Where can I repair a spoilt lighter?

I seem to have spoilt my career and life beyond repair. What should I do?

• Answer:

  You might be burdening your family because of the social stigma, but they and society are burdenting you(or you are letting them do it) a whole lot more with the pressure to conform with a very narrow set of boundaries. It feels like you are not writing from the West; I am, with some experience in Eastern and Middle eastern cultures, but it would be presumptuous for me to go too far with advice, because our cultural rules are a lot different and I don't have to live with the impact of the choices you make.   The biggest problem I see is that because of the pressure for you to check all the boxes and not being able to reconcile your obvious compassion and drive with expectations from your family and society.  It obviously impacts your self esteem, and I think the risk is that you will feel forced to make some choices that stifle your ability to be happy and successful  based on your own unique self.   In the West, some of the same cultural norms are in place, but not nearly as overwhelmingly important, most of the time.   29 is the time when a lot of people are just getting serious about marriage, career work, etc., and the paths to success are much more varied.   If you don't get married, it is not the end of the world, for example, your personal drive and motivation alone can lead to multiple paths for a successful life.  But to tell you to move to the West  for success is pushing it-- you would need to re-learn all the cultural rules and walk away from some of the wonderful parts of your own culture.  It is a whole lot more lonely in my world, you can be successful on your own merits and in your unique way, but there are far less suppports out there for you.   Gaps in your resume wouldn't have to be a problem in my world.  If your stressed your successes and abilities, it would be relatively easy to explain gaps as a sabbatical from attaining credentials while you were deciding exactly how you wanted to best contribute to an employer and society or points where you tried to do the right thing using your own head, later realized you needed to adjust..   About the only specific advice I think I could give you is that you should not let these outside expecations take away from your own self-esteem any more than you have to.  Think Buddhism-- many of your choices are defined for you., you are a good person trying to do the right thing.  Life is short.  Before you know it, you will be looking back more,  rather than forward.  If you do all you can with what you have and take days one at a time, making choices among what is available then making the best of the choices you made, I think you can spend a lot more of your life enjoying it and contributing to your culture.  If you do that, I think that at minimum, odds are you will find a kindred soul with the same compassion eventually with whom you can share your lives, and eventually your significant others will look at you as a beacon of strength and example.