How to Give References when Potentially Changing Jobs

Supervisor here: my staff must trust me, because they ask for references all the goddamn time.

The typical thing is to give them the name of someone outside your job -- a professor, or someone you did an internship or something with, along with your supervisor's name. You tell them that your supervisor is not aware you are considering other opportunities, so please only contact them to confirm their decision. Some people will be respectful of this, and some will not. You have to kind of suss out your boss -- is it better to let them know, even if they might never be contacted (you can say something like "I went for an interview as a favor to someone, I'm not looking to leave any time soon") or not tell them and risk them being blindsided by the request? I'd say the majority of bosses are actually cooler with this than you might think -- no one expects you to keep your job forever these days -- but be aware that it may impact, if only subconsciously, their decisions about promotions/raises/added responsibilities, etc.

Potential Employer HR Dept. will understand that you don't want references at Current Employer contacted casually. They are likely to want a reference before making an offer. Most companies get lots of requests for employment verification, which can be from a potential employer, or from a creditor, so not a big deal. So, write it up as References: Joe Blow Director, Quality Assurance MegaCorp, Inc. [email protected] (201)555-1234 Mr. Blow was my supervisor when I was at MegaCorp, Inc. Wilma Flintstone CEO, Flintstone Analytics [email protected] (201)666-3456 Ms. Flintstone was my supervisor at XYZCorp., prior to starting her own company. My current employer is United GeoSystems. Please contact me if you need a reference from them.

Here's how this went for me, once, 15 years ago, with a (in retrospect) jerko supervisor: "Hey, I had the opportunity come up to interview for another job..." (Interrupting) "Well, I hope you get it for your sake. Because we can't keep you around, knowing that. We're going to have to let you go." Then I didn't get the new job either, and was out of work for a couple of months. So, I'm glad to see some stories here that didn't end like that! Good luck!

Update: I decided to use a co-worker who has left the company, a grad school professor, and someone in the industry I know. Reader, they hired me.

I would NOT ask your supervisor to be your reference and not any current co-worker unless you have complete trust in them. If you have a colleague you trust then that is appropriate. Your supervisor will likely assume you are interested in leaving given you went on multiple interviews even if you say that isn't the case. Regarding references, I typically add a former co-worker from a past job and let them know to expect the call. I also fully prep them on the job and things they might be looking for. I understand this is your first real job so that's tricky. I will also often add a friend that is perhaps in the professional field that I am applying to be in. They can speak to your ability and character. Then, I add a lifelong friend. Most companies only call one or two references maximum, but if they are extremely thorough and going through an agency they might call them all. Even when working in politics, the campaign only called two of my references. Best of luck!

My husband didn't want his current employer to know he was looking. For references he used: 1) a friend who was a current co-worker. They'd been friends since college, and my husband also trusted this friend not to accidentally slip up and mention that he was looking to their boss. 2) a friend who he'd worked for in a volunteer capacity for a local convention, doing much the same work he does in a professional capacity (writing code) so that this friend could say "yes, he did what he was asked to do, it worked, and he was easy to work with." 3) he doesn't remember if he listed this friend or not, but he did ask this friend to stand as reference: a friend who did the same sort of work, who comes across as "normal" as possible and not as weirdly geeky as some of our friends. Apparently it worked: he got the job.

If you do any external work - customers, partnerships - you could ask someone you've "worked with" in that capacity who you have formed a personal relationship with (of course asking them to keep it confidential). You could ask your grad school colleagues or an advisor, or someone from your past internships. If you must ask someone at your company, I'd ask someone who is a peer, not above you, and someone who you regularly grab beers with. Someone you really trust to be discrete, and ask them to keep it quiet. People understand.

Thanks for all the feedback so far! Just to clarify, because I see this was a little ambiguous, I absolutely am leaving if I get this particular job, it's just that I'm not otherwise looking for a new job in general.