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Who is Geelongs captain now?

Should I be friends with my ex-girlfriend who said, "what can a five-point-someone from IIT achieve in life as compared to a nine-pointer BCG consultant?"

  • Well, she didn't say it but was a part of a conversation where this was being said. It's four years post break up.  I was a sports captain in college - winning many laurels and situations both inside and outside campus. Polymers never excited me as much as 'what winning is'  and understanding myself through real challenges. In between, I stood for her whenever there was a possibility visible. Holding her hand when she is alone, making her read literature because she hasn't read any, coaching her sports team when she was the hostel captain, making her administrator for a large fest we organized (simply because she was feeling left behind and I thought what can I do). We also indulged into standard bf/gf stuff - watching films (and doing those things), long walks, eating and roaming. I was told with those gleaming eyes that I'm one of the best things happened to her. Until....Until.... she saw me struggling to get my degree out....struggling to find out what my next sports in life is. I went out acing my last semesters and then explored becoming a sports coach once out of the system. Had offers but I didn't join and instead routed myself back to technology - my long lost interest from school days. You can imagine that all these transitions didn't come smoothly. I underwent through lots of agitations and soul searching. Meanwhile, she got placed into BCG and thus came the periods of acting out strange. Of course, with those high flying and five star hotel life, you can get carried away for a while. For a while, I thought. The person who would not allow me to tiny-tip after dinner now starts giving lavishly to waiters. Hindi suddenly gets replaced by more English in speech. Most of her discussions now were not on what life to pursue together but what amazing BCG a place is and how just by having some contacts she can start a business. Networking kar rahi hai meri billo, acchi baat hai mainey socha. I also took my time to re-calibrate my own stance with her. At IIT, I was on a giving end and she receiving. Now she is doing better than me so stance can change and I can humble down myself. It's okay as long as we are one. Well, no. The relationship took a toll. I got the feeling that she is taking distance because I don't match her standard now. So much so that she gave her heart to a fellow coworker and he developed sentiments too. Both of them in denial, obviously. While her old bf is asking questions and throwing doubts related to career and life, the new one is picking her from airport after work and praising her at the next available opportunity. Received a phone call one day and she said 'Its over'. My whole world shook up. I thought that may be I have done something wrong and I don't know what is that. Along went apology letters from me to her. Hacked her mail and found that all my communication is now routing to that coworker and other senior office staff. I was being discussed like a case study in the company. I confronted with her about this and she said "IIT mein to aap dikhey to laga koi bada aadmi hai, yahaan BCG mein to ek se ek hain". Taaliyaan baja dijiye jara isi baat par. [Edit] I thought to not let her go just like that as it wasn't clear to me what is happening. Asked her if someone else has come in life. She denied. Her new interest told me to mind my own business and do something worthwhile in life while working hard. It hurt and we got into a tiff, all on mails. I reacted and, as things work, it went further against me. I was labelled a no-good and cheap. [Edit End] It was over, we never met after that. But she keeps contacting me for friendship every now and then. Wants me to keep in her closet so that she can look good to herself (that's what I think). My question is: Should I be friends to her ? Although what happened is sad and best case would have been a friendship. But I won't be able to. As I don't find it worth it. ---------------------------------------------------- [Closure] Thank you everyone for your very helpful feedback and comments. I have got my answers now and I'm convinced what I have to do. Many thanks once again. [Closure End]

  • Answer:

    I won't answer this in any detail here. The most telling line for me here is, "IIT mein to aap dikhey to laga koi bada aadmi hai, yahaan BCG mein to ek se ek hain." She is someone for whom social approval and status is paramount - and for her anything she does in life has to first go through that filter and come out on top. Whether she loved/ loves you or genuinely wants to be your friend is besides the point. You seem to be someone to whom people and who they are as human beings rather than their "outer coats", matter more. Is she wrong? No - she is different! That's all. People with such diametrically different values can rarely be real "friends" - they could be passing acquaintances who have the occasional coffee/ drink/ dinner together and have small talk about non controversial, impersonal subjects. Do you really need another friend like that - just for occasional hangout company? If yes, sure go ahead. If you don't (or it hurts to have her around) - there is not much of a loss in not being friends - unless it hurts even more to be "rude" and turn down the offer of "friendship". Whatever is easier for you - you should choose to do that. If I were you - I would be thankful to have dodged a bullet by not being "successful" academically and professionally - whatever granted you "status". You would have been foreseeably a disaster together long term, even you were successful - there will always be someone better...and you would have to come out on top each time to keep her. The other guy will lose his charm for her quickly enough - and unless they have already married by then, this one is on the rocks. If he is the same type, they may be able to sustain - because they both will strive to be on top of the social ladder as a couple. The one single non negotiable things I've seen that make couples run the long haul or not - is certainly shared values, even over quality of love, shared dreams and objectives. You should be ecstatic to have a second chance to choose more carefully - and having learnt what NOT to look for.

