Finding a good dentist, setting aside a recent bad experience: how do?

You can find a more conservative dentist. I have had this problem although not to the extent you have. I also don't have dental anexity. I have two thoughts: 1. In my experience cheaper dentist are more conservative. I don't know how broadly this applies, but it is what I have found. They are less flashy and more old school. I have in the past specifically called to ask about prices for certain procedures. Most told me without any problem. The one that refused and wanted me to book an appointment to talk about treatment options was crossed off of my list. 2. Try to speak with the dentists directly before making an appointment. Ask them about their philosophy. Specifically ask if they prefer to "wait and see" or to act quickly to fix problems. And on preview, everything deludingmyself said.

One trick I've found is to check out the posters they have in the lobbies and exam rooms. If it's posters from dental technology companies (especially if they're focused on cosmetic improvements like veneers and teeth whitening), keep looking. If they're corny platitudes about dental hygiene (one favorite: "You don't have to floss all your teeth--just the ones you want to keep"), it's probably a more conservative dentist.

A lot can probably be learned from a dentist's waiting room. A dentist I was not happy with had large flat screen monitors (in 2007) showing ads (with sound) for cosmetic things they could do. I later learned that they had a policy that they wouldn't consider non-white porcelain crowns, despite for instance gold/metal ones being stronger (and for a molar, I care about strength/durability, not pretty-ness). My current dentists (wife and husband practice) have cp24 playing in the waiting room and one explicitly said to me, "I try to do as little as possible, because dental work often needs more dental work later in life and it can't be undone." Luckily, we were seeing them because of geography instead of first looking for the philosophy. Now if I were looking for a dentist, I'd try to ask about their philosphy. I might even go so far as to say, "I'm looking for a dentist who's method is to try and do as little as possible; does Dr. $NEWBIE fit this?" However reception might say anything to get you in the door. As I'm not in your area of Canada I know no one to recommend to you.

A couple of things I haven't seen mentioned by anyone else.... Ask people you know. At least one person in your circle of acquaintances probably deals with serious dental anxiety, and if they have a dentist they like, that person would be someone I'd call. That's how I found my first dentist as an adult, and I'm forever grateful to the friend who made that recommendation. As an alternative to sedation (sort of), I find I can't do dentistry without TV in the ceiling. I don't know how common that is in Canada; it's not super-common in my part of the US. But it's really great for distracting me from the whole dental experience without going all the way to sedation.

Checking in to close off this thread: I did some research and called around as suggested and today I had a very positive visit with Dr Naidoo at http://www.bowvalleydental.ca/dentists.htm. He was very careful and considerate of my concerns and it looks like I have two or three teeth that could use work now, and one or two others to keep an eye on. It seems that my previous dentist was inclined to undertreat, probably partly because he had watched me grow up and have a lot of heavy-duty work done, while the first dentist I saw in Canada was needlessly aggressive. Many thanks to all for the advice - onwards and upwards :)

Seconding that other dentists will probably not be so aggressive. In my and my husband's experience, we've found that some dentists are all about maximizing treatments, presumably for the money. I had one, as he was replacing one filling in a procedure where the anesthetic never kicked in (ugh), tell me that I had two more that needed replacing. I paid the bill and didn't return to a dentist for five years, due to not wanting to deal with possibly not having the anesthetic fail again*. When I eventually went back to a different dentist, he said the fillings were fine, and I still have them, now ten years from the point where I was told they'd have to be replaced. I am now wondering how much money my parents and I wasted over the decades at that previous dentist on unnecessary dental procedures. Same with my husband-when he went to get his wisdom teeth out, the dentist got him into the chair for the procedure, looked in, and said "I can't do this. You have curved roots. You need a specialist, and here's the number of one." My husband thought that sounded fishy and never called. He was fine for fifteen years, until last year, when he chipped one of them and went ahead and had it pulled. The roots were not curved, and our dentist thinks the previous one was trying to drum up business for his friend. * Because that idea may make you anxious, I'll explain more: turns out that at some point in my cycle, I respond differently to anesthetics. I would now go back, but pay attention to *when* I scheduled the appointment, to make sure I'm in a painkillers-work phase.

I'll just come out and say it: some dentists are scammers. Google around on it a bit. I went to a place here in Austin many years ago, they had all kinds of expensive imaging equipment. I chipped a front tooth back in college, and every 10 years or so it seems to need replacing. So I went in for that, they gave me the gas, fixed the chip and also looked around ... And literally before I had recovered from the NO2, I was ushered out of the chair and into some person's office, where I was told I needed over $9000 of dental work. They calculated that my insurance would cover about 1/3rd, and they could offer convenient financing for the remaining $6000+. They were literally pushing a contract and a pen at me while I was still blinking at the bright office lights and unfogging from the nitrous. I got the hell out of there. And they continued to call me every couple of months for the next four years, asking when I could come in and sign the contract and get started on the work I "needed". It took me like 4 years to go to the dentist again. A different one, this time. I got my teeth cleaned, got x-rays, the dentist looks me over, and he's like "oh, you've got good teeth!" I told him about my previous visit to the dentist and he got a sour look on his face, and he wouldn't go so far as to slander a brother dentist, but it was pretty clear that he didn't have much respect for the way some dentists do business. I've been seeing him for over 10 years now - he's one of the good ones. Anyhow, if there's a moral to this story, it's that when a dentist tells you you need lots of expensive dental work, get a second opinion.

Also if the cleaning is one of your triggers, ask the receptionist for their gentlest hygienist. My dentist has a kind of fancy waiting room, but my husband is actually willing to go see 'his' hygienist so we keep going there since his experiences have been good.

These days, sometimes dentists have reviews online. Try looking for some? I actually found my awesome dentist that way.