I want to hack the (currently non-existent) vegetable part of my diet.

Pick one from each category, eat at least one serving from one of the categories once per day: a dark leafy, green (kale/spinach/collards/mustard greens/escarole) a deep orange vegetable (carrots/butternut squash/ sweet potato/yam) bell pepper or citrus fruits I think that would cover your bases for vitamin c, potassium, calcium, iron and vitamin A. Though I agree with everyone else that micronutrients are tricksy things and if you hate vegetables that much you might as well down a multivitamin and have done with it. Beyond that, a thinly sliced garlic clove, salt, pepper, a glug of olive oil and bit of sautéing in a hot pan will do wonders.

Salads in general are not very efficient. So if you hate vegs, salads are a stressful way to get them. Juices and smoothies are very good, but getting all your servings from juices will lead to other problems, so maybe just get one or two servings a day from a vegetable juice and/or a fruit juice. Frozen vegs have lost some vitamins, but not so much it doesn't up-weigh the joy of not having to prep: have whole leaf spinach, green beans, peas, broccoli, kale in your freezer. These can be rapidly microwaved, steamed, fried, sautéed, cooked in cream. Whatever you do: remember the salt, pepper/chili, and if you are not using cream, add lemon or balsamic vinegar. Fried in butter is different from fried in olive oil. Find out what you enjoy. Since you are male, you should be eating tomatoes like candy. The good thing is that those properties which protect you against prostate cancer are actually enhanced in cooked tomatoes, as in pasta sauces or pizza toppings (not joking!) You could also have a can of sundried tomatoes as a beer-snack, if you like beer. Tomatoes are rich in vitamins and minerals, and getting a good habit eating tomatoes will get you a long way. Onions are amazing. You can eat them on anything, they make things taste better, wether they are raw or fried, and you get a lot of good nourishment from them. I find spring onions easier to deal with for raw onion toppings. Garlic is very good even in tiny amounts. I have a job where I can't eat raw garlic (and smell of it), but the amazing properties of garlic survive most adulterations. Garlic bread with tomato and garlic and oregano is a vitamin bomb. When I was young, I loved fruits, but now I find I have to force myself more and more to eat them. First of all: kiwis and bananas are the most cost-efficient fruits available where I live. As for other fruits, I've discovered I enjoy them more if I cut them up. Apples and peaches in quarters, oranges in thin slices with cinnamon as a spice. Pears in quarters with cheese. Plums and apricots in syrup with ice-cream, most berries with ice-cream, figs and melon with parma ham. My daughters eat fruit on their oatmeal or yogurt in the morning. A bit more complicated, but still simple: vegetable soups are easy to make and very rich in nourishment; even though some of the vitamins are lost during the cooking process, there is still a lot to give. Minestrone is a basic soup that can be varied many ways, and has bacon. Using a pressure cooker or the microwave saves more vitamins. During summer, salads might be more tempting, and then an efficient salad might be with green beans, garlic and a dressing of olive oil and lemon, or lightly blanched broccoli, almonds, and a vinaigrette. All the veg-haters (including cauliflower-haters) I know love this cauliflower salad: make a dressing of equal parts creme fraiche and mayo, flavored with garlic or finely chopped onion (or both), mustard, salt, and pepper. (Use a cup of creme fraiche, or yogurt if you are on a diet, and adjust the other elements to taste. I use equal parts milk-product and mayo, and one small onion). Cut the cauliflower into tiny bits. Mix the whole and let rest for an hour. Add cherry tomatoes and parsley or cilantro to decorate. Generally speaking, vegetables add more flavor to most dishes, but I sense that is not an answer to your question. I've spent a decade catering to my veg-hating dad and gran, and learnt a lot in the process, and sometimes when I am stressed, I cant really deal with vegetables, so this is my informed guess. But I forgot Bloody Mary. I like them personally, but couldn't sell them to my dad or gran.

I was very afraid that might be the answer to my question, which is why I tried to ask it so pointedly. "Eat plenty of colorful vegetables and lots of dark leafy greens" (to pick a common piece of advice) while I'm sure excellent, is an effectively unactionable suggestion. What makes this unactionable? Is it that you aren't familiar with which vegetables are colorful and which are dark leafy greens? Because I honestly feel that this is as simple as rotating through the vegetables available at your local supermarket. So one day you walk in and buy, say, a week's worth of the first two colorful vegetables you see and the first two leafy greens. Then you eat them over the course of a week. Next week, buy the next two colorful vegetables and dark leafy greens. Repeat until you've tried all the veggies, then begin again. I (or anyone else) could give you a list of vegetables instead, but it's easier to grab what's right in front of you than to explicitly be looking for something from an internet list that might not be available or in season at your local store.