Madhuri Sen at Quora Visit the source

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Friends will appreciate you and make you feel good about yourself, and not run you down.  Seems she is looking at outer shell, and love/the real you has flown out of the window. You need to give her the boot - for good. Nobody deserves to have toxic people in their life.  PS : Just ended a 17 year friendship, when  I realised that while my friend was a top priority to me, but she had added other friends, and I was the last priority.

Anonymous

She may be doing the best with her point of View...., but it took you long or i would say late to understand the hint's which she was giving you, the reason you denied was simple, you wanted her in your life, as far & BCG career is concerned best of luck for Her...., she is flying with the speed in which she cannot steer her career, sharing personal life facts with colleague's will only make her vulnerable, she would be late to understand that. for colleague's she is the case study not "You" Never mind, what ever you do find happiness & satisfaction in that, if you ask me for a revenging kind of answer that would be "be friend with her, gain her confidence, be physical, parellely make a girl friend who is much matured & beautiful, make her realize what she lost in life" but never make her your partner again.

Satish Chowhan

I have been through exactly similar events in my life. I can correlate to each happening in your life. I have still overcoming the effects. After some time, the anger and hate on the person mellows down and you feel that what happened probably was a dream, what i was assuming the reality of life. Past is like that only. It took 1 year and half year to understand to me. I was in also in one of the best institute in my field in the country and had a girlfriend, who used to be just like yours. And she used to think of me as a great guy ( in her own standards) an intellectual, passionate, smart and impressive personality. I helped her in every problems/ psychological as well as academics. But nearing the course completion, she somehow started figuring out that she can not be with me, telling me the reasons which were already been dismissed in the initial phase by herself only. Due to all that happening(break up) suddenly in the last semester, in my thesis i got failed. With lost hopes and love, i then restarted my thesis with a new topic altogether, then passed it besides all my class people were not there in a different city/ different state, with all financial crisis to sustain in that extra time, i somehow passed it with the help ( emotional and academic) of a friend (girl), who was there in the city doing her job there.  This whole time was painful and hopeless, while this friend of mine was trying her best to look at the hopeful tomorrow and forgetting the past. I am indebted to this girl for all that help. Then i came to my own city. With all hopes lost in the turmoil to sustain in my personal life and academic life. I felt like i had been failed in love as well as in career.  I am still recovering from the past, and recovered a lot and realized recently that it's good that happened to me to know that life would always be abundant with such situations, where my actions would grow into fruits, bitter or sweet, small or big. So i have to keep my actions right in future as I had some doubts about our relationship in the initial phase itself but had got flowing into the flow of her insisting and my interests. I have no advice to you. In this phase, all advice seems to be ill- advice, as other person can't understand your state of mind. I would only say, " This too shall pass. "

Anonymous

Dude make her feel for what she has done just like this guy.But you should not be doing this to impress her but to make her regret for what she has done. :)

Anonymous

जो बीत गई सो बात गई जीवन में एक सितारा था माना वह बेहद प्यारा था वह डूब गया तो डूब गया अम्बर के आनन को देखो कितने इसके तारे टूटे कितने इसके प्यारे छूटे जो छूट गए फिर कहाँ मिले पर बोलो टूटे तारों पर कब अम्बर शोक मनाता है जो बीत गई सो बात गई You get the drift. :) And yes, you answered yourself in that last sentence. It's four years and if you are still asking this question, then it's not because you care for what she wants, but you've not truely 'moved on' yourself. She is a non entity to you. I know saying this wouldn't make much of a difference. I just hope you can get to that realization one day, hopefully soon. - you know who

Anonymous

I do not see much scope for being a special friend to her.  Going too close to her, I mean trying to maintain a close friendship, can be harmful to both of you.   Just have her as one of your any other classmate or associate. You too committed mistakes.  She had expectations about your career too.  But it seems you neglected your skills and the big opportunity to get admitted to IIT.   Remember there are thousands of students that were waiting for such an opportunity. May be you had been taken away by the achievements in sports.  That is a mistake.   You had to concentrated on your studies better and everything else was only a bonus.  But you missed some of the important targets. I see her response as a natural evolution.   I am not blaming either of you. Simply believe you were not made for each other.  Take it light. Accept it.  Have a plan for your life and proceed with it.

Crowly Mathew Arackal

No. Get rid of her. Start a new life. With people who accept you for who you are. Who encourage you and love you. Her part in your life is over. You do not need her. She does not deserve you. Do your best in life- career and personal life. Rise up. Forget all other past. After you reach a position where you feel you have succeeded in life. Then u can be friends with her. That also no need if u ask me.

Joel Sekar

You are not struggling with her actions, you're struggling with your deeds and with yourself.. Ask yourself, what you want now from life.. The 'answers' are somewhere within you, search them, find them.. ..why are you searching outside ?? Lastly, be honest to yourself.

Jyotsna Kharat

A "Five Point Someone" like you should think what are "the 3 mistakes of my life" while working "one night @ the call centre" and you will know that she was one mistake. You should know "what young India wants" and make a revolution in 2020 to have a "half girlfriend" or tell the story of your marriage to 2 states.

Shivendra Urs

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