How can I make myself happy?

• Been dating a guy now nearly a year.  He’s a lovely  guy but,  he works 6hours away. He used to message every day & said  wants to  do loads in bed but I’m lucky to get it twice a week (when  he’s here) he  doesn’t seem into it at all (or just with me) and even  told me at start  of relationship to finish myself off in spare room.  I’ve brought it up,  cos I've worn sexy undies etc & asked what he  likes etc but I have  to drag it out of him. He is getting a bit better  & has surprised me  twice so he’s listening to me. I give him  compliments in case hes  insecure e.g. ‘That was great’ & he just  said ‘Yeah don’t get used  to it.”          He hates kissing  it seems  apart from these 2 times & I have to ask for one. He even  blew in my  face once when I went to kiss him & he calls me ‘Fish  tank breath’  in the morning which isn’t true. I get pecks instead of  kisses & if I  try a deep loving kiss in bed he fights me. Early on I  text him on  Friday & he wasn’t happy I asked him if he was ok,  because his text  was short & he said “Why are you nit picking” I  said    “I don’t understand  eggshells situation when  talking to you s/times what’s wrong?” He  shouted "ur making me raging  mad now, u know I don't have time to  myself, what have I done to  deserve this, nothing!" He said I don't  wanna Fu***** break up with u.  If ur like this, don't bother messaging  me, only talk when I'm home.  You’ve used up all my night cos u can't  listen, nothings wrong!! Few  weeks later he was working & said  ‘Don’t expect 2much texting from  me, Ill be busy& no battery’    He  bought me  loads of presents when he came home but he did take his phone  into the  bathroom and once he went to bed with it in his dressing gown  which is  huge warning for me.  He’s a lovely guy sometimes, it is my birthday  & he bought me  concert tickets, a satnav (but I think this is to  pick him up from  airport soon) a gorgeous birthday card which was  caligraphied which must  have taken him ages!! Chocolates etc, I told  him i loved him & the  card is my favourite because the time it took  him.    He just came home for a week  & it was  lovely apart from his usual moaning. He always pats my  head like a dog,  sniffs me etc I tried to kiss him but nothing, except I  got out of  shower & he dragged me into bedroom with me ontop of  him, obviously  he wanted a bjob so I did for a bit, then he turned me  over & came  quickly! So obv I was upset but if I ever bring up &  he says "dont  winge now" I felt really guilty then. I spend time trying  not to upset  him       & he says I'm annoying  most of the times  because I make too much noise, I scratch my hand loud,  cleans nails  annoyingly etc, he even threw out his soap cos I sometimes  leave it in  the sink. We finally had sex today after hours of me  trying, him  pushing me off & laughing. He even blew at me when I  tried to kiss  him, then he handed me a wet wipe & said "how come u  dont get wet"  so I said "well because u climb on, *** & over & I  dont get to  enjoy it" to which he said ‘    That’s your fault,  dont  whine now, we just did it, so just say thankyou” I was really  shocked.  He always tells me to make decisions more but whenever I do,  he says "no  that's stupid" so I don't bother anymore. I know he added a  girl ages  ago on facebook because she told me. I try to tell him I  prefer quality  time together not money spent on me. He says I'm always  winging, I'm so  negative apparently cos I like to discuss why hes  horrible to me but  I've said I want us to have a happy relationship  not just split because none  of us talked & this week  he said ‘Your just like the rain you,  always moaning’ Last thing was  he was due to leave today so in bed I was  hugging him & once again  he said "your making me too hot" so he  literally picked me up by my bra  & pushed me off. I said ‘Ow you  hurting’ but he just says I’m a  baby. so I sighed "ok ill sit here"  & put my top on, when he got  up, had a shower & started getting  his stuff ready to leave. I said       'Why  you leaving so early?' and he just said 'It will  get dragged out  otherwise' In one hour, I was pushed out the door,  quick hug & "see u  next time" He even said to me last time "you can  do a lot worse than me  girlie" Now hes gone im thinking ‘I’m never a  moany girl, im always  optimistic & happy’ im just so confused  because he always leaves me  feeling so guilty & questioning myself  but it shouldn’t be so hard  for a girl to get her guy to hug, kiss her  & want to do normal  things like have sex.    I  should add, he hasnt  changed - this is how he is. He has been like this  ever since he knew we  were finally together. After our first few dates  he said 'Are we a  couple now?'' so i said yes and wham - instant  change. Hes never been  into sex,hes never liked kissing except first  time we got together. Our  first weekend he was very hands on, kissing,  sex, everything & when  he asked 'are we a couple now finally' I  said yes & then he changed  immediately - I am so tired because if he wanted me to do something for him, I would, i like people to be happy but if i ever say something he says 'Thats hurtful, think of my feelings' & i feel so guilty cos he shouted at me 'Ive got to teach you how to flush the toilet'' and I said 'leave me alone' but i felt guilty for hours but he says what he likes to me. I came down stairs once & he said 'Get out of my effing way' - hes getting better he came home for my birthday & we had amazing time together, it was lovely. My brother saw us though & he hates me dating so I had messages from him saying 'Your nothing to me, your a C**T & your dead & buried, dont ever speak to me again' Its insane, my brother saw me on  a date once & sent me tons of abusive messages, he has even sent girls to come onto my partner at the time to split us up. I'd never do anything like that to him, hes getting married & he still cant leave me alone. Im so unhappy - i have nothing in life, absolutely nothing, my brother visits my parents & gloats 'haha your single' but when i date he splits me up. I just want out of life now, im tired of always being there for people & everybody being horrible all the time :(

• Answer:

  Watch "The Pursuit of Happiness" by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajahn_Brahm.