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How do I stop being a PUA?

• This is the story of a sad man who brainwashed himself with PUA (Pick up artist) techniques which ruined his social life and now he can't be or act normal again. He doesn't know how he can become normal again? (If you want the story here it is, otherwise the underlined question above has already been asked so feel free to answer it) Here is some background information about him or let's rather say, me! I have always had issues approaching and talking to women. But I have been successful with getting female friends in the past. I had a couple of dates and succeeded in getting numbers in the past. When I think of it, I just needed to push myself and dare myself to talk to women from the standpoint of who I was, I just needed to get some experience. I have always been very shy and have...  This is the story of a sad man who brainwashed himself with PUA (Pick up artist) techniques which ruined his social life and now he can't be or act normal again. He doesn't know how he can become normal again? (If you want the story here it is, otherwise the underlined question above has already been asked so feel free to answer it) Here is some background information about him or let's rather say, me! I have always had issues approaching and talking to women. But I have been successful with getting female friends in the past. I had a couple of dates and succeeded in getting numbers in the past. When I think of it, I just needed to push myself and dare myself to talk to women from the standpoint of who I was, I just needed to get some experience. I have always been very shy and haven't had success with women due to inhibition and anxiety. Also I was bullied from the age of 11- 12 to being 20. I started working out and built myself up after being 20. I met someone at 22-23, my first "love" sorta say. We went on a few dates and it was all good, we ended up in a relationship. My ex- gf dumped me a few years back she hurt me really bad. We were together for 2-3 years and we almost had a baby but decided that we could wait some more until we earn more money. But then she changed, she became arrogant and she was never happy with anything I did. She always complained and told me off. I took it that she was stressed at work and I didn't say anything about that. She kept complaining about work and used me as an emotional boxing bag. I thought that when the stress eases out she will be back to her old self. But nope, it became worse! Well then she broke up with me, but continued coming to my place after she'd been out drinking, I am a niceguy so I took care of her when she was drunk and vomited all over my place, I cleaned up after her. I even made her breakfast the day after. The last months of our relationship she started flirting with a guy who lived close to me so I basically met him everyday. She kept coming to me in order to meet him. I lost all sense of respect for her and told her that I don't want to hear from her again cause she started talking about him. I mean I don't mind her finding another guy but my neighbor who I meet everyday and that close to me? Well one day she came over to our mutual apartment complex, but she didn't come to my place. She went to him and I heard them, I mean I really heard them:( I was really hurt. Then a few more months went by. Then I saw her again, she was dating a friend of mine. After that I ignored her, I totally blocked her from my life. I didn't even say hello to her. My self esteem and confidence was shattered. I sensed terrible anxiety every time I saw her. I thought that the best deal would be to start moving forward, to meet some people. I also wanted to meet a girl and thought, if she can meet anyone she runs after, then I should also meet someone and I hope that they would be somebody that would at least respect me. I am inexperienced with girls. But I went clubbing again and thought that I would soon meet somebody as long as I don't give up. Well I tried! I tried to the verge that it became embarrassing. All of my friends met girls, they hooked up, went on dates and had a busy schedule with their social life. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. When I approached women they looked at me as if I was a creep, they gave me nasty comments, brushed me off and treated me like I was some kind of animal. I became very depressed because often times I ended up alone, drinking. I am always clean, I take care of myself and work hard, I wear designer clothes and am a decent guy. I didn't understand anything. At this point past memories started flaring up from high school when I was bullied for everything. For not being able to get a girlfriend, for being fat, for being short (I got rid of the fat after high school and grew a few inches more) and it all was just hell, both back then and now. It was like reliving high school. What made me mad was that my x- girlfriend kept showing up and was pulling guy's in front of me. She had this ugly smirk and sneered at me. I wondered what on earth I had done in order to deserve this shit. Then they published a book. It was called The Game by Neil Strauss. I read it and tried some of the tactics in it, did it work? Nope! Women knew about the book and said you've read that creepy book. I felt really embarrassed. I tried approaching and was acting like a fun guy and hit on a couple of women, most of the times they talked about me and said. "Was he hitting at you?" or they gave me fake numbers or said that they knew what I was up to. Then I started searching online for advice and found a lot of material which the book was based on. So I couldn't get a date. Then I started reading pickup material online. I went on one forum and tried the stuff there and it didn't work. Other Pick Up artists told me to keep trying, that if I worked