Hacking my sad feelings about Christmas and passing of time

Both "War is Over," and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" actually ARE about "sad feelings about Christmas and passing of time," though. Initial versions of "Have Yourself..." were so sad Judy Garland, who certainly knew what it meant to have problems, http://www.npr.org/2010/11/19/131412133/the-story-behind-have-yourself-a-merry-little-christmas. The song is about being separated from loved ones, possibly permanently. (In the context of Meet Me in St. Louis the father is moving away, and the song debuted in 1944--the troubles and distance resonated for most people affected by WWII. That was not a happy year for Christmas.) The NPR article referenced above also states that Hugh Martin, one of the writers, hated Christmas later in life : http://www.npr.org/2010/11/19/131412133/the-story-behind-have-yourself-a-merry-little-christmas In the 1950s, after the war was over, Frank Sinatra asked to change the"Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow," line (always the most wrenching for me) to "Hang a shining star upon the highest bough." http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_Yourself_a_Merry_Little_Christmas To try to use all this to answer your question, though, I think maybe feeling like you're "supposed to," be happy (and/or that everyone else is happy) is what makes Christmas so much worse. Maybe see those songs as an acknowledgment that other people feel the same way you do?

The problem isn't the season or the songs you're hearing, it's this: My partner and I are in a shitty ongoing life situation that I keep hoping will be resolved but isn't. You have agency. You have control over your life. What can you do to change this ongoing life situation? I don't mean to blame you for the situation at all - at all. I was in a very shitty ongoing life situation with a partner myself once, and it was not my fault. There was nothing about the situation that I was causing. But there was something I could do to change the situation. So I did it. And the thing I did to change the situation was absolutely terrible and terrifying and so, so painful. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I did it, and I am so much better off. What I did was I left my "partner" - I left, and it was so rough. But he was abusive and mean and cruel and nothing I did was going to change that, so I left him. And I imagine he is still out there, living his life in tremendous amounts of pain, and probably causing a new girlfriend tremendous amounts of her own pain. I'm not saying that this is your situation - you've not identified the situation in your post, so I am just using my situation as an example. My point is to illustrate that the thing that I had to do was incredibly dramatic and upending and scary but the short term pain was more than worth the long term gain. What can you do to change the situation? No matter how hard it hurts, no matter how impossible it seems, that is what you need to do. You don't need to avoid specific songs. You need to tackle this situation head-on. That's the only thing that will actually solve your problem.

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is one of the saddest songs in US pop culture. Especially the Judy Garland version, which I remember seeing as the soundtrack to endless TV Sad Christmas E pisodes featuring some character on a bus or a train, alone, cheek pressed up against the glass, going far away from their friends and loved ones, afraid the relationships were irreparable. Please don't feel like there's something wrong with you because this song makes you feel bad. It's awful. It's like a tragic aria about the isolation and longing that comes with deep winter and the social mandate to be happy and celebratory, even when your life is hard and you're unhappy. John and Yoko's 'Happy Christmas' is, like someone else said, literally about the adult feelings of sadness and longing, specifically about family difficulties and being separated from your loved ones at the holidays. "Happy Christmas, Kyoko," to Yoko's kidnapped, missing daughter, and the self-incriminating"Happy Christmas, Julian," to John's neglected first son. These are both sad, sad, songs, and it's not your fault that they're getting massive corporate radioplay as part of the pressure to spend more money around the holidays. That being said. A really good hack for me for the feelings of hopelessness and time whirling out of control is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9jbdgZidu8 Crank it up, dance to it, laugh so you don't cry.

Give yourself permission to hate Christmas, change the station every time those songs come on, and be moody about the whole thing. I have a long history with sucky life stuff happening around Christmas. I have weird family life transition shit happening right now that feels especially noticeable when I think about various holiday rituals. And, frankly, I've never been much of a Christmas person in the first place. Sometimes the holidays can feel like this absurd hegemony of forced cheerfulness, and you know what? It's bullshit. You are not required to take part. Take care of yourself. Do the things that make you happy, and skip the rest. And don't feel compelled to hide your complicated life and complicated feelings behind a cheery holiday mask.

It recently occurred to me that a lot of holiday standards were first recorded during WW2. All those songs about being home for Christmas, dreaming of a white Christmas, having oneself a merry little Christmas, etc. are written in a context of the very real possibility that simple pleasures like family holiday traditions are in the past, and the narrator of the song may literally never be home for Christmas again. So, if it helps, you could imagine that all those schmaltzy holiday songs are really about the wistful troubled questioning you're going through, yourself, and aren't as smug as they tend to come off nowadays.

I suggest maybe being a little more evasive of Christmas and perhaps a bit more embracing of Advent and of Yule. Advent, to many Christian churches, is a rather muted time of fasting and contemplation leading right up to Christmas eve. Yule is at least partly about celebrating the fact that we have got beyond the solstice, the days are starting to get longer again and we are not necessarily doomed. So channel the spirit of advent to meditate - and then the spirit of Yule to celebrate getting gradually nearer to Spring. Ignore Christmas until it is right upon you - that is what Scrooge did, after all.

I suggest that a good book would be http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0054M063A It addresses the exact problem you're experiencing.

Shopping centers are easy. You need a device capable of playing music, a good set of headphones, and a depraved indifference to the opinions of strangers. I'd suggest the Trans-Siberian Orchestra if you insist on Christmas music, but a lot of their shit is pretty maudlin as well, and you can only listen to "Christmas Eve (Sarejevo 12/24)" so many times.

Last threadsit I promise, but I shouldn't have focused too much on the music in my question - they set it off, but so do a lot of other traditions - it's more the feelings of time passing and hopelessness they inspire that I'm hoping to hack. Thanks!