What are some activities/dates I can do to boost confidence?

I know you said you don't want mantras, but my wife has helped to shake me from my wishy-washy "I don't care, what do you want to do?" attitude with the Iron Fist of Certainty. It's really simple: if someone asks what you want to do, stand your ground and proclaim what you want to do. But that doesn't mean you have to fight to make your decision last. For example, here is a possible interchange between two people regarding lunch decisions. - What do you want to eat for lunch? -- Deli sandwiches from that place down the street! Iron fist! - Oh, I had sandwiches yesterday at work. How does Chinese food sound? -- Great! I will eat a filling meal of sweet and sour chicken! Iron fist! - Are you sure? You just said you wanted sandwiches. -- Chinese food is also great! If proclaiming your one top choice is too final, you can play 5-3-1. Player 1 asks "where do you want to eat?" Player 2 lists 5 options. Player 1 responds by reducing that list to 3, and Player 2 selects the final location. The world is full of perfectly good things to do, achieve and eat (not in that particular order). Be bold, and start with one.

Fun activity to do together, boost confidence, take (safe) risks, make quick decisions and increase spontaneity? I had my answer as soon as I read your title, and was more sure as I read the rest of your question. TAKE AN IMPROV CLASS. I started taking improv classes 3 years ago, and it did *wonders* for my self-confidence. Spontaneity is one of the things we work hard on in class - setting aside the judgmental part of your brain and saying yes, to yourself and your scene partner. You take all kinds of imaginary risks in exercises and scenes, plus the risk of stepping out on stage, assuming you have a class show at the end. Quick decisions? Oh yeah. When you're in a scene, there's no time for hemming and hawing. Seriously, DO THIS. It is a ridiculous amount of fun.

take up separate sports somewhere and meet some new friends. for example you learn to rock climb and she learns to dance salsa, or something. eventually you can start to learn one another's things or go out with other couples/people you meet at your respective hobby places. one hour of cardio a week for people your age is nothing, especially if you are getting lazy and depressed and sleeping all the time, which exercise will help combat. i always think of partnered dancing and climbing together when i think of activities that encourage teamwork. or sign up for a cooking class or new hobby class - either take it together and make it a recurring date, or you each try two things and then share your experiences over dinner afterward etc. with the tennis and geocaching, sounds to me like you are not accountable when it's just a matter of being accountable to each other - then you can both back out, and be lazy, and no one else is around for that except the other half of the partnership. the key to actually doing stuff is get involved in a situation where other people besides your partner are also expecting you to do stuff. get some momentum now before actual depression might set in. video games and board games are fun, but they are basically sedentary activities, and not the kind of activities that help fix depression or give you more energy or make you feel strong and willing to take risks. if you do stuff that makes you get strong you will feel strong (and confident, and more likely to be spontaneous).

OK, I'll be the contrarian. Sometimes, you're in a rut and you just need to muddle through. Since life is often a rollercoaster, I'm sure there's fun on the way. Life is too short to always be doing. Being can be fun too.

What are different levels of improv classes? There are different levels of improv classes, typically based on experience. Most improv schools that are bigger than "local troupe offers intro to improv" status run on a level system of some sort, with the levels being mostly based on experience. Unless you're an experienced improviser, you want their level 1/beginner/intro class. Do people ever use annoying accents? All the time. But, not so much annoying as bad, or inexperienced, which is totally fine. Changing your voice is a really easy way to be not you. I do a wide variety of really horrible accents. :) Are they expensive? Depends. The beginner class at UCB in NYC is $400. The beginner class I took from the guys in the local improv troupe was $150. Both classes were 3 hours a week for 8 weeks, and included a chance to perform at the end. Are there beginner-focused classes that aren't at a university? Absolutely! I found mine by searching for "improv" and "New Jersey" and combing through the search results. Your best bet for a non-college improv class are any local improv troupes. Check out their websites and see if they offer classes. Feel free to MeMail me if you have more questions.

[Hey, bbqturtle, this isn't set up to be an ongoing conversation. Please let people answer as they will from here on out.]

Booksherpa, that sounds like a great idea :) What are different levels of improv classes? Do people ever use annoying accents? Are they expensive? Are there beginner-focused classes that aren't at a university? Thanks!

Oh, and since you mention committing to a regular schedule above - I forgot to mention that this is another reason I really think rec department or park district-level classes would be great. They're often something like a once-a-week-for-a-month commitment, and are offered at a variety of times and locations since they're geared towards people taking them for fun.

Does your local recreation or parks department offer dance classes? Take one together that's totally outside of either of your wheelhouses. I took a few sessions of a hip-hop dance class through the Milwaukee Rec Department a couple years ago, and it totally changed my confidence around my body and its movement. At first, I felt silly and like I was just poorly imitating our teacher, but as time went on I started to lose that self-consciousness and just move. Our teacher was so talented and supportive and really cared about us having fun, while still pushing us to get out of our comfort zones with the dances he choreographed for us. I miss those classes so much (our teacher moved away and wasn't replaced) and they really helped me feel differently in terms of physical confidence, which I think is totally linked to the kind of mental confidence you're describing in your question. I'd encourage you to check out low-key course offerings through something like a local rec or parks department - I think a dance course that really pushes you to do something new could be great for what you describe! It doesn't need to be partner dancing, although swing or a really energetic ballroom dancing class could probably be fun in the same way too!