hard I would learn the material like it was a part of who I was and get a date at least. They told me to act confident and then I would become confident. I read and read but nothing worked. I jumped form one forum to the next and then I tried some tactics from one of the most famous forums that there is out there. Ultimately they didn't help. The sad truth is that all of this just made me weird and now my friends wont even hang out with me any more. All of these years I have been drinking more and more due to all of the anxiety, stress and depression caused by my social problems. And what was the result? I ended up with 2 dates. One girl didn't answer my calls later on. On the other date I had a panic attack and became very awkward. Can you believe it? I can't even go out on dates any more! What was really sad that every time I saw my ex- girlfriend I ignored her. This bugged her to the verge that her and her friends started ridiculing me. In the end I filed all PUA stuff under bullshit and I have spent more than 5 years trying everything that's available out there. The connection that I have got with women has been actually ruined by this stuff, it comes in the way of mutual connections that one needs to make with people. Yes, PUA came in the way of me meeting girls. I was never running after super hot women or model type girls! I just wanted to meet some regular women who had a great personality. Last night I was out with some people and we were talking. Then a subject came up and I started debating, I didn't like how some people tried to change the meaning of what I was saying. I wasn't even hitting on anyone but I obviously I used some tactics because one of the girls told her friend that I was pick up artist. And after thinking about it, I was doing some of the tactics to boast myself without being aware of myself doing them, so the guy's on the forum were right. So now I can't interact with people and girls say that I am a pickup artist and laugh at me. My friends look at me like I am awkward. and I act like this automatically. I suck with women and now I suck as a pick up artist. I have been doing this for years and I didn't even know my behavior was this obvious, I think everyone knows what I have been up to, now I am embarrassed and I feel really bad about it. I thought that Pick Up tactics were a good thing, that it was something positive for us who can't get a date. But they aren't!  My ex- girlfriend has been together with a rich guy for a couple of years now, he owns some big company. She married a few months back and is with children. I see her some times walking with her twins. There is not much more I can say about that. And for me. I just want to get rid of all the pickup brainwash and be normal again! I regret everything that I have read. it hasn't helped me getting women and it has certainly made me look like an idiot and a fool. Why do I always lose in life like this, I just wanted to date as normal people do and I thought that I could fall in love with someone. I hope that my friends will understand one day and that people wont judge me too hard about all of this. I used to be a good person, now I am awkward and bitter about both women and life. I am too old for running around chasing girls now. To anyone even thinking of reading pick up material I want to say stop. I know there is people out there who are successful with it. There are probably a lot of people who aren't either. I have recognized that it all sums up to esteem, confidence, limiting beliefs and not trusting yourself. I think a lot of PUA stuff is just placebo to get guy's going. I don't think that humans should use tactics in order to be social. Being social is about experiencing another person, it's about gaining confidence and trust for people and certainly its about emotions. As long as one ventures in to their heads and follows some kind of streamlined behavior, it kills who they are, their life experience and life even. It makes you neurotic and overly sensitive. I myself lost the sense of who I was and am doing everything to get a life. I have started working out again, I don't drink as much. I am planning of getting a better degree so I can look for better jobs. I don't care about women any more, I don't even look at them. If you haven't gone out yet and if you still are young then start, "get out of the closet". Trust yourself. Just go out and be who you are and try to come to your own realizations about how things work. You don't need online bullshit. I was a kid back then, I didn't know what I was up to and I regret it all. I need to stop judging myself and feel embarrassed about this due to how people perceive me. But do know that it all ruined me, I suffer more or less from social phobia these days because I am paranoid about everything in my surrounding. The best thing for you to do is to start working out, join some martial arts classes, start dancing, do some acting or take some guitar and singing lessons. Start a blog! Just get a life that you can have aside from women. To be honest, the women you will find out there won't be as good people that some guy's like me think they are. There are probably more idiots out there than you can find, do know that, even if you are a guy or a woman. How do I unplug myself from PUA stuff? BTW: I googled some more and I found this blog. I think it sums it all up. I never dressed weirdly though:P http://beyondpickup.wordpress.com/     This is the story of a sad man who brainwashed himself with PUA (Pick up artist) techniques which ruined his social life and now he can't be or act normal again. He doesn't know how he can become normal again? (If you want the story here it is, otherwise the underlined question above has already been asked so feel free to answer it) Here is some background information about him or let's rather say, me! I have