Should I give my friend a letter of recommendation for my old dream job?

• Last year, I worked my dream job as the Director of a small museum and cultural center, and was forced to leave because my husband's job took us to another city. A friend of mine has expressed an enthusiastic interest in the job, but does not have any museum training, or any background in managing or running any type of business or institution whatsoever. He wants me to write a letter of recommendation. Should I? I served as the Director of a small museum in northern Nevada last year. It turned out to be my dream job, not just because of the excellent work environment, but it was the ultimate culmination of about sixteen years of working towards a goal like that. It took a lot of formal, higher education, training, and hands-on experience that you just can't get any other way. The work is extremely challenging, detail-oriented, difficult, and supremely rewarding. I was forced to leave that job. My husband had been unemployed for several months and finally was hired on with a new company in another city with a fantastic package, full benefits for him and myself, and a handsome paycheck that was much bigger than mine. We couldn't live on what I was making alone, so we decided to go ahead and make the move. I was so determined to hold onto that job, though. I actually flew every single week back and forth between the old city and our new one. After a couple of months, I was completely exhausted from travel and the frustration of never really being home in either city. I made the hardest decision- to resign. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. The museum's Board of Trustees and the staff of volunteers took it very hard, too. They really liked me and my work, and we had all felt like I was making a genuine difference there. Fast forward to the present, and the museum is looking for my replacement. A friend of mine is very interested in doing the job. In a lot of ways, I think that he would be a good fit. He's outgoing, intelligent, and has a vast network of people and resources that could have a big impact (especially financially) on a small, struggling local institution. However, he completely lacks the professional and educational background that I have. It was largely because of this background that I was hired on in the first place. I also have a great network, but it's not even close to what my friend has. I gave him a great deal of assistance toward getting this job. I provided him with all of my application materials, my resume, curriculum vitae, and exit interview materials, all of which would give him a distinct advantage over other candidates vying for the same position. I've also spent a lot of time talking with him and answering his questions about what they will ask in the interview, what are some areas they will want expertise in, what some of the ongoing issues are at the museum, and so on. I've been like his personal Cliffs Notes for getting this job! In the past week, though, he's been pestering me for more information, requests to go over his application materials, critiques of these materials, etc. He listed me as a reference without asking me. In addition to everything I have already done for him, he now wants me to write him a letter of recommendation. I admit, of course, that I have some mixed feelings about this. It was a job I dearly loved, and I do want to see it go to the right person. If my friend had an educational or professional background like mine, I would absolutely feel inclined to write that letter for him. However, the fact that he totally lacks any background in any of these areas makes me wonder, that he might not be the best candidate. That I am the outgoing Director at present certainly would give a letter of recommendation tremendous weight, especially given the rapport I had with the Board of Trustees. The thing that makes it a bit yucky is that it's a personal friend, someone who has been very good to me. I don't know if he'd be upset with me or not if I didn't write the letter. I have given so much time and effort to help him get this job already. And yes, it is hard to see my old dream job go to someone who might not have the same appreciation for what it takes to work in that world. In no way whatsoever is it a run-of-the-mill office job! Extra details: * He does have other letters of recommendation in his application packet already * He has a hefty record of unemployment/being fired from previous jobs * He has caught the attention of one of the Board of Trustees members who has a lot of clout with the museum and other board members, and she already seems ready to hire him Am I being a complete ass for hesitating to write him such a letter? Should I let him down on this one? Or do I write the letter anyway, knowing that my influence will put him at a distinct advantage over others who might be more qualified?

• Answer:

  No, don't write this letter. You can easily get out of this on "I'm sorry, I've done all I can for you here, good luck." If you want to be really nice I would maybe be willing to send a quick note to someone there saying he's a friend and asking to make sure to review his application materials and not just immediately garbage bin him (which is pretty standard for professional referrals), but it sounds like you've never even worked with this person in a professional capacity, so forgetting anything else you're not even theoretically in a good position to write him this letter (I would actually make that clear when I referred him too, "I've never worked with him professionally, but he is outgoing, intelligent, and have a vast network of people and resources [etc. etc.]".). For nothing else, if you write this letter and he does not succeed in this role, that will reflect very poorly on you and your judgment, and will sour the opinions of you that your board/colleagues there currently have. Don't put yourself in that position.