Depression and work sickness policies

If you're going to use a medical diagnosis as justification for changing your work arrangements, you really ought to do it the right way, going through HR with medical documentation from a physician. I know your boss is great and you like your workplace and all that, but you never know when a workplace will turn on you and use this sort of thing as justification for personnel decisions that could negatively impact your career. If you really feel that this is key to your performance, you need to get it on file as a medical accommodation. And if not, stop talking to your boss about how your depression impacts your ability to get your job done.

How do I communicate to my boss that my depressive feelings are reasons for a sick day, or to work from home? The best way to do this, would be to use a doctors note delivered to your boss, or better yet, HR.

I think that for most offices it's a pretty big "ask" to say that you suddenly want to be working from home for months at a time. This is pretty different from sick days, where you're using them one or two days at a time, sporadically. If your office already has remote work situations set up for some workers (it sounds like this may be the case, but not sure the extent of it), perhaps it's a matter of seeing if you can transfer to another department/working group where your supervisor is more comfortable with a remote team. But I don't think it's unreasonable for your boss to prefer face-to-face communication. I like the idea of negotiating a work-from-home day as part of your schedule -- maybe one day every other week, or one afternoon a week, or something like that. I do this informally at my job -- I work in an office, but no one is really monitoring my attendance....but, I know that working from home every single day makes me really unproductive, so I don't do that. But, when I have a day when I'm feeling sort of crappy (but not so sick as to take a sick day) or just like I really need a break from people, I'll work at home just for that day, and it works out fine. That's quite different from being 100% remote, but might give you some relief while being a reasonable compromise with your boss.

You don't say whether you are currently seeing a therapist, or if you are on any meds. Your employer would most likely view both of those as being part of "making an effort." If you are on meds, you might want to speak with your doc about an adjustment. OTOH, if you are merely toughing-out the depression bouts, your employer is probably going to tire of you regularly missing work or asking for special treatment. Definitely talk to a therapist about this situation.

I wonder if you could try for a combined approach - might he be receptive to regular planned work from home days (say, once a week or twice a month or whatever you can negotiate)? I've found in the past that knowing I'd have e.g. Wednesdays at home both helped me get through the days I was in the office, and let me plan to shuffle my work around a bit so the things that really needed intense quiet focus I could do on those days. It was also less disruptive to the team to have it be "Stacey is not around on Wednesdays, but you can call if you need her" vs "Stacey has an erratic and unpredictable schedule and you never know if she'll be in or whether it's okay to call." You might approach this at first as a "Hey, can we try this for a month and then regroup and see if it's sustainable?" request, if you think your boss will be leery of granting long-term permission. That would also give you an opening down the road to say "Hey, I think this is actually working SO WELL for everyone that I'd like to try two days a week, how do you feel about that?" or whatever. It's probably not reasonable to expect that you will get the go-ahead to work 100% from home at least right away so I think you also need to tackle accommodations for working better in the office. Jump at that quieter-solo-cubicle offer. Ask if you can switch your schedule a bit so you're in the office during core hours but maybe you come a bit earlier, or stay a bit later, than other folks, so you have at least some quiet time during your day. Keep trying things - sounds like sound-based options aren't helping, but maybe there are mindfulness or CBT routines you can try to help focus you. If you have a therapist, which I'd suggest you should if your depression is interfering with your work to this extent, talk with them about suggestions for working better at work. Alternatively, you may want to start looking at your formal options for accommodations via human resources. I don't know what those might be, but it could be a conversation to open up with them and/or with your doctor/therapist. I'm sorry you're going through this - it really, really sucks when your brain makes your basic life stuff so much more difficult than it has to be. I hope you're getting some treatment of whatever sort works for you, and are feeling steadier soon.

A trick that may help you get by: Just tell yourself you're going to do three small one minute tasks with say a two hour stretch of time. You can write them down and cross them off if you'd like. This takes the pressure off and hey, you're getting those three things done. Not everyday needs to be your most productive. You can tell yourself you'll do four things in the work stretch after lunch. 90% of the time I try this I get sucked into my work and am pretty productive for an hour. Good luck.

I would make sure you're working with your therapist on techniques to manage anxiety, not just depression.

I've been through this. At one job, I told my boss about the depression because it had caused me to take an extra sick day. He was understanding at first but did quickly turn. The end result of the job was that he wouldn't let me use my banked time off for a hospital stay following a suicide attempt, so I walked out. I'm not trying to scare you or give you more to worry about. But I do want to encourage you to dot your i's from the start as far as documentation, etc. through HR. Would it be an option for you to go on short-term disability? Your boss might prefer that. And so might you. Finally, I agree with the poster above who advised against working from home when depressed. Working at least forced me to get dressed, leave the house, and smile in the elevator. Sure, I sobbed at my cube all day, but there was more of a chance of my day improving than if I'd been hiding at home, depressed and alone and trying to persuade myself to do work.

While you might consider asking for a reduced work load during a severe depressive episode (to mitigate stress), every clinician will tell you that a stable routine and social contact are key to recovery. The urge to retreat, while powerful, should be resisted.