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What are the best way of stop thinking about going back to USA when you moved to INDIA after living in USA for 3-5 years?

  • Its hard to kill your love towards USA ..even after lots of good things in India. If you are the one moved back to India by making an emotional decision to live near your family ...I wanna know how long it will take to settle here properly that you don't even think of going back? Not sure if any one can give a great answer to this ...but the situation is like riding two boats at the same time ..... I went to US for study... worked hard to get there and also tried visa for kids and wife but got rejected ....studied in USA and worked there for 3 year to get h1b ..all without family(traveled back to India once in a year) ...and then the right time comes where I came back for h1b stamping ...stuck in India for 7 months and finally got visa for kids and wife ...we all visited USA and started living happily ..now the issue came that my parents were alone in India and they don't want to come to USA ...just after 6 month I came back again to India ...now after living here in India for 6 month feeling like ...i shouldn't have come back ...what the fuck is going on with me ...any advise is helpful..

  • Answer:

    I have just made a similar transition with some luck. I had residence in Canada, but after doing Masters there I came to India. In India everyone asked me why have I returned, so I reconsidered and got a job in Canada. I worked for 5 months, was really alone in a new city. I thought a lot about my future and figured my parents won't move here. Being the only son, I came back and in a month got a rockstar job. I have been doing OK back here for 2 months. Here is what I do: STOP COMPARING - this is the most important thing. Grass is always greener on the other side, but when you get there, it looks yellow and dry. Believe in the decision you took for your parents - It is important for long term and collective happiness. Stay in a place you love for a month - my parent's place is really nice, so I stayed there. And I didn't venture much out to avoid the traffic, pollution, corruption that we all hate so much in India. I basically got so used to being with my family and at home, that going outside felt like a temp adjustment. It is important to give low priority or exposure to things that trouble you. So that you can gradually adjust. You could go to Kashmir, Kerala, Darjiling, Leh, or a religious place of your liking where you can meditate and relax. Fall in love with your old self - you have been born in this country, you have had a life here. Re-discover it, enjoy it and expand on that. Don't be in two boats - I have changed like 5-7 cities in last 3 years and have had enough of it. I know I am going to settle here now. Jeena yahan Marna yahan. Atleast I will die happy! US/Canada are great - but you cannot move all your life here there. There are so many things, which you really cannot leave behind. Think about it. 3 years is a small fraction of your total life. You came sooner good for you. If you spent more time, then you would have been living there only. And your parents dying alone. Less worry - No more worrying now that you are away from your parents. And no more planning for annual trips to India. All that fight to get vacation. Buying tickets (expensive) for your wife and kids. Spending on gifts. And those really really hard goodbyes. EDIT - A small update. I am getting married soon. And the girl is from my town only. We are very happy.

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I am going to ask you a simple question: did your parents let you grow up with somebody else?No right? Does it make any sense for you to leave them alone in their old age for your selfish motives? And do you think you're happy yourself in the U.S ? You are spending the golden days of your life in a distant land, away from all your close friends,family and relatives just to make a little more money. And thanks to inflation in India, the money you make will probably only help you in buying a decent 2 BHk flat in a city. Do you think all this hard work and struggle plus the guilt of having left your old parents that you are going through is worth it ?

Anonymous

When I read the first line of your question, I thought the 'leave' was a mistake, so I corrected it instantly, but then I read the whole of it, and realised, you had repeated the same mistake throughout your answer. Well never mind, I guess your anguish is coming out in your writing. To answer your question, I believe, there is no bigger love than the love of your parents, there is no better satisfaction than the satisfaction you recieve seeing your parents smiling. Your parents don't have a very long way to go, so you should try to spend this part of your life with them, assuming you have already been away for 3-5 years. Probably when they are gone, U.S or India won't really make up for the void that they leave behind. Also, quoting from The Alchemist, "Real treasure lies where the heart is". So listen to your heart, and follow it.

Priyanka Menghani

Congratulations - you're at the end of the toughest period. The 1st 6 months are the hardest. Generally things start improving but the 1st year is tough. Things that would help survive: - find a place to live that is modern. Modern implies bathrooms with showers, wet and dry areas, commodes etc., homes with adequate power backup, air conditioning etc.  It is really really difficult to adjust for you, your spouse and kids if your home is not comfortable the same way that it was in the USA. - find a job where they respect your individuality without politics and bureaucracy. - find maids / domestic help and pay them well to make sure stay. That will take care of the big stuff. The small stuff will wear you out bit that's what takes a year to get used to. I also suggest making a trip back to the USA after 1 year. This brings balance and some closure to the family - at least it did for us. That being said. I think staying in India only to be close to your parents and then not liking it is a no-win situation. You may start resenting your parents, your life and not make anyone happy. May as well make decisions that make at least some of you happier.

Anand Shah

I have moved back to India after spending 6 years in Chicago. I had got one advice which I will share. I will surely go with advice form Anand Shah but one more small addition: 1. Do not drive for a year.... at-least for 6 months.. 2. Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern : You will find many things in India which will concern you... try to ignore them.... Focus on Circle of Influence..  and you will be happier... ( I also try to do ignore things in circle of concern.. but sometimes my loose and get irritated... spend some days in bad mood.. but sooner try to remember above advice and focus on things which gives me peace of mind )

Rahul Khinvasara

Hey i am no expert yet i can bet on one thing. You surely don't want to live in India and want to leave for US. Just re-read your post yourself. You have substituted leave for live everywhere  :) :D So stop kidding yourself and just go with your heart. We have just one life to live OR as you may say We have just one life to leave. LOL !!

Piyush Sharma

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