always had issues approaching and talking to women. But I have been successful with getting female friends in the past. I had a couple of dates and succeeded in getting numbers in the past. When I think of it, I just needed to push myself and dare myself to talk to women from the standpoint of who I was, I just needed to get some experience. I have always been very shy and haven't had success with women due to inhibition and anxiety. Also I was bullied from the age of 11- 12 to being 20. I started working out and built myself up after being 20. I met someone at 22-23, my first "love" sorta say. We went on a few dates and it was all good, we ended up in a relationship. My ex- gf dumped me a few years back she hurt me really bad. We were together for 2-3 years and we almost had a baby but decided that we could wait some more until we earn more money. But then she changed, she became arrogant and she was never happy with anything I did. She always complained and told me off. I took it that she was stressed at work and I didn't say anything about that. She kept complaining about work and used me as an emotional boxing bag. I thought that when the stress eases out she will be back to her old self. But nope, it became worse! Well then she broke up with me, but continued coming to my place after she'd been out drinking, I am a niceguy so I took care of her when she was drunk and vomited all over my place, I cleaned up after her. I even made her breakfast the day after. The last months of our relationship she started flirting with a guy who lived close to me so I basically met him everyday. She kept coming to me in order to meet him. I lost all sense of respect for her and told her that I don't want to hear from her again cause she started talking about him. I mean I don't mind her finding another guy but my neighbor who I meet everyday and that close to me? Well one day she came over to our mutual apartment complex, but she didn't come to my place. She went to him and I heard them, I mean I really heard them:( I was really hurt. Then a few more months went by. Then I saw her again, she was dating a friend of mine. After that I ignored her, I totally blocked her from my life. I didn't even say hello to her. My self esteem and confidence was shattered. I sensed terrible anxiety every time I saw her. I thought that the best deal would be to start moving forward, to meet some people. I also wanted to meet a girl and thought, if she can meet anyone she runs after, then I should also meet someone and I hope that they would be somebody that would at least respect me. I am inexperienced with girls. But I went clubbing again and thought that I would soon meet somebody as long as I don't give up. Well I tried! I tried to the verge that it became embarrassing. All of my friends met girls, they hooked up, went on dates and had a busy schedule with their social life. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. When I approached women they looked at me as if I was a creep, they gave me nasty comments, brushed me off and treated me like I was some kind of animal. I became very depressed because often times I ended up alone, drinking. I am always clean, I take care of myself and work hard, I wear designer clothes and am a decent guy. I didn't understand anything. At this point past memories started flaring up from high school when I was bullied for everything. For not being able to get a girlfriend, for being fat, for being short (I got rid of the fat after high school and grew a few inches more) and it all was just hell, both back then and now. It was like reliving high school. What made me mad was that my x- girlfriend kept showing up and was pulling guy's in front of me. She had this ugly smirk and sneered at me. I wondered what on earth I had done in order to deserve this shit. Then they published a book. It was called The Game by Neil Strauss. I read it and tried some of the tactics in it, did it work? Nope! Women knew about the book and said you've read that creepy book. I felt really embarrassed. I tried approaching and was acting like a fun guy and hit on a couple of women, most of the times they talked about me and said. "Was he hitting at you?" or they gave me fake numbers or said that they knew what I was up to. Then I started searching online for advice and found a lot of material which the book was based on. So I couldn't get a date. Then I started reading pickup material online. I went on one forum and tried the stuff there and it didn't work. Other Pick Up artists told me to keep trying, that if I worked hard I would learn the material like it was a part of who I was and get a date at least. They told me to act confident and then I would become confident. I read and read but nothing worked. I jumped form one forum to the next and then I tried some tactics from one of the most famous forums that there is out there. Ultimately they didn't help. The sad truth is that all of this just made me weird and now my friends wont even hang out with me any more. All of these years I have been drinking more and more due to all of the anxiety, stress and depression caused by my social problems. And what was the result? I ended up with 2 dates. One girl didn't answer my calls later on. On the other date I had a panic attack and became very awkward. Can you believe it? I can't even go out on dates any more! What was really sad that every time I saw my ex- girlfriend I ignored her. This bugged her to the verge that her and her friends started ridiculing me. In the end I filed all PUA stuff under bullshit and I have spent more than 5 years trying everything that's available out there. The connection that I have got with women has been actually ruined by this stuff, it comes in the way of mutual connections that one needs to make with people. Yes, PUA came in the way of me meeting girls. I was