I need suggestions for fitness programs to build upper-body strength

If you need general-purpose strength for something like paddling, you should be lifting weights. The best way to start for you is to buy the Starting Strength book (the best option) or download StrongLifts 5x5, and do that. Neither unning, nor cardio, nor sports are going to build the same kind of strength that progressive resistance training does. (A 12-minute mile does raise flags, though. What, um, causes that? Are you running regularly several times a week? Have you tried increasing your speed?) A note on your CrossFit experience: there is no reason to care that you're the worst person in the class. You're not there to be the best in the class. You're there to make yourself better than you were on your first day. All the things you mention—switching to a sumo deadlift, getting corrective attention from the instructor, being told to watch while other people do the movement—are totally normal and okay. It took me months of lifting to figure out the deadlift, and years to have a good squat, and I'm an athlete! It's okay. Consider going back, because I think coaching with barbells is what you need.

No one cares if you are the worst in the class - this is not middle school! Don't worry about it. While the instructor was helping you, the other people in the class were either learning something from what the instructor was saying, or simply continuing with their own workouts. People in any gym are not going to look at you and mock, they are usually totally absorbed in their own workouts (or their phones). If you got something from the cross fit workout, go back for more.

Like you, I also have long legs and a short torso and it took me a while to squat and deadlift, but I think it was worth it. Part of the problem was that I was really inflexible in key areas, and part of the problem was technique. Getting a personal trainer for just a few sessions (i.e., 3-5, not long-term) could really help here. I saw a trainer after I'd been trying to teach myself the basic lifts for a while, and he basically completely fixed my deadlift and also really improved my squat in a very short period of time, plus was able to give me accessory exercises and stretches. Also, I have no strong feelings pro or con Crossfit (I have heard that there's high variance in quality of instructors, but you know, where isn't that true). But I do also think that you are getting into your own head about this Crossfit session and may be experiencing it in a sort of distorted way. I think I may know how you feel because I've felt similarly in the past (something about group exercise still dredges up all kinds of terrible phys ed memories). But using a modification is definitely not a sign of weakness, all kinds of bodies can benefit from weightlifting and conditioning, and being the worst Crossfitter [or whatever] in the room or even the world is actually totally fine as long as you feel that doing Crossfit [or whatever] is helping you make progress with your goals. It can even be kind of liberating to relish being the person who is the worst at something and just keeps showing up regardless. Anyway, not to say oh yeah, you should definitely go back -- pick something that appeals to you and that you think will be helpful. But even if you were really the absolute worst ever to show up to that class (which I doubt), I think you could weather that, and even turn it into a point of pride if you were to keep with it.

You might have better luck working one-on-one with a personal trainer for a few sessions. I know you said you can't really afford it but a lot of gyms offer you a free session (followed by a hard sell, admittedly). If there is a YMCA near you that is another option for less expensive stuff. Also this: "He said the problem was that I have long legs and a short torso. So I don't have the right kind of body for Crossfit" is just needlessly obnoxious bullshit. there is no "right" or "wrong" body for fitness. he's just a shitty teacher who is not smart enough or experienced enough to keep a beginner's class moving while also spending time with a student who needs additional help. Since you mentioned liking yoga I would suggest you find a class at a studio that does only yoga; they are more likely to have not only super beginners classes but also classes for people with disabilities, or smaller class sizes at off-peak times of day, etc. Before I got more comfortable with the class structure at my yoga place I always sat right up front so I could hear as much as possible, and I took some private sessions to get a better handle on things where I could stop and ask as many questions as I wanted without the pressure of doing it in front of a dozen strangers. It's also totally okay to stop in the middle of class and just watch the instructor's examples before trying anything yourself. Again, a good teacher at any discipline will be able to accommodate students with both visible and invisible disabilities. IME with yoga it is the studios that are the most hippy-ish that are the most willing and able. I take yoga at an actual ashram and the classes are incredibly diverse and the instructors would never, ever tell anyone that they have the wrong body for anything. Finally, you didn't embarrass yourself. A jerk embarrassed you because he's a bad teacher.

You haven't mentioned bodyweight exercises. They work. Pushups, planks, flutter kicks... Do them! http://www.reddit.com/r/fitness has some great tutorials/plans. Swimming is also pretty good if you have access to a pool/can get around in the water/feel comfortable without hearing aids if that's a thing for you. Personal training may be too expensive but if you have an avid gym going friend or teammate they might be able to help you with free weight form? Because weights are great and it makes me sad that the group setting at Crossfit was so anxiety-provoking. Memail me if you are near Philly and want a non-judgmental gym buddy who can show you about free weights and who is also hearing impaired so I get it about Pilates.

Do you think you would like indoor rock climbing? Lots of full-body/core/upper/leg strength work there, and it's mentally engaging, and if you learn some basics and find a gym with auto-belays, you can more or less do it alone and there doesn't need to be a lot of verbal back-and-forth with other people. You'll sometimes find the macho competitive types, but overall everyone tends to be pretty focused on their own progress or/and helpful and encouraging of yours.

"Today I went to an on-ramp class for beginners at a new gym, and I did horribly. I'm soo angry with myself. Struggled with the most basic techniques, like remembering how to hold a barbell. I could barely even lift the barbell without weights. And no matter how many times the instructor AND other members of the class tried to explain it to me, I could not get my back in the right position to do the deadlift." I'm going to give you the advice that finally got me to stick with an exercise routine despite feeling EXACTLY the same way you did. Learn to be ok with sucking. Accept that for a long while, you may be the worst person in the class. I've been taking boxing classes for 18 months and I'm STILL using modifications for some of the exercises I do 3-4 time a week. Some of these are because of the way my body works, the weight that I carry, my age combined with many years of sedentary behaviour before I started working out. Another thing I'm going to mention about a lot of "beginner" classes at gyms. A lot of the people who take them are only beginners at that particular type of activity. I regularly encounter newbies at my gym who are better than me after just a handful of classes -- because they've been working out / running / triathloning etc for years or even decades. But you know what? After sticking with it despite the regular feeling that I'm horrible at it, I've learned the only way to win is to constantly compete with myself only. So what if 90% of the other people at my gym can do 100 burpees without breaking a sweat -- I didn't used to be able to do it at all, and now I can.

Swimming might be a great one for you to do alongside some strength training.

If it makes you feel better, I can only run a 15 minute mile. But hey, that's better than running no miles at all! I think your Crossfit experience is abnormal- I have taken about 5 beginner CF classes and in EVERY class, there is somebody who can't do the strength skill without modification. Also, color me shocked they are having first-timers squat and deadlift with barbells. My beginner classes have used nothing, or occasionally a light kettle bell. What I'm saying is, I think you went to a Crossfit location that is poorly run for beginners. They're not all like that. Try another. I agree with the people above that what you need is weightlifting to build upper body strength. You could lift on your own at the gym but i think you will have a more positive experience with an instructor, and classes are cheaper than personal training.