How to not get homesick at sleepaway camp?

Should we send a kid who gets night terrors to summer camp?

  • The Area Family is already discussing our summer plans and we would like to send the oldest kid, the 9-year-old boy, to an overnight summer camp (aka sleepaway camp.) However, he gets night terrors sometimes, and we worry about how that would work at camp. Does anyone have advice on whether to send him to camp or how to do it? I'd particularly welcome insight from those who worked at camps or those who know campers in a similar situation. (We are also going to talk to the pediatrician about this soon.) We both loved going to camp as kids (language immersion camps, YMCA camps, and even church camps for my wife) and we think our son will as well. He did a local YMCA day camp this summer and really enjoyed the experience. However, getting less sleep and having a disrupted sleep schedule are serious triggers for him to have night terrors. He probably would have a different schedule at camp and kids will often stay up late talking in their cabins (I know I did). So, we think he might well have a night terror at camp. When he does have a night terror, he tends to get out of bed and come in our room while crying and whimpering inconsolably. You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to. This is really disturbing even for us (I'm having trouble conveying what happens, but he seems possessed), and I'm concerned it would be a lot to put a counselor and a cabin of kids through. Also, the sleepwalking aspect of the night terror has us worried. Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep?

  • Answer:

    My sister-in-law has night terrors (still!) and camp was fine as a kid. As long as the camp gives a thumbs up and the counselors know in advance and know how to handle it, it's not a big deal. I don't know if when she was 9, but when she was in junior high she told her cabin-mates and usually one of them would go get a counselor when she started having one, but the other girls weren't really bothered by it. "Oh, she just has night terrors, you can't wake her up, you just have to make sure she doesn't fall out of the bed or go sleepwalking." They'd use it as an excuse to get out of some activity they didn't want to do later that day ... "Well, SIL had a night terror so we're all REALLY TIRED and we should really go back to the cabin and rest rather than doing dishes ..." In high school at camp or on trips, her bunk mates would basically just handle it themselves and not even bother with an adult unless they came to check on the noise. Also, I have a 5yo with night terrors (I know exactly what you mean about seeming possessed), and I gotta tell you, OTHER PEOPLE'S kids having night terrors is way less upsetting. When I watch my friend's kid and she has a night terror, I'm just like, "Oh, poor baby ... well, all right, we'll just wait it out." With my own kid I'm like, "HE'S SUFFERING! What if it's a seizure? Why can't I make this better???? I'm sure it's just night terrors, it's fine. Should I call the nurse line? No, it's fine. ARGH this is awful!" Which is to say his counselors, forewarned and forearmed, may not find the experience nearly as distressing as you do!

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I attended and worked at a camp for many years, into my early 30s. I would say the camp's ability to handle it depends on the camp, and that you should 1) feel really good about the camp overall and 2) ask them about their specific nighttime "duty" practices and to have them walk through what would happen if your kid had night terrors. At my camp after lights out at night, we had one counselor on duty sitting just outside each group of cabins. This was between 9:30 and midnight every single night, and the kids all knew if they had problems (homesickness, wet the bed, night terrors), the duty counselor would be on it. The duty counselor was seated within earshot of the cabins, and no one entered or left cabins without being seen. At the beginning of each summer, the staff was briefed on every camper who had a special issue to watch for, such as Jenny always needs to leave soccer early for insulin, or Anne has night terrors and you do xyz when it happens. I think my advice above is especially important since your son might be at a boys-only camp with boys for counselors. Teenage boys, who I presume would be his counselors, are not in my experience as likely as teenage girls to be the right mix of comforting and soothing and authoritative in the middle of the night with a needy camper. But it comes down to individual personality as well as processes in place. I myself am not great with homesick little girls, and I'm a woman. I always preferred the teenagers with the boyfriend problems, the dysfunctional families, and the pregnancy scares. :)

ImproviseOrDie

I had night terrors as a kid. I went to sleepovers and sleepaway camps, and sometimes had night terrors in "away" situations. I knew not to get out of bed to seek comfort from anyone, but just to deal with it on my own until it passed. It always passed after a few minutes. If he goes to your room every single time, he's probably aware of where he's headed, not truly sleepwalking? If you ask him afterward, like immediately after it passes or the next morning, does he remember going to your room on purpose, or does he not remember how he got there? If he is conscious of it, you might be able to have him practice staying in bed to wait out any night terrors that happen between now and camp. I recommend counting. It's hard to count when you feel frozen with terror, but it gives you something to focus on, and I could rarely even get to 10 before the terror would pass.

