In your opinion what is the best way to discipline your kids?

In fact there are few useful answers from experts in this "Quora" itself under the heading of Spanking etc., But what I found in these answers is that the moment you open the subject "spanking" every one look at as "Physical Abuse". The word "abuse" requires true analysis whenever we use that word in connection with either parent or child.  At times when the child is growing you need to raise your hand... only when they know that .. if they have not behaved that hand will fall on them... and this formula of raised hand falls if... is only can be understood only when he ( child ) tasted the fallen hand and its speed.  He also knows the different varieties of "falling hand" and different places the hand chose to fall.  It works like a deterrent and without using the deterrent you can not engage the child in discussion or trying to be respectable etc., The world is changing, parents are changing and the children are observing lots of children in their class rooms right from KG itself.  As a parent you can not expect that all 35 children in class room are enjoying the same kind of love and respect.  I would also like to defer from the word "respect" - when the child do not know the meaning of respect, we can not follow on that... If we start talking to him or try to reason with him or be truthful with him - he should initially in a situation to listen to us.  Bring him the level playing ground then you do whatever we want. And only hand can do that.  The "Belt"  is deterrent and stick is a deterrent.  A deterrent - while age increased - changes its shape, color, and capacity and capability to hit.  A an administrator of a school with over 30 years experience of managing that institute in Hyderabad has recently informed me that he has found 4 crucial ways of handling a child - according to their age: Upto 4 years                     Stage I                   Slap Management   4years to 10 years             Stage II                  Reward Management   10 years to 15 years           Stage III                 “Responsible” Management   15 years to 18 years           Stage IV                 “Individual” Management Here he mentioned it as "slap" method - not "spanking" - "slap" comes from the hand... so when you raise your hand - it works. When he was explaining reward method, he said that -- No single rule will work for all children in the same way... even when you being a parent of 3 children - you need to work out different methods for each child.., that too - without the knowledge of each child.  Reward method do have its shortcomings as the child may demand some thing in the middle of the party of when you are busy with guests. The responsible method and individual methods are compare to other two are working wonders.  The administrator of the school included me to make a real time analysis of the situation and to find out the results of these four stage rules. I found that US Department of Education in their web site has got few pdf files on child management, and they are very useful. I suggest first search Quora and you will find experts and read their other answers and then visit USDE website and download pdf files ( No Child Left Behind) http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/involve/nclbguide/parentsguide.html

The best way to discipline them is by teaching them to distinguish from the  good and the bad stuff. And if by any choice they make mistakes, do not   punish or scream at them. Sit near them and make them understand that the   thing they did was wrong and you don't appreciate the same and wouldn't like   it repeated.

To teach them manners Not to enforce upon them, to politely make them understand their mistakes, to show them love often so that they don't feel ignored. And last but not the least - Believe them to be part of yours you cherish not a part of yours you regret. Folow these and you need no other way to make them disciplined or so.

Research has shown that punishments and rewards do NOT work to discipline children. The type of discipline varies between these developmental age groups (0-7; 7-14; 14-21). They require different strategies (check Kim John Payne).It gets really tiring to have to come up  with new rewards, new punishments because their effectiveness wears off. They do NOT teach what the appropriate behaviour is and it doesn't teach them to reflect and come up with a better alternative. This can only be achieved through teaching , and discussions, not discipline.And lots of repetition and patience.Parenting should be 90% teaching and 10% discipline. Constant correcting is like having your boss breathing down your throat. It corrodes the parent-child relationship. Patience, repetition, empathy, and validation are what they need. It takes practice to learn all the human skills required to survive in this world. You have been here a while and might have lost sight of how scary and overwhelming this world can be. Don’t punish or timeout their emotional outbursts or send them to their rooms. It will only teach them to hide their feelings and shut you out when they are teens.The best way to get compliance is to focus on the parent-child relationship and build a strong attachment. It is no different than any regular relationship. If the bond is strong they will want to return the favour by listening to you, complying, simply just to please you. It is just natural. Think of you as an adult. When the bond with the person you work with , are married with, are friends with is strong, where there is mutual respect, give and take, empathy and validation, open communication, being seen for who they are, no judgment or strings attached etc.. naturally the person on the other end is giving, respectful, empathic, caring etc... Kids are no different. When yo look at it from their end, the fact that we have authority over them doesn't mean they automatically feel empathic or caring or want to give back... it doesn't work that way. We need to earn their love and trust, it is not a given.When you get kids involved in chores from the time they are two, teach teach teach, assist, help them out, instead of lecturing, modelling the behaviour you want to see in them, being the person you want them to become as an adult.. it will only produce respectful and compliant children.There is the odd time when you will need to discipline and what works best is to let life teach the lesson (no need to punish on top of that), or remove the culprit.. e.g... if kid keeps slamming door of bedroom... remove the door.. keeps lights on when you've asked multiple times to turn them off? remove the lightbulbs; won't get off their screens, take away the screens until they are able to manage self control (not punish for a week- instead test for a week with their knowledge of the expectations, and if there is still no control (for older kids), then take it away for 3 months for them to mature and retest- this doesn't apply for little kids- they CANT control screen use). This can be a post of several pages :-)From 0-7 you dont consequence, you teach/assit/ make sure you drop everything so you can help them follow through/time your request etc... 7-14 they can handle consequences and understand them better and can make choices...they are not ready to make choices from 0-7, they feel safe and secure when you make choices for them. Developmentally, they are not ready to have long term vision of the consequences of their actions. Toddlers live in the present moment, they dont think about what will happen when they are 10, 17, 20....I apply all these strategies with my now 7 year old.. i can tell you i can't remember the last time i had to "consequence her". She is very compliant even in my absence, she offers help when she sees i am overloaded and overwhelmed, she initiates all this on her own. Why? because our bond is strong.Attachment , authoritative parenting style, validation for every emotion whether you agree with the emotion or not (it is not condoning bad behaviour), redirection versus punishment (see Whole Brain Child), positive parenting discipline, parenting with presence, mindful and conscious parenting...these are the special ingredients to having compliant, well behaved, well mannered, resilient , respectful children with healthy self esteems, emotional intelligence and impulse control...And finally, one key ingredient is to parent from the inside out. Look at your own childhood wounds, how your kids trigger you, set you off, push your buttons etc.. This totally impact how you react to your kids and their misbehaviour (or perceived misbehaviour or assumption that their bad behaviour is intentional).Have a value driven parenting style and keep your eyes on that versus short term gains or goals, or living on auto pilot, moment to moment. When we become conscious parents, we are able to separate what is ours and what is our kid's issue and then we are truly present to our child and are able to adjust our interactions and not blow things out of proportion, over react, or be too quick to punish, reward or discipline.We want our kids to be intrinsically motivated to behave well. Punishment and rewards teaches them to be motivated to "get" something for good behaviour as opposed to doing it to be kind, helpful, empathic... You want your kids to be motivated by wanting to follow their values, not a reward... it is very difficult to get them motivated for the good reasons if we use punishment and reward.. you want them to have an internal compas and behave well because they want to please you and respect you.. .not because they fear you or fear losing their ipod, or not get paid or get a movie...Teach them to be motivated by their values and wanting to do good in this world, not just for what's in it for them...