here on Quora with their adept knowledge on everything. I've been drawn to the technology section and business reading about start ups and coders because they are interesting. "Oh, I want to work at Apple/Google/Facebook what can I do to have the skill set required?". I would love to be the one who asked that question because he has a goal. Sure, I want to work at Google or Facebook too, but I can't find THAT motivation or that click to make my mind FOCUS and work on something. I want to change the world, I want to think outside the box. What's going to change the world now like the iPhone did then? I want to have an idea. But even If I did, I wouldn't know how to accomplish and even if I did, I wouldn't because I'm too lazy. I'm unproductive. I don't have a vision. I don't have good grades. However, If I find something I like and enjoy, I tend to research more about it. These MMO's, I like to play it. It even made me code a VB timer for the game. But those weren't the priority. My school was priority, but I kept getting sidetracked. I learn fast. First day at fastfood service, I memorized the menu, went to drive thru the following day. That's the thing, I'm always serious in the beginning, then I lose it and it dies. My desire and my focus, just does. I get lazy. I get fired.  "Just do it." I wish. I'm all words, no action. What I'm looking for is how to get into the mindset of "Just do it. " because I can't. I believe everyone who's in my shoes have the potential to be who they want to be, but they don't know. They're clueless. Hopeless. When I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be a train's headlights getting closer and closer. Help me. Thanks in advanced to all of those who read this through.

  • Answer:

    When you're lost in the woods it's best to just stop. Set up camp, take care of your basic needs and rest. When you wake up you might be able to gain your bearings again or find a stream to follow or maybe you just wait for help to come to you. My point is, if you don't know what to do or where to go then you need to just stop. Take care of yourself: eat right, drink enough water, exercise, write in a journal, sleep. Set up camp with yourself and make things cozy. Figure out what you need to make you happy right now in this moment and do that. In time you might begin to see what motivates you so you can nurture that and get your bearings, or maybe one little thing you do to take care of yourself is like finding a stream that leads you back or maybe you try all of that and you need to wait for help. Don't just sit there, blow your whistle in three short bursts and call for help. What I mean is, talk to a therapist, talk to friends, let people listen to you and use their feedback to help better understand your own confusion. Help will find you. Just get really calm and listen to yourself, don't judge yourself, explore whatever it is that you find. You don't need to change yourself, you just need to guide your real self out of the woods because all any of us can do is be truly ourselves. Edit: Yet again I answer a question that doesn't have details only to have them go up after I answer. I wish Quora would fix that. I think, given all you've got going on my advice is still the same. You need some calm quiet time to figure out what will genuinely make you happy. I still say you should stop for a bit and really focus on you. You'll figure this out, it's really going to be ok!

Jen Brown at Quora Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

In addition to the great answers by all of those who contributed to your question, I believe that you have already Indentified where to start by Identifying the personality traits that you would like to change like; procrastination, lazyness and could not hold your interest in something you are doing or about to do long enough to accomplish what you sat out to do. Priorities the list of things that you would like to change and start with an easy couple, for example, exercising for 10 minutes before going to bed at a reasonable hour and cutting out junk food if you do eat junk. If you manage to do that for a week, your selfesteem will grow just by knowing that you could apply yourself to doing something you have decided to do and the rest will follow.   I believe that your feelings towards a task or situation controls your actions without allowing your mind to make aconscious  and informed decision before taking such an action and thinking about its consequences on the way you would feel about yourself latter on for not attending your lecture or dropping a task at work etc..So before you act stop for 20 seconds as decision buffering time in which you will ask yourself " HOW WOULD I FEEL LATTER ON ABOUT NOT .....(whatever it is you have to do and you are thinking about skipping or trying to drop)?" I am wrecking that the bad feeling that you will receive from just thinking about how bad you would feel latter on about not doing what you had to do will be a good enough deterant and hopefully you will get whatever you need to do done. Relate your feeling about the action that you are about to take to how you would feel about it latter on, when your concious brian kicks in. Do not be too hard on yourself and avoid self resentement by taking small positive steps towards a better you in light of what you want to change. You are a reflective person and That is a gift but try not to become over critical. With regards to the end ,my friend, i am 34 years old and I have done a fair bit in my life and I still not sure about where or how I should end but what I do is I apply a start and an end to small tasks and not to a stage in my life as the more I am reading and travelling my whole vision of where I want to be(end) keeps changing and surely these changes some of the roots that I choose to go through. Finally, time does not stop for no man so make every minute of your life to be as beneficial, fulfilling and elighting as it coud be because it is not coming back.Good luck and kindly let us know how are you getting on?

Ahmed Osman

Find out who you are. What matters to you? What makes you angry? What makes you happy? What kind of things would you do if you had no realistic constraints? If you knew who you were maybe you would be trying to change your situation and not yourself. Best of luck from a fellow wanderer. Wow, reading your details was like looking in a mirror. I've been a junior at a respectable university for almost four years. If I attended class I helped teach it. If I chose not to go I read or played mmos beyond reason. It didn't matter if it was important or frivolous. I did best in my art and literature classes. Mostly because I could skip every class and turn in a project or paper that blew their mind. I passed my public speaking and business communications classes with almost no work done before the presentation. But being good at it couldn't make me care enough to go to class instead of sleep off a hang over or finish coming down without looking at the sun. I guess that's enough about me. Back to you. Yes with determination and force of will you could become very good at pretending to be them. You could graduate with honors as you are capable of and make your parents proud. Or you could just live. Take some dead end job and work only as much as you have to for food and game subscriptions. When you get bored with that try moving up the ladder. See how far you can go with something others called hopeless. When you hate what you are doing change it up. You've already proven, by this point, that you can survive on what others would call half a life lived vicariously through alternate realities. Push the boundaries of what others could do instead of struggling to do things the way they did it. That being said: Yes going to college can get you the kind of job where you could game most of everyday and never want for anything. But these opportunities are one in a million or more. Yes forcing yourself to the standard "success and achievement" can provide limitless possibilities for personal expansion and comfort. BUT it doesn't guarantee success or happiness. You must try to find your own way without molding yourself into something you are not. You will be more lost than you are now. From one lost soul to another just do what feels right and keep living.

Nathaniel C Galentine

It's very simple ! The first thing you should learn is about your self and what is that you want to change about yourself. Once you are clear on this, you can find number of ways to improve your weaker areas. Good luck !

Deepthi Reddy

Your character/personality is decided by the choice  you make every moment.  Everyday, before going to bed, recollect which are the choices you made today were bad and change your choice tomorrow. that's it you will be a different man.

Srikrishna Lokanath

Mervyn Teo

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.