How do I work productively at ANY time in ANY mood?

The number one thing you have to know is that you are not, in any way, obligated to make your Dad's dream come true. If he is a bad businessman, it is his job to make sure that the folks in his company can make the business work. It seems that you are not the person to save his company from his bad decision-making, and that's okay. It's not your job to keep your father's business afloat, and it may do both of you some good for you to exit that business and do something else.

You are having a completely normal reaction to an unreasonable situation. You need to work on changing the situation. Therapy is not a magic pill that makes you able to withstand unreasonable situations; it's a tool for helping you create a reasonable life by getting rid of or minimizing the unreasonable parts of it. What you need to "fix" is the expectation that you can continue doing what you're doing and survive it emotionally intact.

You sound like a sensitive person who feels feelings more intensely than most. I suggest making peace with those bad feelings. Bad feelings will always come. That is life. Right now your thinking is "feel bad = avoid action." Instead think of this as an association, like the way Pavlov's dog associated food with a bell. Your feelings have taken over your life, and you need to take it back. You associate bad feeling with "I must collapse now" or "I am a bad person" or whatever. But these are just feelings. Think of someone you admire - someone (fictional or real) who could focus through bad feelings. Maybe it is an athlete or someone who overcame physical or economic disadvantage, or an "everyman" who rose to the occasion. Focus on your admiration of that person, how much you dream of incorporating their skills, how good it would feel for them to see and acknowledge you as a peer. Now when bad feelings show up, just see them as they are - bad feelings. May or may not be based in the present situation. "I feel bad, but I am bigger than this" could be your mantra, or "I can beat this." I play sports and when I came across teams that were much much better than my team, I used to get angry. Now I think: "Pray not for my opponent to be weaker; pray for me to be stronger." I am grateful for my opponents skill as it will make me a better player. You are a stronger person, you just need to enact it.

In truth, I should be putting in about 70-80 hours a week over all seven days. Nights and weekends should be a blessing where I can catch up, but I find myself wasting them, because I just don’t want to even think about work. If that's your expectation, no wonder you have a fear of failure and are burnt out. I doubt there is anybody on this planet who could keep up that pace, let alone indefinitely, let alone in anything resembling a healthy, happy way. In the US, a full-time workload is +/- 40 hours per week -- and that's considered to be too much in many, many cultures and by many, many people. You're talking about a workload that is literally double that. I'm sorry, but you are not superhuman and you can't take on the workload of two full-time workers. And if you have to do so for any length of time, you certainly can't expect yourself to be happy and relaxed about it. Nothing is wrong with you. my goal has always been to properly and completely learn how to do something, then write standard procedures that anyone can follow. That would be a lot of extra work, but it would be immensely useful to the company. Instead, I spend all my time at work playing fireman and troubleshooter for other people’s mistake-laden work. All those goals of writing standards have gone out the window, because I just don’t have the willpower to put in the extra work to do it because the frustration level of always being the fireman is so high. You know of a job that you're suited for and that would be useful to your company -- creating standard procedures for your workers to follow. You should be doing that job, not trying to do all the jobs (and thus inevitably ending up doing no jobs well or maybe even doing any jobs at all). You need to hire someone to do the "fireman" job. From what you've written, I would guess that the "fireman" job would basically be a coordinator/manager position for the engineers. People do specialize in management (MBA grads, for instance) and your company desperately needs one of those specialists. I understand that it's expensive to hire an upper-level employee like that, but you are not the best person for the job you're trying to do, you know it, other jobs that you are the best person for are being left undone, and your company is in danger of being driven into the ground because of it -- when your company's survival is at risk, as well as your happiness and sanity, it's not a good time to skimp. If I were you, I would look very deeply into the budget and try to figure out what kind of salary you could offer a manager who could work on the "fireman" issues. Also think about what skills and personality a job like that requires, and consider who might be a good fit -- it might be best to promote from within. If your father balks, figure out how to get him on board, because this is truly what is best for your company and for you, and growing a company doesn't just (or even primarily, in many cases) mean taking on more clients, it means taking on more employees. It also likely means more specialization from employees, and having a jack-of-all-trades "VP" is apparently no longer appropriate for the company, given its size now and the size your father wants it to eventually be. So as for your initial question -- how can you work productively at all times, well, my answer is that you need to create reasonable expectations for yourself (and your employees), figure out what procedures are involved in meeting those expectations, and then work to carry out those procedures one step at a time. An expectation is reasonable if the given person (such as yourself) has the physical ability and skills necessary to carry out the amount and type of work assigned. Expecting yourself to work literally all the time is not reasonable, you don't have the physical ability to do that. Expecting yourself to work literally any job that comes along is not reasonable, you don't have the skills to do that.

