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Providing Second Hand Negative Feedback

  • I'm the mentor/"manager" for a guy early in his career in my company. I've gotten routine feedback that his attitude/demeanor isn't really a culture fit, but other than that, he's a pretty good employee. We'd like to see him "shaped" into someone who is better fit. How do we proceed? Is this in the realm of possibility? I'm not his direct manager (we're on clients so it always changes), but we help mentor employees and manage their performance reviews. In dealing him, he's very confident, not super humble, but he's 'ok' and can speak very well to what he's doing on the client. He keeps me INFORMED. He's great with the client and other colleagues who are kind of like minded. He's gotten great reviews in that sense (especially from the client). But others think he thinks his shit don't stink, he's smug, he's cocky, takes credit for other people's work, basically--he's a douchebag. I'm pretty confident if I were on his project I would think the same thing. He's not a problem because he's still bringing in money to the company, alot of people like him (though alot of people don't, especially his peers). Everytime I bring something like this up I feel the need to bring up exact incidents of his behavior-- but I rather not as that will impact how he views the folks he works with. So it's an awkward conversation. He's gotten feedback routinely that he comes out this way but continues to sort of behave that way. I don't really think he can change, that he's probably a better fit with go-getting folks (another company), but I'm here to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with providing effective feedback. Thanks!

  • Answer:

    Everytime I bring something like this up I feel the need to bring up exact incidents of his behavior-- but I rather not as that will impact how he views the folks he works with. But you kind of need to. "You're a jerk, can you not be?" isn't really actionable and isn't going to lead anywhere good. There may be a way to phrase it that "you noticed" a certain incident, so he doesn't realize his co-worker ratted him out. But then It's really not such a bad thing for him to realize people told on him- maybe he's the type who genuinely doesn't realize his actions are an issue for anyone. And if he goes back, guns blazing, "WHY DID YOU TELL ON ME YOU ASSHOLES," then you kind of have your answer of whether to retain him or not. Oh and btw, I'd try to steer clear of the term "culture fit" if possible. There's a lot of baggage around it, particular in Silicon Valley type places, where it means "We only hire young white males who went to Stanford and wear hoodies."

sandmanwv at Ask.Metafilter.Com Visit the source

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You could start by picking some random milestone as an excuse to offer a 'let's sit down and talk about how you're doing' conversation. Invite him to talk about his experiences with clients. What has he learned? What works, doesn't work? What can he do to improve? Segue to his relationships with co-workers. What has he learned? What works, doesn't work? What can he do to improve? If he engages with you authentically about this, he is probably self-aware enough to be coachable and (as you put it) "shaped". If he declines to engage and prefers to shift blame, there may not be a lot here to work with. As always, document.

John Borrowman

Is this casual feedback or something n the context of a performance review? Are you actually his manager or not? I don't think this is as much of a conflict as you're presenting it as. I don't think you need to be terribly specific, but can be shared as a compliment sandwich. As in: compliment, "I have gotten feedback from your peers about a smug attitude.", compliment. In my experience, attitude complaints from peers are not a huge matter of importance. Attitude complaints from higher ups are. Depending on your personal feelings about this person, you can upgrade or downgrade the level of concern. The ability to take criticism, in my opinion, is important.

vunder

Why is this your problem? Because it affects you, because it bothers you, or because you are responsible for him? If A. Then talk to your own manager about how to deal with him. Or, try to drop a few hints with him when it happens, and make him feel guilty for being a jerk. Both could back fire. If B. then just leave it alone. Being cocky is actually an asset in some fields. Unless it's truly hurting your work try to deal with it--believe me it's better than a nice guy who screws everything up. If C. you have to have a serious heart to heart with him somewhere neutral and not a work. Go grab coffee with him, or a beer, or just talk a walk. Tell him he's making it difficult for other people to do their jobs (not you, you love him, but...). He's striking people the wrong way. No you're not going to name names. If he wants to be a long lasting member of the company, he has to specifically try to seem more humble. Sure, it's a pose, because he's awesome, but he needs to be politically smarter if he's going to get ahead. He just has to chill out a lot, and you know he will because he's doing so well at actual job duties AB and C. Hopefully that will play into his ego to the point where he'll give it a shot.

Potomac Avenue

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