What is an ideal wife? What is an ideal husband? What is an ideal mother? What is an ideal father?

I actually discussed my ideal family with a friend the other day. For me, a family would be a house with at least four adults - be they friends, two close couples, siblings, or polyamorous lovers - and three children. They're all the parents, if that makes sense: not biologically, perhaps (I imagine some being foster children), but it's a house of people who essentially are living out "it takes a village to raise a child". The people in this house might not be people I'm sleeping with, but they'd definitely be, as well as ideal parents, ideal partners: people who understand me, understand the internet and are capable of expressing themselves with no shame or conformity to traditional gender roles (sorry, no wives/husbands/mothers/fathers here. parents are parents, partners are partners.) I imagine it as pretty similar to a large family, except with more adults - full of laughter, chaotic activity, camaraderie. Children aren't strictly disciplined, but educated, allowed to run a bit wild in terms of discovery and learning. And, of course, they have more than just the two people to run to when things go wrong. A cohesive, but busily productive and open family. You'll notice that I'm not elaborating much on what the individuals should be like: I'm open to relationships with any kind of person, but I've got a much more specific idea what I want to build with them. In a larger model, there's more room for each person to only fill a fraction of the traditional duties of parenthood: the friend I told this dream to quietly said, "I wouldn't be much good as a father, perhaps, but if you make this come true I'd like in." And he'd be wonderful at it: be the quietly geeky, logical person in the house, the moderating influence when emotions run high, the comforter. Not assertive enough to be a conventional father, nor do I think he wants to be. But none of that stuff matters in a bigger household. I've seen some of this stuff in families around me: one family has a spinster aunt staying with them, and I can see how much that's made a difference to the dynamic. Two parents lends itself to a binary: I'd much rather have more. One partner lends itself to dependency: again, I'd much rather have more.

An ideal partner (male or female), would be someone who I get along with. Personally, it's someone I can trust--which is actually really hard for me. Someone who can be there when I ask for help, but doesn't try to do everything for me. It's strange to think that you need someone else to be independent, but when you're in a relationship, you absolutely do. I would want someone who understands the value of letting me falter and fail sometimes--not because they don't want me to succeed in life, but because they understand that sometimes growing means learning how to deal with disappointing and failure. However, when I did ask for help, it would be assumed that they would do their best. I would need someone to understand understands my need for alone time. I am introverted and can get exhausted being around people all day. Sometimes I just need to go to a dark room and sit there by myself for an hour. I would need my partner to understand that they didn't do anything wrong--I just need that time and space. Honestly, the things I'm describing are skills, not inherent characteristics. Relationships have be worked on--and they're not easy! But I think what makes a  relationship special, is the fact that you've found someone who is willing to make the a commitment to respect, understand, and love you to best of their abilities and so are you. I think the relationships that work are the ones where the best of each person's abilities is sufficient for the other(s); the ones that don't work, are the ones where someone's best isn't enough (assuming there was compromise and give and take from both sides). For an ideal parent, I think I'd like a mentor. As much as we'd like to think otherwise, a child's growth is influenced way more by their peers than just their parents. I think the best a parent can really do is role model good behavior and have the child practice healthy habits and techniques. Such as development of adaptive coping mechanisms, learning how to feel their feelings (emotion coaching), building their trust and maintaining good attachments. Basically, be present, but not overbearing, and show them that they are loved and that they belong. Then again, I'm not a parent, so what do I know? Science can only tell you so much. I can't possible understand the nuances of raising a child and the intensity of the parent-child attachment without being a mother myself, so I'll leave this one to others.

Someone who complements your skillset very well, who pushes you to improve as a human being and fullfills your desires. Bonus points for uncomplicating their love for you and making everything seem simple.

I will go strictly by the traditional definitions of the roles. Ideal wife: comforting compeer; Ideal husband: cherishing provider; Ideal mother: nourishing nurturer; Ideal father: inspiring facilitator.