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Do girls actually use Omegle?

my boyfriend likes to text other girls and I don't like that

  • WALL OF TEXT INSIDE. My boyfriend is perfect and wonderful and amazing except we have some terrible trust and commitment issues. Cycle(s) of emotional cheating and suspicious forgiveness. I don't know if it's too late to fix or even how to proceed in that direction if it's not. Help. I have been with my partner for over a year. I love being with him. He makes me happy, we are typically out doing awesome stuff together, we have an amazing sex life, and we have a lot of fun. That being said, we also have serious trust and commitment issues. We started talking while in relationships with other people and this is the time when I should have gotten on ask.metafilter and asked my question. Our talking quickly became more and more flirtatious and increasingly intimate, culminating in the loss of both of our prior relationships. I think in the beginning he kept seeing me primarily out of convenience but I was seriously.into.him. Regardless, we kept spending time together. During the first couple of months we didn't have a good handle on our situation and weren't sure whether it was serious or not. Unbeknownst to me he had kept up a Tindr account on which he would match up with and flirt with girls. Fine, he came out eventually after feeling guilty me not wanting secrets. I got it, we hadn't really defined the terms of our relationship, but it still really hurt. I forgave him, we made up, and moved on, awesome and happy by all accounts. Fast forward a month and I come to find out that he is now engaged in flirty dialogues with our mutual coworker. He is receiving mysterious muffins and notes in the middle of the night from another girl. Not to mention all the additional casual, "I'm bored and horny so I'm going to secretly text yet more different girls". Each conversation we have is accompanied by tears, apologies, promises to never do it again, etc...and we always make up. At this point I'm starting to feel like this is my fault. Obviously it's not, but I did (and really still do) feel like I'm not good enough, or attractive enough, or interesting enough. A lot of the time it felt like it didn't matter who I was, just that I was around. I think I often would shift the blame to the other girls, like it was their fault, not my boyfriend's. This keeps happening. We've been together a year and there hasn't been a month in which there wasn't someone else. I know. But obviously I fucking don't because we're still together. And things have been seeming to get better! It's less and less of a problem! I'm not as worried because it's all we talk about and how to fix things! We're making future plans! I'm in love! ...and then it happens. He goes into full on world-ending panic attack mode. Obviously I'm worried and want to do anything to make him feel better. Turns out, more secrets. He buys me flowers, does all this wonderful stuff for me to come home to after work, and then goes home to cybersex on Omegle. I think that hurt more then any of the other times because it wasn't someone specific. Seriously, try to imagine how I felt when it hit me that it didn't matter who it was, just that it wasn't me. It really sucks, especially since you would never know any of this was going on based on our day-to-day interactions. I want to reiterate that this is someone I love and care for a great deal. I know he loves me and cares as well. I get that DTMFA but we want to try and work things out. I don't know if we can (hello readers!) but we want to try. He is now going to therapy for relationship issues and attending a 12-step program to stop or curb masturbation and porn use. Personally that does not align with my views on sex/masturbation but he wants to stop so I'll support it. Meanwhile I'm in a constant state of anxiety and panic and confusion. I need perspective. I don't know if I can be in a relationship with him after being continually being betrayed so many times. I also don't know if I can't. Ask.mefi, I love this guy. I need you to give me some honest feedback. Please. Also, he knows about this thread so any comments or help from him would be appreciated as well. Tldr? I need perspective on my relationship. He likes to text other girls and I don't like that. Throwaway email: [email protected]

  • Answer:

    I am reading this mindfulness book that has been fifty/fifty with good stuff and nonsensical blah blah blah. And something I read today struck me and might mean something to you: he never chooses you. He gets caught, he chooses to try to "fix" things. He gets guilty, he chooses to try to "heal" himself. But he never chooses you. You aren't his choice. You are his conscience. And you absolutely deserve someone who chooses you, full-stop, no bullshit.

anonymous at Ask.Metafilter.Com Visit the source

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I dated this guy, too! He's a total liar!! Every time he is in an anxiety tailspin? Yep. Some weird lie or scam he's been perpetrating is about to get caught out. In fact, he's positively addicted to the high's and extreme anxiety of perpetrating lies, and then getting caught, or almost getting caught. You are not his girlfriend. You are his audience, and occasionally, his self-flagellator that he uses to punish himself. When feeling sufficiently punished, the lure of his next high/lie will be too great and the pattern starts again. DTMFA. You may love him, but he is incapable of loving you. You deserve better.

jbenben

This guy is not that into you.

