How come some people think that it's unreasonable to ask a potential date to submit to a background check?

A clean background check would not be indicative enough. The criminal justice system involves an inverse funnel. At the bottom of this funnel, the wide base represents the amount of filed incidents. The tiny top represents the prosecuted. So, if your potential date has been accused or even been called for a criminal activity, there can be many reasons to prevent the accused getting prosecuted. So, no criminal record. Certain red flags that can be hazardous to a relationship do not appear on a background check. Considering the following: - emotional instability - sexual addiction - suffering from undiagnosed psychosis - unreported reckless behaviour such as vandalism - low level of trustworthiness: serial philanderer - some morally questionable issues - many other things that might tick you off A background check can be also pointless if you were Patrick Bateman. Really. And checking on their actual or virtual social network wouldn't be as useful because different people have different dynamics. How they are as a professional or neighbour or parent are no 100% true predictors of how they would behave as your lover. You really have to let the time and their action speak for themselves. Just risk it and pray that you don't end up meeting a Patrick Bateman. You know, he's not just a fictional character in American Psycho. I'm sure you've all had your share of your love lives gone awry, not in the Bateman extreme scenario though. And if anyone demands me this background check, yeah, I'd just walk way. No explanation needed. I don't do that. Nope. (Companies that run criminal background checks for the minimum wage range positions...yeah, pretty much some trust issues might emerge after the honey moon probation period. Seriously.)

You can probably do a back-ground check, without asking him/her about it, if you are so bothered. Solves both the problems.

Say you were dating someone you met the "old-fashioned" way, at a party, work, thru a friend, whatever. Would you do a "background check" on them too? What's the difference?

"What's love got to do with it?" - Tina Turner For me, it would be because it has nothing to do with love or attraction. If you asked me that, it would mean that you're just shopping for the "best" man, and evaluating that not by your heart and soul, not by your standards, but by society's standards. Or your perception of them. There's nothing personal here. It says, "if society doesn't accept you, neither will I." It says, "I'm only interested in how good you will make me look to other people." It says, "I'm not interested in you, I'm interested in what value you can add to me." It says, "I will leave you as soon as a 'better' man comes along, or society changes it's mind about what a 'good' man is." It says, "I define you, myself, and everyone around me by shallow, superficial characteristics, and I do not believe in the heart or soul." It says, "I don't really want to get to know you." It says, "I don't have a mind of my own." It says, "I don't believe in love." Instead, it has everything to do with your insecurities and egos. It isn't really logically unreasonable, it's just offensive, and it's a turnoff. If you can not or do not want to meet and get to know me by your own standards and your own internal locus of control, then we can never have a real human connection, and a real human relationship, even if I agreed to the check. You don't know who you are and you don't love yourself. You love the world (really, infatuated). So our relationship will hinge on what other people tell you about me. You're supposed to be the one that understands me better than anyone. The one person who I can turn to, whose hand I can hold, who will stand by my side always. Who trusts me more than anyone. The one person I can count on to be there even when the entire world is against me. That's love. But it's the opposite of what you're saying with that request. A background check simply doesn't say your interested in love. It says you're shopping for a sperm donor.

Absolutely not. I can rattle off how many background checks I've passed and for what reasons. However, when I found out that the mother of an ex called in a favor with a friend who was a 911 dispatcher and had my name run in her spare time, that was well and truly creepy.

Why on earth are you asking for a b/g check for a potential date. Thats screams out some sort of issue right there. For heaven's sake meet for a coffee at a public space or something. You may not click with the person there. Which is fine but why the energy of checking their past just yet. Surely you would find out about them when you talk to each other. If you feel he or she is being deceitful trust your gut, pay for your drink and leave. Downside is you wasted 10 minutes. Not hours of trying to find dirt or police checks on them.

Blunt and honest answer is -- nowadays you don't *need* somebody's consent -- Intelius does this stuff for, like, seven dollars, and even Google (ZabaSearch) (etc.) has a lot of it readily online.  My police-captain's-daughter ex used to have it done, as a matter of course, using license plates spotted in the driveway, whether or not she even so desired.

I'll pass the background check with flying colors. I do so every so many years. heheh I will still turn down the date and walk off. Just because I will pass it doesn't make it right. Others have explained well why it is wrong.

You date a person for who she is now. Not for who she was or has been. Wanting to know everything about the past of somebody means wanting to have control over a part of them that is very intimate. You start knowing people by their present and then get to know them by sharing your past with them, not the opposite. Personally, if a girl asked me about my past before going out with me, I would think she doesn't like me for who I am, as simple as that. Getting stuck in the past will make you miss out a lot in present moments. Give yourself a break and live in the moment.