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Is it good to take revenge(prove myself, show him that I am capable of more than what he thinks) or be with him as a friend (and just smile and talk from face, not from heart) who talked bad about me? What would you do if you were me?

• Here goes the story. I am myself Anna. My batch mate is Vinu. Anna and Vinu are studying in under grad school. My batch mate Vinu's close friend is David. David is one year senior to Anna and Vinu. David is a good friend, who use to help everyone, provide free advice and at times we feel that he is poking his nose too much into our jobs in the name of help.  Anna was suffering to complete his courses and about to fail his under grad. David flew from another city and talked to Anna & Vinu and other group of friends, and suggested that Vinu should help Anna. With Vinu's help Anna graduated. Anna was looking for job and looking for a place to stay and start his job hunt. David said that Anna can stay in David's place. But Anna didn't make use of the help as he got job immediately. Few months later, Anna lost his job. This time, Anna asked David to forward his resume to David's friend. Accidentally Anna heard David saying "Anna is not worth of studying in X university. He doesn't deserve to get into those companies for which he is asking me to refer" through Skype chat. Anna didn't continue to listen as he felt that it may be kind of eavesdropping, but I am sure David and his friends (including Vinu would have continued to talk more bad about me). But next day, David smiled and said that  Anna can stay in his place(second time) and look for job hunt. But didn't reply anything about forwarding the resume. But Anna got job and didn't make use of David's help(either staying in David's home or forwarding his resume). Now 1) What would you do if you were Anna? 2) Should I a) prove myself that I am capable of studying in X university and I am capable of joining the company that I was looking for (or) b) become David's friend(just say Hi-Bye friends) (or) c) be a good true friend(not as faking friends). 3) Should Anna later(after proving that he is capable of) say that he had heard what David was saying bad about him the other day? Please help me. I am confused and I can digest what he said about me.

• Answer:

  Hi Anna, For (1) I would confront David and Venu - if i believe he is also having similar thoughts. Mention that you listened to the talk and wanted to have a discussion about it because you were upset with it. A friend would totally understand it. For (2) preferred to do a and c . Else a and b. Note that "a" is regardless of me having to prove myself to anyone. It would matter most to myself what I end up doing in my life (I cant impact other people's life more with my life than how much it would impact mine). So I will try to just follow my dreams If I were you I would get the job at the company I want to work with and the university i want to study in  (be it X as was in the discussion or a new interest be it Y or Z) . 3) - I personally feel you should speak to David (and venu is applicable) at the earliest or just forget about the whole incident. Do not let such things consume your thoughts/memory/ time. Am sure there must be plenty of good things David has done in the past - you will cherish keeping them in your memory bank much more than using it up for such incidents. Below is what I had written before you detailed your question --- For me there would be two different approach to this situation each depending on how much do I value the friendship - If I have valued his friendship  - I would confront the person and discuss the issue with him openly. If i do value the person's friendship I would believe he would also value the same and hence we would try to work out the matter together to keep the relationship alive. It might turn out that once we resolve our difference and I explain to the person that If he has any thing against me he must feel free to come to talk to me about it rather than talking behind my back - it might end up being better for our friendship. On the other hand, I might discover that my valued friend actually does not care enough for my feelings. I would still be at gain from this experience. Since every relationship needs to be worked upon and not just dumped, I will be satisfied that I gave it a shot to save the friendship. I can then happily move on. I would also introspect myself in the light of the things that were mentioned about me - and if I see any merit in them try to improve myself in those aspects, else just ignore them. There has not been anything to value - no memories I cherish or stories I can boast of our friendship - I would again follow the above steps. Maybe I would gain a new friend or just loose an acquaintance. Either way - Revenge is not good. Hurting that person back would do no good to you but will make certain that you loose your friend / acquaintance. Showing yourself worthy to others / proving your worth should not be a motivation - rather it should be aimed to yourself. You need to always prove to yourself and be at peace with yourself. PS- i edited the phrase in the question ( "prove myself that I am capable than what he thinks" changed to "prove myself, show him that I am capable of more than what he thinks") to reflect what I thought you wanted to ask - please comment if you actually meant to prove to Yourself that you were capable of more than what your friend thinks.