There's nothing wrong with you. The problem is that you are in a family business. Could you get a job with your same title at a completely different place? You are number 2 and your Dad will always be number 1. Until that changes, you will be forced to do things his way, which does not mesh well with your view of the world. One thing you might want to examine is why you want to stay in situations that you are powerless in? You have a work situation where until you are the sole owner, you have no final say, and you are in a relationship where you don't even want to be in your house. The question you need to ask yourself is: What is keeping me here? If you leave your father's business will fail. Maybe yes, maybe no. But that's your FATHER'S responsibility and he's not sharing it with you. You have all the stress and none of the authority. This is not a tenible situation for you. If I were your best friend, I'd tell you to quit your job, and break up with your girlfriend. Strike out in any direction you like, take a job where you're not expected to dig the Panama Canal with a teaspoon. Find a girlfriend who can support you and help alieviate stress, not add to it.

I'd still really like to know how each of you push on through and get things done when you really, really don't feel like it. I tell myself that I am a http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ie/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html and that people are relying on me and then I set a timer, pick the least revolting item off the Shit I Do Not Want To Do list, and do it for 15 minutes. Usually that thwarts procrastination. And when that fails, I hear my mother's voice in my head, snapping "Sabrina, people lived through the Holocaust. There is zero chance you will not survive this task. Wash your face, brush your teeth and get on with it." And then I remember that it's called work because it isn't fun and... get on with it.

I wasted 20 years of my life trying to make my mom and dad's dreams concerning a business come true. It doesn't work, at least not in the situation you describe, which sounds like most of them. Work on your resume, and get out. Run.

Your family business should have died long ago. I'd sit down with your mother and father and explain to them: "I love you very much and while I wish I were able to, I simply can't hold this buisness together anymore. It is affecting my physical health, my mental health and my relationships. In order to keep up with everything at work, I'd have to work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and I simply can't do it anymore. I love my work, and I'd like to stay, and in order to do so, some things have to change." While you love your mother very much, you can't save her, and it's not your responsibility to do so. I assume that she has an interest in the business (half-owner) and that she loves you. If she KNEW what was happening, she would have put a stop to it long ago. She can be your ally for making material changes going forward. For now, you need to take a break. Take two weeks off and do absolutely nothing. Sleep. Eat nice food. Read fluffy books. Do not check email, do not turn on your cell phone. Let the business do what it does. When you return, go back with a different mind-set. You work a 40 hour week now. Don't be a fire-fighter, let people's work stand on its own. When enough shit hits the fan, your father will realize that his people are not suited to their jobs and he'll either get better people or he'll scale back the jobs he takes on until things can become manageable. Rather than the business manager, make it YOUR priority to hire the new, better people. You know what skills they need to have and what they need to do to make the business successful. This will free you up to do the work you want to do. Set up your documentation, sort out your processes, its what you really want to be doing and once it's set up, EVERYTHING will flow more smoothly. My older sister is also an engineer and is completely pigeonholed in her job, and I don't want that for myself Wake up. I'd rather be pigeonholed than dying of stress, miserable and having no life away from work. You are not in a better situation than your sister, your situation is potentially DEADLY!

Apologies if these have been covered: You sound completely frayed. If you’ve been bathing in cortisol since (I checked your posts – at least July, probably months before that), I think it’s imperative you honour your stated need for calm and respite. You have to keep your physical stamina up. You have to sleep and eat to fuel your body for repair from this unremitting stress, and for readiness for the next day. If your habits are irregular under even ideal conditions, you must be religious about imposing order onto these basic functions. Sleep hygiene is a must. Calm from two hours before bed is a must. To sleep normally, you have to funnel this relentless worry somewhere other than your brain or else succeed at distracting yourself. (When was the last time you could watch a movie or go for a walk without running through desperate or hopeless-feeling scenarios, or guilt?) You need to allow yourself to get distracted sometimes. You have to relax. I’d suggest writing down your worries before bed, which has moderately helped me expunge anxiety when I’ve felt about an eighth as bad as I think you do now, but I’m alone, I don’t have a partner next to me whose very presence enervates me (though I have been in that situation before. Even just with that, there is no rest). Separate bedrooms, at least. If separate bedrooms and counselling can’t get you two hours of calm before bed quickly enough, move out. Get a short-term sublet closer to the office. Tell your SO it’s because you need to be located nearby. Anything could happen anytime, and you’re a nerve. The commute is breaking you. You love her very much and hope this gives you both time and space just to relax until (April or May or whatever), when you get more of a handle on things. Of course you will see her on the weekends and regularly go to counselling. And I think you should find a place separate from even that to do the hour or two of constructive work available to you. (I would say, a coffee shop near your new sublet.) Basically, I think very firm boundaries of location and habit will help. (That’s until whatever needs to happen to this business in order for you to leave with a free conscience happens. I hope it happens sooner than later.) ** Re working on a dime: 1) prioritized and dated list of key objectives that can realistically be done in the allotted time; 2) dedicated space for mental work; 3) the Pomodoro technique (and an internet blocker, etc.).