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What happens during a bar or bat mitzvah?

Bar Mitzvah Gifts Nowadays?

  • Oy vey! Jews of Metafilter, help me out: what is an appropriate bar mitzvah gift in 2015? It's been years since I attended one, but the first one from the next gen of my family is happening soon and I need a gift, shortly to be followed by the kids of a bunch of my friends. Back in the day, a Cross pen was considered a good gift and I just know that moment has passed. More details: -- the denominations involved: Reform + Reconstructionist + even more liberal Jews with maybe a Conservative thrown in -- we're in California, if it makes a difference -- this first one happens to be a bar mitzvah but there will certainly be some bat mizvahs in the mix too -- definitely for this first one: this is a part of my family I'm not close to. I have no idea what he has already, what others are giving or whatever -- if it's money, how much and in what format? A check? Something different? And you don't have to be Jewish to respond. Those of you who are Jew-adjacent, please weigh in!

  • Answer:

    If you know of any particular hobbies or interests, you might see if you can buy a subscription box relevant to that interest. I know that 13-year old me would have LOVED a Birchbox subscription. For boys, maybe a LootCrate if they're into video games, etc. if they're into video games. Has the benefit of being something that they would receive for a few months after the event. If you want to give money, it's traditional to give in multiples of $18. Give a check.

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It's money. if it's money, how much and in what format? A check? Something different? Yes, a check. An accompanying card with some kind of personal message to the kid is nicer than just a check, of course. The amount is hugely variable depending on class and cultural context and individual family expectations but the median is probably in the $50-100 range, especially for a kid you don't know well and aren't closely related to. One thing to know about writing a check, though, is that there are parents who'll scoop all the checks into a college fund or whatever instead of letting the kid spend it. A relative who specifically wants to give a present-day gift and not be conscripted into paying for college five years from now will sometimes go for a gift card instead, just to avoid that.

RogerB

My little brother's bar mitzvah was two years ago, and every single gift was money. His friends got him stuff that he would actually want, but otherwise it was all cash. Also +1 to multiples of 18 being traditional.

Itaxpica

For folks that you aren't close to, $18 in whatever form is traditional (for numerological reasons.) I got more checks than cash, but cash was welcome! I also got a number of savings bonds, mostly from older relatives. (My parents definitely corralled the checks into a savings account that ended up buying my first (total junker) car. The cash I got to spend however I wanted.) In terms of physical stuff, I got a bunch of jewelry (from relatives who didn't know me, mostly, because I do not wear jewelry at all) and a couple of my friends clubbed together and bought me a CD player. But mostly I got (and wanted, and liked) money.

restless_nomad

Money. Denominations of $18. I got a lot of gift cards to book stores, but everyone knew I was a big nerd who liked to read.

ablazingsaddle

Money, in a denomination of $18, tucked into a book if the giftee is a reader. If you think the kid won't read the book for a while, tuck cash into some pages along with a note rather than a check. For relatives, check with the parents to see if there is an item of Judaica he/she needs. I also always plant a tree via the JUF and get the certificate send to them.

juniperesque

Nthing denominations of $18, maybe in the form of a Visa/Amex.

roomthreeseventeen

The correct answer is that modern-day bar/bat mitzvah gifts for assimilated Jews are utterly indistinguishable from any other gift you might give to someone in the same cohort. The only exceptions are that this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, so the gifts might be of higher value than those given for a birthday or holiday, and that money in increments of $18 is traditional. If you don't know the kids well enough to have insight into their tastes, just cut a check for $36 or $54 or whatever and think no more of it.

Faint of Butt

Nthing cash, multiples of 18, cash or check.

thomas j wise

Yet another vote for money, multiples of $18.

SisterHavana

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