Read my nursing entrance essay and give me your thoughts/opinions.?

Some comments, First paragraph, too many "nurse" try to rework. Define what a great nurse would be, in your perspective. 2nd paragraph, it should say mine instead of mines. The “I want to help people” line of comment is sooo common, you are writing this statement to draw attention to yourself among so many applicants, try to quote an specific situation instead of generalitites. Provide examples of your hard work, for example honors, scholarships, working while studying etc. It is Persevere not persever Unless you are applying for a religious school, you would be better served to omit you comment about personal faith, it can work against you. you mention the "two of the many qualities” and yet you list three (dedicated, sincere and nurturing) nursing is not a fulfillment, is fulfilling for you. Why is it a reward? Gift, calling, vocation are just a few words that may apply instead. Best of luck!

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About eight years ago I had to write a similar essay as to why I wanted to be an occupational therapy student. It took a lot of time and thought to it. First of all, grammar and spelling. "A dream of mines?" Nursing (like many allied health care fields) is competitive. You say that you are motivated, determined and love nursing. That's a good start. However, what you didn't say is the why and how. Many others are going to say they love nursing and are determined. What did you do to get here? Mention quotes that give meaning to you, or role models that have helped you. Elaborate; this is your time to shine. How has your passion for nursing multiplied? did you volunteer? what related work have you done?? Its easy to say that you can overcome obstacles. They are looking to see what you have done so far to overcome any past obstacles. You also need the mention the qualities a nurse has and how you meet the criteria for that. You have the gist of it but your essay needs to be more substantial. You are just one of many who are applying. Think of this as applying for a job. This is your cover letter/resume. Good luck to you as you pursue your dream!

"Mines" is not a word. Don't end a sentence with the word "be." "it self" is one word: itself. The word "possess" has 2 s's in it. Other than that, I think it's a great essay. Good luck.