Bentobox Humperdinck

Sleepaway camp is an amazing childhood experience for most kids who, like your son, have generally really enjoyed their various day camp experiences. There are so very many lifelong benefits your son will gain from it. In fact, we're sending our (will be) 7.75-year-old son to sleepaway camp this August, so I say go for it. Maybe he'd try to walk out of the cabin in his sleep? I hear you, but that sounds like catastrophizing. If, as you say, "You can't really do much with him until the episode passes and he doesn't respond when spoken to" then in a way that frees you from the worry about a counselor, say, Handling Him Wrong because nothing can be done except waiting it out and making sure he does not sleepwalk into harm's way (and by the way, has he ever actually done that?) It's disturbing for you, sure, but it might not disturb a counselor who is prepared to handle the issue because you have discussed it with the camp people, and instructed them about what they should do in the event he has a night terror. The other kids could sleep right through it. All the fresh air and physical activity all day long will definitely wear them out. Look, lots of kids have various health challenges, quirks, and issues -- it would be sad if only the so-called perfectly healthy ones were allowed to go to camp.

hush

Not truly an answer to your question (sorry) but have you considered family camp? Kids get a real camp experience but with the parents there, involved as much as they want to be. I did family camp at Wildwood (Audubon in NH) and had a terrific time. It's a regular camp except a few days at the beginning and end of summer and the staff was outstanding. He could be off on his own during the day, in a cabin at night with a parent.

beccaj

Well, you know your kid the best, but IMO this merits a call to a few of the camps you'd consider sending him to. You might find out that they're poorly equipped to handle this, or you might learn that they regularly host children with night terrors and similar issues. FWIW, I think your concerns are totally valid, but it would probably be most useful to get some perspective on how unusual this is among kids at camp.

schroedingersgirl

My brother had night terrors and went to summer camp and it was fine. As a former camp counsellor, I can attest they are well trained to deal with this sort of thing. honestly, it's the tip of the iceberg of weird kid behaviour you see at camp. A good counsellor will be able to handle the other kids reactions to it, if any - a huge part of the job is managing group dynamics. Call a few camps and talk to them. Maybe pick a camp with cabins rather than tents...

jrobin276

Something to consider is that it may all be safe and workable with the staff, but it could very much get him ostracized from the boys in his cabin and possibly by the kids at camp. Kids at that age aren't always kind and empathetic and even in the best camps there's a "Lord of the Flies" element. While I think it could possibly be fine, if he did manage to have an episode and jerky kids witness it, he could have a very, very hard time at camp.

kinetic

Nthing giving some camps a call to discuss the issue with them and how they are likely to handle it. I'm a former camp counselor, and the better-equipped camps will certainly have dealt with these sorts of issues and much, much more. If they're the kid of place you want to send your kid to, they'll have well-reasoned practices for handling this.

craven_morhead

In my experience, 9 yr olds are still afraid of the dark woods, getting homesick, wetting the bed, and whatnot. A well run camp is certainly *not* Lord of the flies! Every kid has something he could be teased about and a good counsellor will manage this. Ask what kind of training and debriefing counsellors get, and talk to the camp director. The best camp I worked for was a Girl Scout camp, so alas, no help there. Expensive isn't always better. The YMCA camp I went to was also pretty great. You could also ask how they decide who goes in what cabin, or maybe go with a camp that is sorta themed. The Girl Scout Camp had a few cabins doing horses, a few doing wilderness, a few doing art, etc.

jrobin276

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