Adoptive parents of sibling groups, how did you deal?

We did not adopt a sibling group, but we were originally open to it. We adopted one child at first and then adopted another several years later. However... I'll tell you... When you adopt a toddler, you're going to be tired -- physically and emotionally. Both of our children needed nearly constant attention when they first came home (I don't blame them for that one bit, but it's tiring if you're not used to it.) And when they're on the move they can get into stuff. Plan your baby-proofing accordingly. When we brought DD home, we were more used to the activity level, but not prepared for everyone (both kids and the dog) needing something at the same time. It's easy to feel pulled in many different directions. I suggest getting a good baby carrier that works for toddlers (I love my Ergo) so you can "wear" one child and still have hands free to attend to another. You'll eventually get into a groove, but the first few weeks/months can be tough. I can only imagine it would be magnified with multiple children being placed at the same time. Try to either plan in advance or enlist help to do the everyday household things until you get your routine in order -- freeze meals, or plan on more "take out" than you'd normally eat, stock up on clean undies, etc. The laundry and the cooking can wait while you and your children get used to each other. You will get on a schedule and settle in -- but I think there's a reason newborns aren't mobile and sleep so much -- you'll be hitting the ground running, it sounds like. Good luck to you and I hope this placement works out for you. ETA: Freckle Face's suggestion of sign language is also excellent. We used it with both of our kids and it worked wonders at cutting down frustration. Their little brains want to communicate, but their mouths aren't able to form the words yet.

Gaia, I did not adopt a sibling group, but just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I know you have been waiting a very long time and I hope that your wishes come true in the very near future. As a teacher and an adoptive mom, I think that the important thing to do is just spend time with the kids getting to know them; establishing rapport and bonding. Maybe a trip to your local zoo (if it is not too cold where you live) or a park or aquarium would take the getting to know you pressure off of all of you. Just keep things light and fun initially and gradually work in a routine. Maybe start off with eating routines and work in grooming and sleeping routines. I am looking forward to hearing from other answeres too. Furfur

We went from 0-5 overnight. I would say the number one thing to remember is it is all going to be fun. It is interesting at first but I loved it. It was like having a big family without years of work. The first night I was so excited. I am still excited to see my children in the morning and have them come say "Mommy pop please" or " Mommy I love you". Just relax and take one day at a time and get ready for the fun to begin. We got a newborn, 15mo., 3yo,4yo,6yo. I loved those first couple of days. Looking back I think we were crazy and funny. To think that we only had 2 hours to get ready for 5 children. Shopping was fun. Just remember that you don't have to have everything the first month they are there. You can wait to buy shorts for a few months HAHA. I wish I could see you your first night. It is a better cloud nine then when I met my wife for the first time. Have fun and remember to take a bath everyday. If you go to many days without a bath DFS starts to wonder if they need to give you respite and you don't want that.

Our bio son was 13 when we adopted our two (10 and 5 at the time). Going from one to three was a big adjustment! One of the biggest things was the sibling rivalry, mostly between the two that we adopted. One child has nobody to argue with. There are all sorts of dynamics that can happen with three! But if you're looking at adopting 3 children all below the age of 3, that's going to take a lot more hands-on care time than it would for older children. I'd recommend having a good schedule for meals, naps and things like bathtime. Make sure you've got support from friends/family. Best of luck!

We were planning on one child thru foster care, and were placed with a sibling group of two. They were 3 and 18 months at the time. As you probably have already read, my son has RADs and my daughter (at the time) was developmentally delayed (she has now caught up and surpassed her peer group!)] Here are some things I found that were hard: We had to buy a whole other set of everything. We had enough for one child, but were suddenly faced with planning a whole other bedroom...$$$$$! We also discovered that there was no time anymore. None! Zero! Zilch! Children coming from care, even if healthy, often have special emotional needs. It was difficult to balance giving everything to each child that they needed emotionally and still having something left for my husband. There was so much hugging and touching that by the end of the day, I just needed space. Thank God we had a good marriage to begin with! Otherwise, I think, we may not have made it thru that first year. Also, with kids under five, you pretty much have to do everything for them....shoes, getting dressed, etc. It gets easier as you teach them and as their dexterity increases. You need to plan to leave the house two hours ahead of when you actually have to be somewhere, otherwise, you will be perpetually late! Also, when they are that close in age, stages seem to go on FOREVER!!!!!!! Just as one leaves a stage (such as pulling all the books out of the shelves) the next one enters it. Arg! It may sound small but, when you are in the middle of it, holy cow it can be frustrating. You will make mistakes. All parents do. I discovered early on, that I had to put a stop to feeling guilty when I made a glaring parenting error. I would give myself 30 minutes to beat my self up over it, and then move forward, because parenting out of guilt is just not good parenting. Also, don't expect to bond/attach with each child at the same time rate. And please do not feel guilty about that. Each child will have their own timing. So will you. When a child is placed with you, it is not instant LOVE. It may be a bit of an instant infatuation because you are happy to have kids, but love grows over time, so does bonding and attachment. Think of it this way, the more memories you make together, the tighter your family becomes. And memories take time to build. Good luck in choice Gaia