Sara C.

Nothing about this sounds like the foundation for a mature, long-term relationship. #understatement You need to show him, and yourself, that it's not okay to be with someone who keeps lying to you. Show him the door. It'll suck, but seriously, stop letting this guy walk all over you.

the_blizz

My boyfriend is perfect and wonderful and amazing No, based on your description, he's pretty fucking far from all of those things. I've known too many women who for whatever reason stay in just absolutely horrible relationships - which, from the outside, yours sounds like - because of some deathly fear of being single. As though the thought of being single is somehow worse than dealing with a guy who constantly flirts with other women, and (unless you're unbelievably naive) will ultimately end up fucking at least one of them too. Move on. It's not your job to 'fix' him. You deserve to be with someone who has no interest in texting other women in a way that is 'more than friends' because he's just totally into you. If you have to be single for a while until you meet who that person is, then you be single. It's not world-shattering to not have a boyfriend for a while - you will survive.

modernnomad

Do not make future plans with this person who breaks your trust once a month--unless that's the future you envision for yourself. You sound like you haven't known good love. Good love doesn't break your heart at sadly predictable intervals. This is not love. This is not what love feels like. This is not how someone who loves you behaves.

ImproviseOrDie

You're going to look back on this one day and be really happy it's over. How soon that happens (and how much pain happens between now and then) is up to you.

yogalemon

Your framing of this is all wrong. My boyfriend is perfect and wonderful and amazing except we have some terrible trust and commitment issues. First off, your boyfriend is not perfect. Nobody is. You don't have any trust issues. You appear to be a perfectly trusting person who's with someone who is having relationships with other people, and that works for him. I was with a guy who did the same thing. In his head it made sense and he knew he loved me. He texted other women and sometimes met them and it didn't bother him. He was 100% able to successfully compartmentalize all of this in his head. He had no intention of leaving me; he just liked having these other people in his life. He knew it bothered me but he knew he loved me and I may have been angry, but I had no reason to be. Like you, I had to decide if I was okay with that. I wasn't, and even if he was carrying on these other flirtations with every intention of staying with me forever (which was how he expressed it), I had to think really long and hard about it and I recognized that I didn't care what it said about me, I didn't like it. What I mean is, I had to be okay with the decision that he even if he was the best guy in the world, I had every right to pull the plug because I FELT LIKE IT. I was allowed to break up with him for any reason (or even no reason) if I wanted, and that didn't make me a bad or thoughtless person. I gave myself permission to stop overthinking about his love and his actions and my feelings and my anxiety and ALL THE SWIRLING 24/7 ARGH FEELINGS and just end it. Once I was okay with that, it was a lot easier to break up with him. Yeah, of course you should break up with him.

kinetic

I'd bet the farm that after he sees these responses he'll cry and say he'll change and he really does want you and not the other women. Beware.

Specklet

Like many others here, I also dated a version of your boyfriend -- circa 1997. He was a charismatic, constant attention-seeking extrovert who flirted with everything that walked, was highly emotional and seemed oh so very sensitive and feministy; was prone to these wacky displays of kitschy, poetic-ish (barf) romance that were calculated to woo me back after he hooked up with yet another one of my false friends (again!), and was ALL about the DRAMZ. I cringe thinking back on what a sucker I was. Four years of my precious 20s wasted on his broke ass. He's married and has an infant son now, but is still putting it out there. Right after his kid was born he emailed me and said I was the love of his life. Delete! Wonder how many other women he sent that same exact email to? I feel sorry for his wife. But I digress. Learn from my experience pretty please, OP? Get out now.

hush

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