Breaking Up: No contact after divorce - I am silent because I don't want to cause any more hurt to my ex. Should I write an explanation of my silence to him?  Would that make it easier for him?  Or should I do nothing and let time heal his heart?

Leave him alone and don't know the circumstances under which u separated but I can't think of nything which can be big enough for ending such a relation. ....Again really sorry but I dunt think u love him u pity him. ...

Wow, such a range of answers on this question. I think it comes down to our limited vocabulary for the word "love." Compared with other languages, English seems impoverished with its perspective on the ways we can love one another. I'm a fan of the way the Greeks saw it: It seems lots of my fellow Quorans take issue with your claim of loving your ex, but I suspect semantics are at play, and that you just do not love him as a romantic life partner anymore (or even if you do, you know the two of you aren't viable and you are more at peace with the severance than he is). But I have no reason to doubt that you love him as a person with whom you've shared a lot of your life and your combined efforts. Perhaps even your children. I don't think it's ego making you withdraw contact. Ego would have you basking in his adoration even though you do not reciprocate it. Ego would see you torturing this guy because he feeds your vanities rather than letting him go with dignity. I've been the person who was more ready to sever than my partner, and I've also been the one caught up short by someone's change of heart. In both cases, the right answer is to cease contact. A friendship may be possible when the romantic hopes and investment have dissipated for both of you. In the meantime, silence is golden. That said, I don't think there is anything wrong with saying something like, "I won't be in contact for quite a while. Feelings are intense right now, but I think it will be easier to sever if we cease communication for as long as it takes to move on separately." Then, be constant with that.

This might not seem true to you right now, but you are not really motivated by concern for him. When you say this: I want him to get over me and find true happiness with someone who is right for him and move on with his life and I know he can't being in contact with me. you are lying to yourself. I have heard many similar things from many divorced women. What you want is to feel that your marriage was significant and meaningful even though it ended in divorce. You want to break contact with him and move on with your life. These are your wishes and desires, and they have nothing to do with what he needs and what is best for him. So leave him out of this and set yourself to moving on with your life. It's not about him, it's about you.

No, what's done is done. Leave the poor guy alone. You can't soften the blow for him and any attempt to do so will only prolong his healing process. If he wants to speak with you, he will. You can't run his life for him, especially now. He's a big boy; he'll figure it out on his own.

The only I would say to him is that you want him to move on and you don't think it is a good idea for either one of you for him to keep trying to contact you. Even though he doesn't like it, the marriage is over and the only thing he can do is move on. How long that takes though is up to him, but the longer he puts it off, the longer it will take. If you tell him that you don't want to talk anymore, maybe it will be enough motivation to get him to start moving on.It is good that you remember him fondly and don't want to hurt him, but no explanation you give will make things better. You guys got divorced, and even if he doesn't know every issue you had, he knows enough as to why you wanted a divorce. Divorces don't just come out of the blue for absolutely no reason, and most people try and work things out before a divorce is the only option. So is probably aware of the gist of what went wrong in your relationship. Writing it down, even with a ton of details, won't change what happened and it probably won't be anything he doesn't already know. All it will do is bring everything back to the surface and remind him what went wrong. And since he isn't happy y'all are divorced, he isn't going to suddenly accept your reasons just because they're on paper. Until he is ready to accept it, he won't like your justifications. In fact, he may never accept them or agree with the reasons why you're divorced. Sometimes the explanation just doesn't seem good enough. If I was you, I would do everything in my power to get him to move on. Even if that means cutting him out of your life and forcing him to move on. He deserves to be happy, and if it isn't going to be with you, you should give him the chance to find it with someone else. Even if you're not meaning to, he might be thinking that you're keeping the door open for him to be in your life again at some point. He may see the letter as you wanting to work things out or as you saying that it is still on your mind and you need to get things off your chest. He may not realize that you're writing it as a way for closure, and it will be 10x's harder than it is now to convince him that moving on is the only option. As long as you are talking to him or not making it clear it is over, he will keep trying and not move on. As bad as it sounds, you have to be firm and direct in saying that you ended things for a reason and you don't want to be with him. I know that sounds heartless and cruel, but he has to know there is no future before he can accept things and move on. He will move on and be okay, but it seems like you're going to have to push him in that direction first.

You cannot make people forget or overcome anybody. It has to be their personal work. Every person heals differently. Let him try and do it himself. That's best for him. If you think you are responsible for his hurt after you are separated, its not right thinking, i would say. Your reply will not make a difference unless he is working on himself. What if your idea backfires and it makes things more awkward? He is a grown man. He knows you have your reasons to leave him behind. He has his own. If he doesn't have any, he will form some. Do not break 'No contact'. It complicates a lot of things. It hurts you as you miss him but you know this is the right thing to do and you are already doing the right thing. I appreciate it.

If I were in your situation I would not have any contact of the type you describe. Perhaps a short sympathy note if one of his relatives that you were both close to passes away. But nothing else. Let things heal and move on

" I don't want to hurt him anymore or make him hope one day we will be together again" That love is fake so keep moving, why do you care about someone who you don't love truly?! Are you gonna say "No, it's a TRUE love"? Well, then it's time to tear the divorce papers!

You're smart and compassionate - leave him to heal on his own.  Writing him gives him reason to answer and that opens a window - you want to close right now.  In time, you will know when or perhaps light him fly away.