I am not an adoptive parent, I'm a bio child of adoptive parents. I was 21 when my sisters were adopted. They are a sibling group and were 1, 2, and 3 when they were placed with our parents. What I learned is much of what has already been said. You can expect to be run in twenty different directions at once, you can expect to be more tired than you ever thought, you can expect to have some adjustment times where the children may not want to do anything but cry. Some tips that I picked up from the girls-make some one on one time for each child. It is going to be an adjustment for them. Yes they will have their siblings around and the familiar will help them to adjust a little more quickly, however, they will still require some individual attention and reassurance that you are not going anywhere. The girls for a while would not sleep separate from each other. They all had their own bedroom but the oldest two would end up in the crib with the youngest child. My parents started just letting the girls go to bed together until they got used to the house. Every once in a while now they want to have a "sleepover" in each others room. Most of the time, however, they stay in their own rooms. You will get some things wrong. Any parent would. The thing to remember is to learn from the mistake and adjust accordingly. My parents would ask me to come home sometimes (I was away at college) to help with some special weekend. That way we were able to each take one girl and give them indivudual attention. Good luck to you and your husband. I hope the best for all of you.

Last Oct. we got our first call from the foster agency. It was for 2 girls (ages 4 and 6). I was due to give birth the end of November but we felt we could handle it. Ten days later my baby arrived so within 10 days we had 3. I had a csection so for a few weeks it was tough but we managed. The girls were with us for 3 1/2 months. Now here I am pregnant again and my son is 12 months and we have a 3 year old that was placed with us the day we found out I was pregnant! So we are back to 3 kids soon. You will be fine as long as you remember to take each day at a time and to ask for help when you need it. This probably isn't the kind of advice you expected but Walmart carries a playyard (I think its called a super playyard XL or something of that nature) It is basically about 6 gates that hook together. I have two (so 12 sections) It hooks together to make a large play area. I have lots of toys inside and my son and the two boys I watch (20 months and 23 months) can play safely even when I need a break. A wonderful investment! If you do site to store shipping its about $107 for 2 of them.

I've had guardianship of 3 kids at a time, from infant to 5 years old. The main thing is to have separate area that is child safe, where they can spend a little of time out if they act out, which is normal for kids going through a rough time. They don't know how to communicate often times, without being physically abusive. Love them, hug them, and let them know that you care for them deeply. Watch their reactions to each thing, from dressing them too coldly or too warmly; their reactions from hugs (some kids love them, some think they're going to get hit again); and remember that a sibling group will be protective over the others, which sometimes seems like nosiness and can be irritating; some try to help, and end up spilling something all over, so thank them for their help, and say to them, "That was a great try, and later on you'll do that great." This gives them acceptance, without scolding them, which some kids just can't take in the process. Remember too, that a child in foster care might not have had some of the progress that others their age make. Good luck, and since you've taken the time to educate yourself on the kids, their situations, and the fact that you're working for them, you'll be great! If you get frustrated, accept some help from your partner, get away for a few minutes, and never let the kids know they've ruffled you, because they'll realize they can, and will do it on purpose possibly. Have everything from when to do laundry, and meals prepared in a crockpot to make household chores simpler. It's alright to get a meal out every once in a while to make things easier for yourself. When you treat kids good, they'll generally treat you good, although it can take some time for them to come around and trust again. And, remember, patience, patience, and more patience.

Oh Gaia, get ready to take naps when they do! HA. Although J is an only child when he was placed with us so was another little boy - they were best friends and the state wanted to find a home for the both of them - kind of like brothers. J was 4 and T was 3 - we couldn't believe the amount of energy these children had. I have children of my own but my daughter was 12 when we decided to foster children so it had been quite a while since I was running around the house like I was crazy! You may want to consider that at the age of 3 my (bio) daughter did not know how to bathe herself properly but the boys did! They also may require a little more privacy than others. Ask them what they would like to eat - as you won't know their taste buds. We did this with J and it was strange as we thought he was just trying to please us with saying "yes, I will eat that - all veggies!!!!) and then we just figured out that he does eat anything and everything - except blueberries - he won't eat these -but is all over asparagus and spinach like you wouldn't believe. They may come with a boat load of stuff and they may come with nothing. Make sure you have plenty of storage and places to put things. J came into the house with I swear every piece of clothing he had ever owned - whether it fit or not - he still had it and wanted to keep it.