Strippin' for my money or me? How do I find him now?

Stripper chiming in. I can't tell at all if the guy was hitting on you for real or trying to pick you up as an escorting client, mostly because of the drunkenness involved: you don't remember a lot of things clearly, and he sounds like he was inebriated as well. He could have been really into you and felt the same "oh my god, a normal human I can talk to" that you did, or that club could have a culture of really, really pushy and physical workers. Both are equally likely, imo, although I doubt the guy had any kind of malicious intent to screw you over/out of your money; he probably did like you on some level and enjoy spending time with you even if he was primarily working and thought you wanted that level of physical contact. I also want to bring up that it's completely possible you guys really did have a connection and he was interested in you as a prospective client, and that kind of balancing act between a personal and transactional relationship might not be something you are comfortable with navigating, especially if you're inexperienced in love and are lacking a support structure of friends. I think the best way to go forward if you want to get a better feel for what happened would be to go back to the bar, to get a better sense of the local culture, to get more experience for yourself being in queer spaces, and to meet new people-- it's probably also your best chance at finding a lead on your dancer, if that's something you want to pursue. I would honestly suggest trying to make friends and widen your circle as a primary goal, either at this gay bar or through meetups, as well as or instead of just chasing this possible complicated romantic lead.

[This is a followup from the asker.]Sorry for the confusion all. Oh whoah wait a minute, on reread, this wasn't even a strip club, it was a performance night featuring a strip/drag show at the local gay bar? it sounds like this guy wasn't even a professional it looks like you tipped him twice with $5 instead of making it rain bills A stripper's job isn't to take their clothes off Yes, this was not at a strip club, but at a local gay bar. They apparently have performance shows every weekend, maybe on both Fris and Sats but I would not know. Yes, I only tipped him $10 total, 5 twice. He took his clothes off during the performance, he danced on the bar counter, he has started his own exotic dance company... so I thought he was a stripper. But he is not "professional" in that it is not his sole means of support; he is also in the military. I suppose I don't really know the difference between strippers and dancers. He danced AND stripped, so is he both? If he really liked you, why didn't he give you his number? We didn't reach the point where we could exchange information. We were outside talking, a drag queen came up and said she needed to speak to him kinda importantly, he asked me if they could, I said sure. They went to a corner, and seeing as it was time to close and they were ushering people back inside and through the door, I figured I better head back in too. Then when I saw him and the drag queen walk back into the bar straight to the back area, I realized he might need some time, maybe too much time for tired me...and then that is when I wrote that note (with my phone number) to have the bartender give to him.

I have related this story to a friend, who thinks the stripper just wanted to make money off of me, but I don't think so. He was working. Of course he wanted to make money off of you. He wanted to make money off of all of the customers. Not to take advantage of you, but because it's his job. To be attractive, charming, friendly, complimentary ... all of that is his job, and he gets paid in tips. Customers who go to strip clubs agree to that social contract when they respond to attention and compliments with five-dollar bills. This happens to people in service jobs all the time -- and stripping is a service job. They are pleasant to customers and the customers mis-read the pleasantness as personal connection. I point out that that's what you're doing without judgment -- it must be easy to do since it happens so often. I went alone, knowing it would be awkward for me to do so, but I have no friends to ask. I think it's pretty great that you went alone. That's socially brave and a lot of people wouldn't, so good job. I would suggest focusing on the friends and social circle -- build that up and you won't feel as drawn to strangers who are working for tips.

I think it's great that you went out and tried to get more involved in the gay community, especially if you have always felt like a bit of an outcast. This stripper situation sounds to me like a flirty, outgoing guy got buzzed and chatted you up. I don't think you should pursue this, but you shouldn't feel bad about it either! A cute guy thought you were cute too and that's great! I think the best way to use this experience is to accept it at face value and let it built your confidence as you pursue the type of more meaningful relationship you seem to want (judging by your question). I fear that if you followed up on this kiss, it would have the opposite result and probably make you feel bitter/sad. Take it for what it is and don't overthink it.

WRT the managerial types: they exist, but they are not going to release this guy's personal information to you or any other customer for safety reasons. Most dancers work as "independent contractors" for tips only; paycheck clubs are very rare. The bartenders/managers are going to say "we have no clue" to any customer asking about the personal info of a dancer because of the risk of stalking. But this seems like an unnecessary clarification-- I wish I could fav Ursula Hitler's comment more than once. It sounds like you are lonely and isolated and looking for a connection, and a drunk/party/stripping scene does not sound like the best place to find one.

Oh whoah wait a minute, on reread, this wasn't even a strip club, it was a performance night featuring a strip/drag show at the local gay bar? Yeah, this guy was totally trying to hook up with you. The whole making out on the dance floor thing is pretty extreme ime for someone who is working, and it sounds like this guy wasn't even a professional. If he was there as part of a performance group doing a show, the bartenders were probably not lying about having no idea who he was. Also, again on a closer read, it looks like you tipped him twice with $5 instead of making it rain bills, and I feel stupid for going along with your friends and stereotyping him as a potential escort; I think anyone suggesting that this dude was only making out with you for your ten bucks is severely overestimating the greed of people who take off their clothes for a living. Again, I don't know if the high drama drinking/party scene is for you, but I'm going to say that yes, this guy was actually into you. Whether that makes it more possible to pursue him or just gives you confidence in jumping into having a bigger presence in the queer community and further dating is for you to decide. Good luck.

"The bartenders say they have no clue who the dancers are; being it a small local establishment I doubt there is a managerial type to ask." This is not true. Someone is writing a paycheck. In fact I call bullshit here. Nothing wrong of course with services so long as it's by mutual agreement, and you aren't the first person to become enamored of someone whose job it is to be attractive, but this sounds really dangerous, at least emotionally, and I think your vulnerability and lonlieness and feelings of isolation might be affecting your judgement. This is of course just my opinion. So decide on 1) and how comfortable you would be with just services before you decide to pursue 2)

this wasn't even a strip club, it was a performance night That's what jumped out at me, too. It's a big difference. The OP muddied the waters by describing the person as a "stripper," because that's a particular thing, and the details sound like this situation may have been something different. ...which illustrates what I'd take away from this question if I were you, OP. You don't feel comfortable trusting your firsthand impression of events because you were buzzed, so you're relying on friends and Internet strangers to interpret your not-optimal articulation of your buzzed memory? Not a great plan. Sometimes you have to accept uncertainty. Sometimes you won't know what happened, or why. Learn to shrug and move on to the next thing—or you risk missing the next thing because you were distracted trying to analyze the last one. http://ask.metafilter.com/268962/Strippin-for-my-money-or-me-How-do-I-find-him-now#3905218 has good advice. "I wish I could reconnect with that person who was maybe hitting on me" is something all of us have felt. Seriously: all of us have been there. On the other hand, "How can I do it? I'm gonna try" is a step further that's not always wise. You have to make the call yourself, but in doing it, try to tap some wisdom. Good luck.

Woohoo! Good luck, OP!