The premise of your question is flawed. Humans are a bizarre species among Earth's animals - humans can subsist on almost anything that's edible (see the diverse diets around the world). If you want to see proof of this, see medical patients that are fed protein shakes and prisoners that are fed http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutraloaf. So far as I know, there is no medical evidence that people actually need a varied diet. If you can stomach your limited diet and your limited diet provides you with sufficient nutrients to meet FDA recommendations and you are maintaining a healthy weight, then I don't think you're really doing too badly. In other words, if your question is "what am I missing from vegetables?", the answer is, "probably nothing" unless you can identify some reason otherwise. If you really don't want to eat vegetables, then don't. Take some multi-vitamin (pills) and then eat beef jerky (or whatever you like to eat) for the rest of your diet. If you want practical advice, you need to identify an actual deficiency to correct. What are you trying to fix here? A more specific question will get you a useful answer.

Can you handle green smoothies? Throw a cup of kale, a carrot or two, and add a pear and/or banana and maybe a slice of fresh ginger to taste in a blender (not a juicer) and you've just cheated your way into several servings of fruit and vegetables. Fruit definitely covers the taste of vegetable if you balance it right. (Though you may end up creating a sugar bomb, if you're sensitive to that.)

Fiber is pretty important to your butt's health and happiness, so there's that. I also am bad at eating vegetables. I've found that the most efficient way for me, personally, to eat vegetables is to get a bunch of broccoli and steam it, salt it a bit, and just eat it. Here's why I like that: 1) It takes 10 minutes start to finish, including washing the dishes. 2) Cheap as balls. 3) It tastes fine. 4) Even a lot of broccoli isn't terribly filling, so I can quickly power through my due of vegetables and then sit down and enjoy the steak or whatever it is I actually want to eat guilt free. Here is my recipe for broccoli (you will need a lidded pot and a http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B003E6NPUE/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/): put about 3/4 an inch of water in the pot and start it to boil. Cut an entire head of broccoli over the steamer basket (easiest way is to just chop right through the stem so that all the florets naturally fall apart) and then rinse it off right there in the steamer basket. Your water should be steaming by this point. Put the steamer basket in the pot and sprinkle a bit of salt on there. Put the lid on the pot. Walk away for seven minutes. Come back and get your broccoli. Protip: you can also do this with cauliflower. I also love roasted vegetables but honestly I've realized that at this point in my life I'm even too lazy to roast veggies. (And god, roasting vegetables is so easy. That's how lazy I am.) I figure that regular intake of at least a small unvaried handful of veggies is better than nothing.

You could consider discussing this with a nutritionist or dietician. I read a book once that suggested these minimum requirements: - Eat a large salad every day - Eat at least half a cup of beans/legumes in soup, salad, or another dish - Eat at least three fresh fruits a day, especially berries, cherries, plums, oranges - Eat at least one ounce of raw nuts/seeds a day - Eat at least one large (double-size serving of green vegetables daily, either raw, steamed, or in soups and stews. Just sign up for a CSA and use what they give you. Or if there isn't one in your area, find the nearest CSA farm that lists their weekly contents online and use that as your weekly vegetable shopping list.

Since we don't know what we don't know about nutrition, I'd go for variety. Also, I think that for you, trying to suddenly eat 5-7 servings of fruit/veg a day might not be realistic, at least right away. Here are some ideas, since you asked for concrete, actionable things: 1. Is there a fancy raw juice bar in your neighborhood? Rotating through their menu of vegetable and fruit juices would give you some variety in what you're consuming, although it's an expensive habit, and possibly a sugary one. You can do your own jucing if this works out for you. 2. Use the "color" approach and assign each day a color. (Monday=yellow, etc.) Then eat a vegetable or fruit from that color on that day. The simplest thing I can think of is a cup of a frozen vegetable or fruit (strawberries, peas, corn, broccoli, carrots, etc.), microwaved with a little water, put a condiment on top if that helps, and just force yourself to eat it. If you eat something different every day, you'll be improving on your current diet quite a bit, and you only have to do it once a day.

Specifically, there are behavioral and other health issues I've been wrestling with for quite some time that have been very resistant to traditional treatment, and I am hoping that a more complete diet might help alleviate some of those difficulties. The thought of developing a practical (for me) dietary plan in anticipation of growing older is very attractive as well. If you have come to the conclusion that your current diet is having some kind of adverse effect on your health, the solution is probably not "add the minimal amount of veggies you can choke down", but rather "have a professional examine your diet and recommend changes which might be beneficial". Having said that, if I was going to Mars and could only take a limited variety of vegetables, I'd take carrots, broccoli, cabbage and potato. Granted, I like these for the taste and relative versatility but if you want concrete answers, there you go. Get those 4 veggies and rotate through, eating a different one each day. Serving size - I would say 1 small to medium sized carrot. Likewise with the potato. One or two "clumps" of broccoli, one or two outer sized leaves of cabbage, more as the leaves get smaller. Also I hope you come back and ask for tips on how to prepare veggies so they taste nice, or at least are hidden. Forcing yourself to eat a food you hate because it might be good for you is no way to live.