Who do you think is harder to understand, a man or a woman?

How should an INFP man best approach an INTP woman?

• I am an INFP man and, over the last few days, I have been texting with an INTP woman. We were introduced by a friend and have not met each other in person yet. The whole thing started off on a "wrong foot." After my polite, casual and inviting (to get to know each other because I would like to make a new friend) message, she told me that she is a "special case" and to forget about her (she said that twice.) I was a little bewildered by her answer because she cut to the chase right away and rejected me. I think my friend didn't really do the best job of introducing us in the way I wanted - that is, I really wanted to get to know each other. If things went into the romantic direction - great. But, if they didn't, I would not mind a new friend. That "introduction" has understandably put a lot of pressure on her, and she (again understandably) wanted to cut it off. She said she didn't want to be friends either and to forget her. She was clear that this was her final response and that she would not message me again. Ok, cool - it's fine to be rejected, I thought. Rejected for offering a friendship, but oh well - it is what it is. Although I am an INFP, I have worked on myself to not take things too personally. And I didn't. I just felt that this kind of response was really due to the pressure put on her, and I frankly don't like to let situations go bad because of the wrong reason. So, I responded with a laid-back and humorous message to which she responded again, but this time in a humorous tone too. The conversation went from there. And I thought she understood that I am really after a friendship with her (I really am.) We were cracking jokes, but she has been openly defiant during the entire communication, expressing disbelief in my intentions, voicing that I am hurrying things too much (what, a friendship?), and so on. So, she responded today that she 'doesn't give a damn" and this conversation is over. That was a response to a laid-back message asking a question about her course of studies and a benign joke about her defiant side (full of smileys and can't possibly be offensive.) I do understand her overall reaction, as I said, and I am not bothered by it. She gave away what the problem is - she is convinced that I have expectations from her and that I am rushing it. Obviously, she is iNtuitive, but she is really taking it too far herself - I was just getting to know her in a very laid-back and funny way... She can do whatever she pleases - it's her right. I admittedly like her - yes. But, I am not emotionally invested at this point, and since she insists, I am ready to let it go. What gives me second thoughts is that her messages clearly show where the problem lies, and that it's not like she is completely disinterested in me. She just seems to create all these scenarios in her head that are not grounded in reality. I don't like giving up on people too early (although I will, at her insistence), but I want to make sure that I am not walking away from something that has some (even friendship) potential, and she does that just because it's easier for her that way... Despite her clearly "rough" approach (in her own words), I feel that there is more to her, and that she is letting this go because of misconceptions about my approach. I explained myself, and she said that she still doubts them, but continued a conversation. I talked to my friend again after this and another (cousin) who knows her, and they admitted that she is extremely introverted and has a difficult personality. Now, this may not be your typical INTP woman, and she calls herself a "special" and "different case." She is defiant and outright rude, but when I teased her about that, she gave away that she is inwardly mellow. So, I'd like to hear any advices from INTP women about this situation. I know that INTPs and INFPs relate to their feeling side very differently and approach people in a generally different manner. I want to bridge the gap and don't want to walk away from this woman. P.S. I have worked on and developed my Te to the point where people often confuse me for an INTJ, so you can rest assured that I approached her while keeping my Fi behind the curtains. I learned it makes the getting to know each other for the non-Fs much easier :-).

• Answer:

  Message me.   Er...her. Tell her something good. Ask her a question.   Find something you both dig.  Wax poetic, crack wise, be you. Tell her what you're like.  What you like.  Tell her what you like about her.  Be specific - not "you're hot"...something real.  Empty compliments are worthless wind.