What is the best restaurant to work at in Williamsburg, VA?

Is there a way I can perform better at work while in mourning?

• My father and I took care of my mother for more than 10 years at home (tag team)- she had an inoperable aneurism that caused seizures and dementia. It was a very odd case that confounded her doctors. She had more than 50 falls, creating lots of black and blues and gashes. We went through so many odd stages. I cared for her when she broke her back - with theoretical help from visiting county health people who were more of a burden. Then she fell and couldn't get up again - we had to take what we could get and that was a county run alzheimers lock up. We visited her everyday and that was a nightmare, as she wasn't being very well taken care of. She died after struggling to breath all one night. Finally, as the sun came up her breathing became normal, she opened her eyes and stared into mine for about five minutes then slowly slipped away. I was working two jobs during this whole period trying to make ends meet. While my mom was in the home, I was asked to come in and manage a failing restaurant and took the job because I could make ends meet with only one job. It was really to much of a change after what I had been through with her, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I also had a tyrant of a boss, who didn't cut me any slack when my mother died. So I left that position. Soon after this my father turned 90 and started to become physically ill. They had been married for 64 years. Dad had a stroke while he was in the hospital for a week and I would stay there nights with him and then go to work and back and forth. He also had a heart problem (A - fib) and he developed diabetes and I had to shoot him up with insulin every night. Then he developed what we called "A big bag of water" - that turned out to be related to cysts and one of these was on his pancreas and that one was cancerous - it took months to diagnose.  He had to be in a hospital during the diagnosis period 1 1/2 hours away. I was either working or at his bedside or moving him around to hospitals for tests, etc. Then he was given radiation and had a fall when I was at work ended up in the VA and eventually was told the cancer had spread and there was no hope. I was thankfully able to get him in a hospice house about an hour from work. I hated being at work because it took time away from his bedside. I was his only daughter - he had 4 sons who all lived out of state. We really bonded later in life as he came to work for me when he retired at an old Inn I ran (he was the living example of Bob NewHart). Then we cared for my mom together. He was the most amusing, adorable man I have ever run across and I've run across a lot of men. In his last year, I was able to help make his dream come true of being a stand up comic (altho he sat down)  - he almost didn't make that and I sweated it out - as I didn't want him to bomb. As one of my brother's said, "If he bombs, you could ruin his life." DAD didn't bomb and he even went a wee bit viral - as the TV news covered him and DJ called him to be on their shows around the country afterwards. But he ended up in and out of the hospital after that. He didn't want to die and I didn't want him to be afraid. I had to be strong for him. After he died - my oldest brother and I sat with him for the couple days it took in the end. My friends and family came and helped me clean up the house and throw one hell of a wake. I took a week off from work. But ever since I've been in the fog of grief - which I certainly don't want to be experiencing and I know my parents wouldn't want me to be dealing with - it is so hard to be productive at work - simply tasks are very difficult. I feel like I am letting my staff down. I also discovered that several of my key employees had been stealing from me during this time. I've done the hard work of reshaping the staff into a great team. But I find work so overwhelming in this state. I've taken some additional time off (without pay) and even that was painful. Looking for any tips anyone might have - as it is really hard to be in our society during this type of period as life has sped up so ...

• Answer:

  That is terrible, I am very sorry for your loss. Personally, in the past when I have had to deal with the death of a close friend or a family member a few things did help: 1 - Intense focus on work. Think about a new system for work, something that is highly detail oriented and focus on those details. 2 - Lifestyle change. If you are still going through the same routine that you were prior to your loss you will have more reminders of it. For me doing something active, with a new or different group of people was helpful. Ultimately it is just going to take time.