Requesting guidance re: stalkerish ex-friend

sevensnowflakes, I really really really don't want to turn this into an argument, but what you are advocating is actually dangerous. Stalkers rely on engagement from their targets to perpetuate the delusion. If the OP engages this stalker, even if it's just to say the police will be contacted 'next time,' it tells him two things: 1) if he pushes hard enough he can get her to contact him which obviously means she loves him etc, and 2) that she hasn't called the police yet, so obviously he hasn't done anything actually wrong, so maybe he should just show up at her place tomorrow to talk about it. So even if she contacts him to say never contact me again or police, he will interpret that as her still responding. Or, given there's a history of violence, could easily spur him over the edge into "Well I'm gonna show her." Seriously, read The Gift of Fear linked above. Stalkers will interpret any communication as positive reinforcement of their delusions. The only way the OP should ever engage the stalker is by appearing as a witness at his trial if there is one. Again, I am really not starting an argument here or perpetuating one, and if you disagree with me please MeMail. But I feel it is irresponsible to let dangerous advice stand.

Take your documentation to the police. Do not engage the person. Tell your family and closest friends not to engage the person. If he shows up at your Dad's, Dad should say "Do not come here. Do not contact me or my daughter in any way" and should call the police. Make sure your workplace doesn't give out personal info and that there's some security, esp. if you're ever there alone. Tighten privacy on fb, blogs, etc. Read http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0440508835/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1395150855&sr=8-1 There's a family/domestic violence agency somewhere near you; they will know local laws, and will know whether your police dept. is a useful resource or not. Develop really reliable safety habits, like looking around, checking to see who's around. Make sure you have and use good locks, use motion-sensitive lights, keep the car locked. Consider a medium to large dog. This person exploited your grief shamelessly, turns up at your dad's, has turned up at your window. He has some history of violence or threatening violence. Don't be embarrassed thinking you're over-reacting. He's fucking with your life and it's unacceptable.

Do NOT engage at all with him. Change your phone number immediately and disable your social media presence for now. No tweets, updates, nothing. Change your email address. Go to the police and file a harrassment report. Show them your phone and other messages, tell them, "I believe this man has the capability to be a stalker, I am afraid of him. While nothing he's done to date has been particularly threatening, I feel threatened." At the very least they should take the report. You are laying the foundation for a restraining order. Do not blame yourself. You re-engaged with someone, it's not your fault that he turned out to be untrustworthy. NONE OF ANY OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT! Just wanted to say that. Do you believe it?

Agreed: do not under any circumstances engage this man. All that does is tell him he can get through eventually. Document everything you can think of. Dates, places, witnesses if any. Make hard copies of emails, texts, screenshots, etc. Contact the police (I'd go to the station, personally), and ask them what to do next.

Just wanted to update and say that I was able to make it over to the police station today. Ex-friend contacted me again on Wednesday. I compiled my notes & logs and showed them to an officer. He said that so far, the content of the text messages being mostly, "Hey, are you okay?" (plus most of the in-person activity having happened last year) isn't enough to be a chargeable offense. That said, the officer is going to contact ex-friend for me and warn him that any further contact or in-person attempts to content will result in charges. The officer also said that if ex-friend shows up on the property uninvited that I can immediately call 911 and ask to have an office sent to remove him from the property. After that, charges would be filed. I appreciated everyone's feedback here, and it helped to see that my cause for concern wasn't too overblown. I'm hoping that this guy will get the hint after the phone call and cut it out. I am also going to request that my dad talk to his lawyer, just in case. Thanks again for the help. I'll mark this as resolved.

I'm sorry about your ex and about how creeped out/scared you must feel. You need to change your phone number if you have no other way of stopping the texts, and I would send a final "Please never contact me or my family again. If you do I will be reporting you to the police for harassment" message before doing so. It worries me that your roommate threatening police action didn't stop him from continuing to contact you, and of course it worries me that he just showed up at your apartment and your dad's home looking for you. In my experience if someone has a prior restraining order or bad experiences with the police that is enough to get them to leave you alone if you threaten to take legal action. You should go to your local police station (is that what you mean by magistrate?) to find out how it works. I think you would have to get a court date where you present your case for why you need one and then a judge approves it or not, and the sooner you get that done the better. See if there's an abused women's centre in your area as they handle these sorts of situations all the time too and may be able to provide extra guidance.

I think other posters have said this implicitly, but for clarity I'll say it explicitly: do the gather up the things and go to the police *now.* Don't wait for more contacts, don't ask a friend to tell him you're considering doing this, etc. Just gather up what you need to establish the pattern, and head on down to your local police station. There's nothing to be gained by waiting.

You might want to let your boss/security at your job know that this person has been stalking you and might stop by. My work has had it happen a few times, and each time it's been subtly communicated to the receptionists to watch for this person and if they show up, contact security and the police. When one person had actually threatened violence there was a wide blast with a picture that said if you see this guy, call the police. The next day that guy came by with a stuffed bear and asked to see so-and-so. Without the warning, he might have actually been able to access her. None of this is your fault.

IANYL. That said: You should absolutely begin creating a paper trail if you have not already begun. Stop what you are doing and gather all of the proof of his behavior you have right now, and type up a chronology of everything that has happened to date. You need to send him one text message that states: "Your repeated attempts to contact me directly and through my friends and family are making me uncomfortable. I will notify the police if you attempt to contact me again." Be very clear and very direct, and mention the police. Although you stated in the beginning of your question that you'd blocked him on your phone, it sounds like so much time has passed that the block expired (yes, that happens) and you have not renewed it - thus, he's been able to continue sending you texts. After you've sent the message, don't block his number again; that way, if he does continue texting and calling, you'll have more material to give to the police. If he continues with this behavior, follow through on your threat to contact the police. Stalking and harassment are both potential claims, depending on the details of your situation. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and please take care.