never running after super hot women or model type girls! I just wanted to meet some regular women who had a great personality. Last night I was out with some people and we were talking. Then a subject came up and I started debating, I didn't like how some people tried to change the meaning of what I was saying. I wasn't even hitting on anyone but I obviously I used some tactics because one of the girls told her friend that I was pick up artist. And after thinking about it, I was doing some of the tactics to boast myself without being aware of myself doing them, so the guy's on the forum were right. So now I can't interact with people and girls say that I am a pickup artist and laugh at me. My friends look at me like I am awkward. and I act like this automatically. I suck with women and now I suck as a pick up artist. I have been doing this for years and I didn't even know my behavior was this obvious, I think everyone knows what I have been up to, now I am embarrassed and I feel really bad about it. I thought that Pick Up tactics were a good thing, that it was something positive for us who can't get a date. But they aren't!  My ex- girlfriend has been together with a rich guy for a couple of years now, he owns some big company. She married a few months back and is with children. I see her some times walking with her twins. There is not much more I can say about that. And for me. I just want to get rid of all the pickup brainwash and be normal again! I regret everything that I have read. it hasn't helped me getting women and it has certainly made me look like an idiot and a fool. Why do I always lose in life like this, I just wanted to date as normal people do and I thought that I could fall in love with someone. I hope that my friends will understand one day and that people wont judge me too hard about all of this. I used to be a good person, now I am awkward and bitter about both women and life. I am too old for running around chasing girls now. To anyone even thinking of reading pick up material I want to say stop. I know there is people out there who are successful with it. There are probably a lot of people who aren't either. I have recognized that it all sums up to esteem, confidence, limiting beliefs and not trusting yourself. I think a lot of PUA stuff is just placebo to get guy's going. I don't think that humans should use tactics in order to be social. Being social is about experiencing another person, it's about gaining confidence and trust for people and certainly its about emotions. As long as one ventures in to their heads and follows some kind of streamlined behavior, it kills who they are, their life experience and life even. It makes you neurotic and overly sensitive. I myself lost the sense of who I was and am doing everything to get a life. I have started working out again, I don't drink as much. I am planning of getting a better degree so I can look for better jobs. I don't care about women any more, I don't even look at them. If you haven't gone out yet and if you still are young then start, "get out of the closet". Trust yourself. Just go out and be who you are and try to come to your own realizations about how things work. You don't need online bullshit. I was a kid back then, I didn't know what I was up to and I regret it all. I need to stop judging myself and feel embarrassed about this due to how people perceive me. But do know that it all ruined me, I suffer more or less from social phobia these days because I am paranoid about everything in my surrounding. The best thing for you to do is to start working out, join some martial arts classes, start dancing, do some acting or take some guitar and singing lessons. Start a blog! Just get a life that you can have aside from women. To be honest, the women you will find out there won't be as good people that some guy's like me think they are. There are probably more idiots out there than you can find, do know that, even if you are a guy or a woman. How do I unplug myself from PUA stuff? BTW: I googled some more and I found this blog. I think it sums it all up. I never dressed weirdly though:P http://beyondpickup.wordpress.com/ Link to Questions, Topics, Blogs and People

• Answer:

  What a strange and fascinating tale. Congratulations on putting this all out there, this is the first step. Here are my quick suggestions: 1: get a therapist. You have more than enough to talk about. 2: get on medication. Antidepressants like Prozac or Zoloft will likely have immediate impact. "But I'm not depressed." Uh, yeah, talk to a professional. Even if it is temporary seeing the change in mental state for contrast will help you tremendously. 3: stop obsessing over the PUA thing. It sounds to me like the "PUA community" turned into a cult-like obsession for you. I suppose it doesn't help that the seminars are pretty much run with cult dynamics. PUA is not the source of your problems, the box you think you are in is. There are some useful things about what you learned, there is also a sort of sociopathic douchebaggery that people can smell and shun. 4: get over your Ex. Your relationship was a codependent mess. You need to either shut her completely out of your life and move on, perhaps physically putting distance between you. If you really care about her you should be happy she is happy with a family. Some Ex's can get to this place and remain friends. I'm not sure this is the case. 5: care about people. Develop genuine care and compassion for people even if they have nothing to offer you. This exercise will pay off in unexpected ways. The PUA stuff can make you see women as objects not humans. I'm not going to straight up say that is bad because the other side of the coin is that the "nice guys" do the same thing, just in a different way. You are straddling the worst of both worlds. You need to get to the middle ground.