How do I deal with a difficult sibling?

How do you deal with a difficult sibling?

• My brother has had a history of being difficult from a young age. He is currently in his mid 20's and living at my parent's home. He complains a lot about how "the system is shit" and refuses to get a job. I cannot have a conversation with him without him complaining about how shitty society is and the like.

• Answer:

  Try and distance yourself from him until you find something in common with him. If you try and talk to him about things that you will never agree on, you are just going to continue having a strained relationship. I'm going to start off by saying that, to be honest, your brother sounds like every other 20 year old male from the 21st century. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the phrase "f**k the system!" from kids who are quite happy to use the system for buying new additions for their speedy car (I do not wish to offend anyone, this has simply been my experience of men who use this phrase). This doesn't make it any easier, but sometimes seeing it in black and white can help you come to terms with it and accept it as beyond your control, and a part of your relationship. Giving him some space means that you might both be able to have some perspective about each other's opinions rather than continuously being reminded about them all the time. It is because of this you will more likely be able to tolerate him.Try and see if you can bond over topics or interests. This doesn't mean you have to go golfing ever weekend, but if you find a joke he says funny, laugh at it. Talk about whatever it is men in their mid twenties talk about, but make sure you care about it too, because if you don't, you'll just be back at square one. My brother and I have had a very strained relationship in the past. I think we are such different people that we find it difficult to get on, which, from the sounds of it, sounds like your problem. Having a somewhat distant relationship with your brother may not be your favourite idea, but I am being (what I feel is) realistic and giving advice based on my experience. The way I look at it is that you can either have a very strenuous, tiring relationship with your brother (basically what you have now) or a more distant but much friendlier connection with him. You'll both be happier for it. I hope it works our for you. It won't happen overnight, but keep in mind that while you keep working on it, he will also age and mature, which would be to your advantage.