How can a manager improve their interpersonal skills?

Spouse ADHD denial - Takes meds but refuses any behavioral skills treatment. Very painful for both of us; approaching divorce. What can I do?

• Four years into our relationship, at the age of 28, my wife was diagnosed with ADHD. She is also a Mensa-member with a 98 percentile IQ and also has two Masters degrees (but barely scraped through both of these). The diagnosis was a relief, because it meant that the habitual shouting and selfishness etc etc were not character traits but just the ADHD. After the diagnosis from her PCP, a second opinion from another doctor and then a third one as well, she finally agreed to take Strattera. It's helped her a bit with organization but apart from this, she's refused to take any behavioral skills training. Though the meds have helped a bit, it appears the the effects are wearing off. In the past six months, she's gotten into two car accidents (both times, she was at fault), has walked into her manager's offce and shouted at him, and has misplaced financial documents (luckily, we lost only around $500) and almost began an affair. I've begged her to take behavioral skills training, and have even helped her schedule appointments, but she constantly refuses to go for the sessions or follow-up on the assignments she receives. Due to a physical disability, related major depression and some unrelated legal issues, I am completely financially dependent on her. However, she is constantly verbally abusive and we're both unhappy. Ideal scenario, it's be nice for her to take some ADHD coaching (as any doctor will tell you - pills don't teach skills), but I don't know how to get her to do so. A few years ago, her dad had untreated ADHD and was in a car accident (both drivers at equal fault) that resulted in the death of her mother. My wife's said flat out that unless something as serious as that happens, she doesn't plan to take any ADHD coaching. I think that'd be too late, so I'd like to do something to help improve the situation before things get that bad. Any ideas? Especially with my depression, I'm not sure I can handle much more. So I'd really appreciate any help or advice you can give. Thanks so much. PS: I'm living in a developing country (no social security net) and don't have any family left (earlier this year, two of them died within the month). Part of the reason why I'm so dependant on her.

• Answer:

  In all reality, you can't control your partner. You can make requests, but they will do as they please. It appears that immaturity and selfishness are also a part of the equation. By refusing to make any other changes, she is refusing to consider your feelings. She thinks it's ok to behave as she does. I personally would get divorced. Start small, but make your plans to get out. Living this life will make your depression and your disability worse. Look to a happier future without temper tantrums and rages. Eta: Fwiw, I have ADHD too. It's not a free pass for bad http://behavior.Ir It makes life more challenging, but self control is possible.