I have purchased and returned every pillow at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

• I need help finding a pillow. I have read through the http://ask.metafilter.com/tags/pillow, but no one seems to have had the specific issues I have, so, I pose to you this question. Here are some factors that make this hard: - I am a variable sleeper--back, side, and sometimes even stomach. This varies by night and by hour. This is not changeable. I move while I'm sleeping. - I am very wee, with narrower shoulders than the average pillow user. - I run cold, and I have a great deal of long, very very thick hair that insulates my head. I recognize this is a bizarre statement when discussing pillows, but I swear it is relevant because I think it is why all the memory foam pillows I've tried feel like bricks--my head doesn't warm them up to make them soft and denty. You ask: what did I do with pillows before now? Well, I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago, and that sparked a pillow change. When I lived by myself, this is how I did pillows: I had a queen sized bed, and in it, I had two head pillows--both old, softish and flattish, one a bit squishier than the other, side by side, a tiny bit overlapped. Different ways of overlapping them provided the right level of height and support for the different positions. Now that I share a bed with someone, I cannot have this many pillows (I also have a cuddle pillow to squish when I sleep on my side) and I need to make this work with one head pillow. (Before you ask why I don't try just one of the pillows I used to have: I threw those away when I moved because they were very old and I mistakenly believed that I could do better. I have yet to do so. I regret this nightly.) My main complaint with the cornucopia of pillows I have purchased and returned to Bed, Bath, and Beyond is that they are too tall. I guess "lofty" is the pillow industry term. I don't know if I'm really that much tinier than the average pillow user, but these pillows make me feel like I'm half sitting up when I lay on my back (and yes, these were all "back and stomach sleeper" pillows--the side sleeper ones even looked too tall in the store). I hate them and bid them good riddance. Here are all the pillows I've tried and what I found wrong with them: -A down pillow from BB&B I don't remember the brand of, but it was expensive (ie, a nice, real down pillow): Not too tall, but too fluffy. It was sort of ok when I was on my back, but When I was on my side, it popped up in my face and I hated it. I liked the adaptability of it, but the too-fluffiness was a big problem, and it also had no support for when I was on my side. -http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/mypillow-reg-pillow/211260?categoryId=13114 I hate this pillow; I resent that it is deemed to be mine. It feels like sleeping on packaging peanuts and I have to readjust it all night, and it is way, way, way too tall for back sleeping, even the back/side sleeper one I bought. The height was somewhat ok for side, but the texture was still terrible. -http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/stearns-foster-reg-nbsp-luxe-down-alternative-100-egyptian-cotton-traditional-pillow/118383?categoryId=13114 managed to be both too fluffy and too tall. Also, it seemed to be more supportive in the middle of the pillow, and floppier on the edges, whereas I believe I would prefer the opposite, for neck support. Anyway, this one was the suckiest of the suckpillows I tried and I'm ashamed to have used it even once. -Last night's cause of misery, was a good texture, but also way, way too tall, and also seemed more supportive/thick in the middle than I would like, and less supportive/thick on the edges. Who likes pillows to be like this!? -My boyfriend's http://www.1800mattress.com/tempur-pedic-tempur-pedic-neck-pillow/800-TP15300414.html?utm_campaign=%5BPLA%5D%5BShopping+Campaign%5D&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&product_id=%5Bproduct_id%5D&gclid=Cj0KEQiAzb-kBRDe49qh9s75m-wBEiQATOxgwUR7bml8Fer_x_2DxGM8eWtgTonj-VcyDiwbVIlsuIAaAv5z8P8HAQ&sv3=73893tk25473 is a good shape for when I sleep on my back, but it feels like a brick to me (possibly for aforementioned hair insulation reasons), and it is no good for sleeping on my side at all. My ideal pillow would be loosely shaped like the tiny tempurpedic neck pillow (with the greater support on the outside as opposed to the middle of the pillow), but maybe a TINY bit taller so I could sleep on my side too, and a great deal more adjustable, with a much different texture, because memory foam feels like a brick. This pillow does not seem to exist, at least at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. But maybe you know of a pillow somewhere else that meets my ridiculous requirements? I prefer not to order online, but would consider it at this point. Help? I am tired.

• Answer:

  I can't recommend a http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0037NX61M/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/. It's stuffed with soba/buckwheat hulls. My mom bought mine in Japan, and it's lasted for years. You can shape it exactly how you want it, and it stays that way. Great neck support. You can buy a Sobakowa pillow at Walgreens to check it out, but for $20, try the real thing. Love, love, love it!