Logistics of breaking up and moving out?

What would really creep me out, if I were your girlfriend, is realizing that you had been planning this for a long time, while we were still interacting as a couple. This realization would make me distrust my own perceptions, in a way that would be deeply disturbing. If it were me, I would want you to move NOW, into some kind of temporary housing, rather than continue to deceive me while preparing your move.

Also yeah, I was trying not to say this in a totally heartless way, but you sound like you have zero empathy for this woman, especially framing her potential upset and heartbreak as "drama," "causing a scene," "manipulation" etc etc. I'm sorry, but most people don't just discover their relationship is single-handedly ending, nod, sadly say "ok" and go off to the grocery store to buy milk. On preview: "If you need to - do it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking she's a crazy person for flipping out about it." THIS THIS THIS.

You're missing the part where "I'll pay her my share of rent for a couple months, unless she creates drama." No. You'll pay her your share of rent for a reasonable time for her to find another roommate regardless what she does, and "crying for an hour" and no following drama whatsoever is not a fair or realistic expectation for exiting a multiple-year serious relationship this way.

If she happens to come home while we're moving, I'm predicting a lower likelihood that she'll want to create a scene if my family is there (and they'll shut her down if she tries!). It's not fair for you and your family to jointly gang up on her just because you'd like to escape "drama". Also, definitely agree with the above that your "plan" seems to be to blindside her and not give her a chance to process at all. You don't seem to be thinking of her at all, only making things as easy as possible for yourself. Also, you have to give her money for several months rent and utilities (whether you're on the lease or not), not just "unless she creates drama". You are actually planning on possibly punishing her for creating "drama" by withholding rent from her? Do you think rent is some favor from you or something?

All I know is, if you treat her understandable unhappiness as "drama", I can almost guarantee you're going to get real drama. Because no one likes having their feelings devalued or dismissed. Or to be treated like an easily-discarded, irrational idiot. It's crazymaking and manipulative - which is funny, because you're raring to characterize any misery on her part as manipulative.

Breaking up sucks, and there's going to be anger and sadness and confusion. As an adult you need to deal with it because that is how adults handle things. Sit down and use Miko's script. Explain that you'll be making plans to move, then do it. You're not allowed to slink out under cover of night (or family) just because you can't be bothered to tell the woman you've lived with and fucked for the past few years that you don't love her after all.

Also... I may be scum to you, but I would appreciate some helpful advice instead of sticking to a part of the picture to criticize my character. A person's character is defined largely by one thing, which is how he treats people who are vulnerable, who he is in a position to harm... and character mostly comes through when it would be easier, more fun, or more convenient to harm such a person. Your basic question here is: I am going to hurt someone. How can I do it without inconvenience for myself? When that's what you are asking, you are certainly going to be judged for your character. If your question is instead: How can I cause the least harm to someone else, or not hurt them, and preferably make their life better? then you might get a different response. However, you are not even close to the latter. The main aspect to avoiding harm is understanding it and empathizing with it. You hardly talk about your girlfriend as a human being. You compare her to a dog -- and the comparison is only in the context of how each thing benefits and pleases you. You dismiss her real, human feelings/pain and expression of them as "drama." You talk about your family "shutting her down" like she's a machine or a radio, or some inanimate object that creates noise. The thought of you asking her what she wants, finding out as much as possible about her feelings (rather than "shutting her down"), asking and listening until she has Nothing More To Say rather than running and sneaking off like a blindsiding coward in the night, working hard to make this transition the best thing possible for her as per her needs, hasn't even crossed your radar. Your question is basically, "How can I shut this bitch up as fast as possible so I can get out of there without any hassle to myself?" You want helpful advice? Think about what it actually means to you to have character, do those things, stop using the word "drama" in describing a human being's emotions, work really really hard to get in her shoes as a human being rather the callous way you're acting now, then decide how to treat her once you've done that.

You're being really cold and unrealistic here, so I'm going to go with that - as a roommate, you have a responsibility to pay your half of the lease going forward. That's what I would do to a roommate if I suddenly decided I couldn't live there any more; I'd pay my portion of the rent until they found a new roommate, and I wouldn't interfere with that process with all (so if they didn't find anyone, I'd pay my rent until the lease term is over.) Break up with her today, start looking for an apartment today, get out as soon as you can, but you should pay for the remainder of your portion of the lease. You're right, by the way - she'll be much better off without you.

I'm considering going ahead and finding and renting an apartment before I break up, then have family visit me and help me move and stay just a little while longer, like a half-day or a day, to validate that I'm making the right decision, and that I'm staying balanced. Meals, gas, and sleeping space provided for them. We'll move one or two days after we break up. If she happens to come home while we're moving, I'm predicting a lower likelihood that she'll want to create a scene if my family is there (and they'll shut her down if she tries!). I'll also pay her my share of the rent for a couple months following, unless she creates drama. Is this a solid plan? Is this insensitive? Am I missing any special considerations? Holy crap, this is some fucked up shit. You're not going to discuss this with her at all? You need your family there to protect you from her being upset? You sound terrified of her, and you sound incredibly self-centered. This is not how grown-ups end a relationship unless you feel a need to get out quickly for safety reasons. You haven't said she abuses you, so gland up and let her know you're ending things and moving out, and deal with the possible reactions. And pay your rent for at least two months, regardless of whether she behaves the way you want her to. She's allowed to be upset.