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How to talk to a company as a prospective contractor vs. employee?

How to deal with a Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde co-worker/friend/former employee

  • Contractor who works for me is a nice guy - reasonable, good sense of humor, can work out problems in a sensible way. Except when he turns into an arrogant, mean tantrum throwing bully. What is the best way to deal with this? My small business has merged with another company, and one of my former employees (now a contractor) has a job there on my recommendation. He's great... except with he gets in one of his moods. It's like night and day. He becomes arrogant and mean. He can't be reasoned with, I have tried being very patient, tried to use a little humor (which usually works well). Nothing. It's basically a tantrum, and whatever he's upset about is 100% my fault and in no way his fault. Yesterday this happened again. At first I tried to be reasonable. Then I told him it wouldn't matter what I said, when he gets in a mood like that everything I say is wrong. He got very sarcastic and said I was blaming him for my mistakes and my problems. An example of something he's gotten upset about is changing locks. I like to change them with the same brand of lock, and use as much of the hardware that is already in the door as possible. So I just change the actual lock part of the deadbolt. That's a fast way to do it, and you don't have to unscrew and re-screw things into the old wooden doors, which weakens them. He decided that the way it needed to be done was to take everything out and put it back in new. But I have 7 years of experience doing this, he's just starting - and I'm paying for it. He threw a fit about that that ended up in him stomping away, slamming his car door and driving off, leaving me alone in the house to finish the work. Next time this type of project came up, he did it my way with no fuss. This behavior change happens every six weeks or so. He has apologized to me "that he was in a bad mood yesterday" but resists talking about it. My thinking on it is to talk to him today (he is back to his usual self) and tell him that in the future when he gets like that I'm going to leave or ask him to leave, and we will discuss it the next day. Does that seem reasonable? Should I say anything to the owner of the new company?

  • Answer:

    "John, we all have good days and bad days. I'm sure you have the self-awareness to know that when you have a bad day, you behave unprofessionally, and it's harming your credibility. I've appreciated it when you've come back and apologized when you took out your bad day on me. But I have a business to run, and I'm not willing to work with you on those bad days - it's frustrating to both of us and sets us back. So in the future, when you feel like you're having a bad day, I want to invite you to just excuse yourself from the situation so it doesn't impact our working relationship. Work on a solo project or take a personal day."

Melsky at Ask.Metafilter.Com Visit the source

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It's not clear if you are in a position to write him up, but I think you have to handle this in a professional business manner and leave out the humor and excuses and attempts to coddle him. Driving away and leaving you alone to finish a job he was supposed to do or help with is completely unacceptable in my book. The next day after this happens I would meet with him and give him a warning (and explain whatever the series of escalating warnings are). Or tell him you won't work with him again. Whatever is in your power, I would engage it because these episodes are completely unacceptable in the workplace (or anywhere really).

JenMarie

What this makes me think of, is some kind of mental health issue. FWIW.

flug

Your thinking about how to talk to him is solid. I wouldn't talk to the owner of the new company...if your contractor acts like this regularly, he'll eventually show his ass to the wrong people.

xingcat

I'm assuming from the way you framed your question that you have a reasonably long work history with him and that this behavior is new, post-merger. I've been through a merger (where I sold out to another company) and brought employees with me. It's a very emotional time. I'm sure you realize this, but in your example, it's really not about the lock. And it's not necessarily a long-term mental health issue. You can be pretty balanced and feel very strange in this situation. From his perspective: You're doing the same job, for a lot of the same people, but there are new decision-makers. If you have half a brain, you know that you're on probation, in a sense. No one walks into a company they just bought and fires everyone all at once, but people buy companies because they see potential synergy, and that usually equates to a chance to reduce headcount over time. You may not even LIKE working for the new company. So you still have a job, you're probably busy as hell dealing with merger-related issues, or taking on new job responsiblities, but in a way you feel unemployed, or like you've been demoted, because all of a sudden, and without any decision made by you, you're in a new job, and you've been there a week. Obviously his behavior is self-sabotaging. Not sure if anything will help, but taking him aside and acknowledging that the situation is stressful, giving him assurance (if you reasonably can) that he has a solid place in the organization IF HE DOESN'T BLOW IT (ex. "the new owner hired you, and he really didn't have to do that. But he sees your value because..."). Small bonuses (probably not in your power, if he now works for another guy), new tools or gadgets, even if they're all to be used on the job, sometimes make people feel more valued and job-secure. And maybe he could use a few days off...

randomkeystrike

I'm confused. Your company has merged with another company, which engages your former employee as a contractor. You ask if you should say anything to the owner of the other company. If you've merged, are you not all the same company? And if you are all the same company, are you not this contractor's superior? Basically, my advice would be to tell the contractor to start behaving professionally and follow instructions or find somewhere else to work but I feel like I am missing something in the business arrangement here.

rocketpup

Can you please clarify the chain of command for everyone in this situation?

radioamy

Did he recently get sober?

Mr. Yuck

Sounds drug-fueled to me. Ask him directly if he's using and see what happens.

jamjam

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